Star Trek TNG: Episode 138 - Chain of Command 2

While part one of "Chain of Command" was a drag, part two was pretty damn great ... for two reasons: Captain Jelico and Picard being tortured. Jelico (played brilliantly by Ronny Cox) was the biggest asshole, mentally unstable, self serving Captain to ever exist in Starfleet ... and he is awesome. I want a spin-off. He is basically Kirk mixed with Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest. Jelico is very cocky, a cocksmith and will not fall for a cock-n-bull story....that's all I got.

Now to Picard being tortured. He is put through all awesome kinds of physical, emotional and sensory tortures. I mean, it was so brutal that it would make Marquis DeSade cream his pantaloons. There is this one scene in which they try to control Picard's mind by showing him 4 green lights and torture him into saying that there are five green lights....just amazing stuff.

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Star Trek TNG: Episode 137 - Chain of Command I

Chain of Command is a two-parter, that really should have been one episode. Not that I didn't enjoy it, because I very much did ... I'm just saying. Part one was very blah and it could have been summed up very quickly and incorporated into part two. Basically, Picard gets sent on a secret mission to destroy a Cardassian biological weapon. He brings along Worf and .... Crusher?? Personally, I would bring Data on EVERY away mission and bring Crusher on ZERO. Anyway, since Picard is gone they bring in another Captain to take over. Why not Riker you ask? I have no fucking idea.

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Star Trek TNG: Episode 136 - Quality of Life

This episode is about these little machines called Exocomps, they are sort of little mechanical repairmen. The question is weather they are sentient or machine. Not a bad episode, decent idea....but it is highly forgettable. If only Data had a handlebar mustache in this one.

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Star Trek TNG: Episode 135 - A Fistful of Datas

... so here is the Western episode where every character is Data! Who knew it was right after Rascals. What a terrible one two punch. Although I must say, I almost enjoyed this one. I typically like anything Old West, so this was at least tolerable ... and Data always cracks me up. Especially at the end when he is dressed like an old west "dancer"....prostitute.  For the most part an episode in which Worf and Alexander are cowboys is just plain dumb. Oh yes and this episode also begins the "beard growing" story arc. Ha Ha what the hell is going on in season six!?!

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Star Trek TNG: Episode 134 - Rascals

What a piece of shit. Do to some kind of fuck up with the transporter Picard, Guinan, Ro and Keiko turn into 12 year olds. ....seriously? How would this even happen??

The oddest scene is when a 12 year old Keiko questions Miles about the state of their marriage. He is kind of like, listen ... it's probably over. She seems a little annoyed by this. What the fuck is he supposed to say?!?!

Anyway, this is the worst group of child actors that I have ever seen!! They suck.

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Star Trek TNG: Episode 133 - True Q

"a young woman coming aboard evidences non-human abilities and is investigated by Q, who claims she is also a Q."

You nearly forget the Q is supposed to be the Villain. The problem is that "Q" is so quirky that he seems more like the comic relief. This episode sort of puts how brutal the Q Continuum is. Amanda, who is played by the cute as all hell Olivia d'Abo, is a Q/human  ... "Q" has been sent by the Continuum to kill her for being a hybrid.

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Star Trek TNG: Episode 132 - Schisms

What an interesting concept. Members of the Enterprise are being abducted by and tested on by aliens. I am surprised this has never come up before, at least in the traditional "alien abduction scenario" sense. It seems plausible that aliens would abduct humans off of space ships ... I mean they already abduct housewives from Midwestern farmhouses.

My favorite scene is when Data is reciting an original poem about his cat Spot and Riker keeps nodding off. It was very funny. Although I originally thought he was saying Spock. I was like "what an odd poem about Spock".

Whatever.

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Star Trek TNG: Episode 131 - Relics

"The Enterprise investigates a vessel that crashed on the surface of a Dyson sphere 75 years ago."

The Dyson Sphere is actually a real theory. It is basically the idea that a giant sphere could be built around a star and all of it's planets, in order to better harness it's energy. Evidently it can also pivot on a ball and never loses suction ... a little vacuum cleaner humor for you. This is the stupidest and most impractical thing that I have ever heard, in fact even Freeman Dyson himself said it's stupid.

Of course, what makes this episode great is the appearance of Scotty. James Doohan seemed to have some trouble with his delivery, but nonetheless I love these throwback episodes. I always felt bad for Scotty too, he didn't seem to fit in with the original crew. Then in the movies, while everyone else just looked like slightly older versions of their show counterparts ... Scotty comes out looking like Mr. Belvedere.

I felt bad for James Doohan too, he put up with a lot of tough shit in his life, crappy childhood, typecast, divorces, sickness, raped in prison. I have read his autobiography and he was an interesting guy. For instance, he took part in the invasion of Normandy where he was shot six times ... beat that LaForge!

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Star Trek TNG: Episode 130 - Man of the People

"A psychic ambassador uses Deanna's mind to influence the outcome of his mission."

This ambassador essentially transfers his negativity into Deanna in order to have a clear mind for his negotiations. Deanna starts to become agitated and rapidly age. It's an interesting idea but it was a great episode.

When I saw George Wallace was in this episode I was expecting the great black comedian, or even the great racist Alabama governor ... but no, it was some dude that I never seen before.

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Star Trek TNG: Episode 129 - Realm of Fear

"Barclay must overcome his fear of the transporter to solve a mystery."

How the hell did Barclay make it through Starfleet Academy. He is such a pussy.

After watching Hell on Wheels I just can't look at Miles O'Brien the same way ever again.

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Star Trek TNG: Episode 128 - Time's Arrow pt.2

Now for the conclusion to Time's Arrow.

I actually didn't like part two nearly as much part one. It was ok. The crew conveniently finds a portal that takes them back and forth to exactly 1893 (convenient), Picard gets trapped in the past, Mark Twain saves the day and Picard saves Earth by simply disabling the alien time portal.

Also, by the end of this episode I ended up hating Mark Twain. I would burn his books if I actually owned any of them.

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Star Trek TNG: Episode 127 - Time's Arrow pt.1

"A 500 year old artifact is uncovered on Earth, Data's severed penis. The Enterprise investigates alien involvement in Earth's past and Data fulfills his destiny."

Only Star Trek can follow up a Hugo Award winning episode with this gem. I love this episode/episodes. Data goes back to the 19th c and meets Jack London and Guinan hangs out with Mark Twain. It's not nearly as dumb as it sounds, in fact ... it's pretty awesome.

In preparation for this episode I read Call of the Wild by Jack London, just because I realized that I never read shit by this guy.  ...... it was good.

This is my favorite quote from the book:

"Like a true natures child, we're the Call, Call of the Wild, we can fly so high, never want to die. Call .. of the .. Wi,iiild"

So ends season 5, it was probably the best season of TNG thus far.

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Star Trek TNG: Episode 126- The Inner Light

"A space probe creates a telepathic tether and causes Picard to experience, in twenty-five minutes, a lifetime as a married man on a world that was destroyed a millennium ago. "

I'm sure this episode was fine, I just wasn't feeling it. The acting was great and the idea is interesting ... it was just not that entertaining. It did win the Hugo Award, the last Trek episode to do this was City on The Edge of Forever. .....City on the Edge, this episode is not.

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Star Trek TNG: Episode 125 - The Next Phase

While trying to create a modified cloaking device, the Romulans accidently turn Ro and LaForge invisible. The first half of this episode suuuuucks. Its just Ro saying goodbye to everybody, but then it picks up a bit and becomes pretty darn decent. Everybody on the ship thinks that the two are dead, but they rematerialize during their funeral...New Orleans style ... which only means one thing .... Riker playing a trombone.

Why would he know how to play a fucking trombone? Nobody plays the damn thing now, nevermind in a few hundred years.

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Star Trek TNG: Episode 124 - I, Borg

Try watching this episode and NOT want to kill Beverley Crusher. That being said, this was an awesome episode. After discovering an injured Borg, Crusher convinces Picard to allow her to treat him. Picard comes up with a plan to "infect" this Borg and send him back to destroy the hive.

The Borg suddenly starts to develop individuality, he even ends up with a name ... Hugh. So there is a big debate on weather it is wrong for Picard to sacrifice Hugh. Honestly though, Picard was correct in this one ... this was their best shot at defeating the Borg.

Anyway, the dude that plays Hugh is on the show The Closer and he is really good.

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Star Trek TNG: Episode 123 - Imaginary Friend

As the title suggests, this episode is about an imaginary friend. The ship is exploring a rare nebula when a little girl on the ship suddenly "creates" an imaginary friend. This friend ends up being real and can't stand adults ... a la Drop Dead Fred. That's basically it. The little girl in the episode was August from 3rd Rock From The Sun, Tommy's girlfriend. I always thought she was soooo friggin hot .... in 3rd Rock not so much in TNG.

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Star Trek TNG: Episode 122 - The Perfect Mate

"Picard forces himself to resist the charms of a female empathic metamorph who is sent to marry an alien leader as a peace offering." This episode was confusing ... or boring. I don't know. But it does have Famke Janssen in it, who is actually hotter now than she was in the early 90s. Check her out on Hemlock Grove. Anyway, Picard has to resist banging her ... which is so highly unlikely that this episode seems to unrealistic. Maybe Picard can't get a boner. Plus, she would not be the perfect mate because she is too high maintenance. The perfect mate would be a cute blind mute.

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Star Trek TNG: Episode 121 - Cost of Living

What a piece of shit this one is. A Lwaxana and Alexander based episode, what a fucking nightmare. The episode is based around Worf's troubles raising his son and Ms. Troi getting married. .... It is interesting that Lwaxana meets her husband over a matchmaking system on the computer, rather foreshadowing for 1992. I was expecting that creepy old bag of bones from the Matchmaker.com commercials to come popping out of a turbolift. Anyway, the episode ends with Worf, Alexander and Lwaxana taking a mudbath???? ..... you can only see Worfs eyes and teeth

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Star Trek TNG: Episode 120 - The First Duty

hehe The First Duty.

"Wesley is questioned over a Starfleet Academy flight training accident."

When one of his crew members is killed during training Wesley must choose between the truth and protecting his ass. Typically Wesley sucks, but this is episode was actually very good. I liked how Wesley didn't pussy out and tell the truth ...  nor did he lie. He just omitted certain info.

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Star Trek TNG: Episode 119 - Cause and Effect

"The Enterprise is severely damaged. The ship explodes, killing the entire crew."

If only that was it and the series was over. But alas, this episode is a rip off of Groundhog's Day with Bill Murray ... except this one has Kelsey Grammar in it. Honestly though, I really really enjoyed this one. It was fun and clever. I must say that I am getting tired of the crew constantly playing poker, in the future I guarantee Poker will not exist. It will be like people playing Jacks now, it just doesn't happen.

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