Star Trek TNG: Episode 59 - The Defector

"A Romulan defector demands asylum aboard the Enterprise with vital information about a possible Romulan invasion."

The episode starts out on the holodeck with a very well done segment of Henry V, featuring Data and a disguised Patrick Stewart. I'm just not sure that Shakespeare is going to be this relevant to daily life on a fucking Starship. The series just never lets it go!! Overall this episode is great and the acting is exceptional.

There is a Romulan defector with vital information on a Romulan invasion. He doesn't want to see this kind of pointless destruction so he warns the Federation. Unfortunately he was purposely fed false info in order to lure the Enterprise into a trap (a trap that is foiled by a surprise ally). You can't help but feel bad for the Romulan defector, he was just a lackey. He can't go home to Romulan because he was proven to be a traitor. Anyway ... he kills himself.

ST TNG: 58 down 121 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 58 - The Vengence Factor

"Riker exposes an assassin in the midst of critical peace talks...then he exposes his genitals"

Cool, but complicated. It was like a three hour movie squeezed into 47 minutes. Lots of good mystery, science and it has a hot chick. All I have to say is that the episode has both the cute girl from Nightmare on Elm Street 4 and 5 (by the way she's still hot at 48) and it also has the ugly girl from Porky's! How could it go wrong? Also it was directed by Bond ... Timothy Bond ... whoever the fuck that is.

ST TNG: 57 down 122 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 57 - The Price

"Several groups, including the Federation, bid for rights to manage the entrance to a wormhole near a resource-poor planet."

This was a really good episode. The writting was excellent and they managed to work a bunch of plots successfully into one interesting episode. I love wormhole stuff anyway, so I was able to pay attention for nearly the entire forty something minutes. A great scene is when Data and Geordi are sent into the wormhole to investigate the stability, they are an excellent duo and sort of remind me of Balki and Cousin Larry. The side plot involves Troi having a steamy affair with the Negotiator (played by Sgt. Lassard from Police Academy). Also the Ferengi are heavily involved in this one, which is always fun. There are a slew of great guest actors as well, including Sgt Copeland from Police Academy (yes TWO people from Police Academy) and the dude that played Predator.

I had a real good opportunity to watch a bunch of TNG episodes this weekend ... but didn't. Instead I watched the entire first season of Hell on Wheels. Which was awesome! I like westerns anyway, but this one is so well written and acted. Most noteably the rapper Common is great and the wonderful Colm Meaney is just amazing. He played such a bit part on the majority of TNG (until the last few seasons), it's crazy to see what an awesome actor he is. Although he does always play the same part, obnoxious Irish guy.

ST TNG: 56 down 123 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 56 - The Enemy

This is a great episode. Geordi ends up trapped on a planet with a Romulan and they must work together in order to stay alive. Meanwhile on the Enterprise Dr. Crusher is trying to save another Romulan that is dying, the only way is through a transfusion from Worf. And Worf is like 'fuck that'. So the dude dies. A Romulan Warbird approaches and is ready for a fight, but Picard is finally able to beam up Geordi and the Romulan (who explains that Geordi has saved his life). The End.

ST TNG: 55 down 124 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 55 - Booby Trap

Oh the endless juvenile jokes I could make. But really, why do they use the term 'booby' trap??

This plot seems to have been used a zillion times. "In this episode, the Federation Starship USS Enterprise discovers a derelict centuries-old alien battlecruiser and becomes trapped with it."

At least it has some interesting science in it, as well as the original blueprints to the Enterprise. In order to save their asses Geordi seeks the help of the blueprints creator Dr. Leah Brahms (via the holodeck). She's cute. Also, Picard navigates the ship. See, there's some cool stuff here.

Why even bother having crew members waste their time with problem solving. It seems like the computer + Data = every problem solved.

ST TNG: 54 down 125 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 54 - The Bonding

In this episode, a crewmember of the Federation Starfleet starship USS Enterprise is killed in a tragic accident, leaving behind a young son who must deal with her death.

 Well made and acted. It shows a softer side to Worf, he feels bad for this kid and makes him his brother ... in some weird Klingon way. Also, the episode explores Wesley's feelings over the death of his father.

But really though, this little kid has a shit life. His parents are both dead and the compensation for this is that he gets to live with a hideous Klingon. Sounds fucking fantastic.

ST TNG: 53 down 126 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 53 - Who Watches the Watchers

I honestly feel that this episode is a turning point in TNG. Visualy it just seemed far better than all previous episodes and the actors seemed so much more comfortable in their roles. I dunno, maybe i'm wrong, maybe the next episode will suck ... or maybe I was just actually in a decent mood for once. We'll see.

The plot made no sense as usual. The Enterprise are visiting a secret outpost on a bronze-age planet. The outpost is hidden behind a hologram of a mountain. The scientists are there to observe this primitive culture. ..... why?? Seems like an absolute waste of time and money. Also, it borders on violating the Prime Directive.

The hologram fails, so Riker and crew beam down to assist. Too late. The inhabitants see the outpost and one of them falls off the mountain. Bev beams him up to sick bay for treatment. After saving him, they "erase his mind" and beam him back down. But it doesn't work! He now tells everyone that he was saved by a God named The Picard. Riker and Troi go down to the planet in disguise, but are soon found out and captured. What a total fucking mess!

Picard has to beam down and prove he is mortal and he does this by making someone shoot him. Then all is explained to these primative people .... which I'm sure totally fucks them up. Although I guess if Aliens visited the Native Americans or something, I guess no harm was done.

Also, the daughter of the injured planet dweller was pretty cute. I looked her up and her name is Pamela Segall .... and she is the voice of fucking Bobby Hill from King of the Hill???????

ST TNG: 52 down 127 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 52 - The Survivors

The Survivors is a decent episode, it's certainly no Surviving the Game. My favorite movie about hunting hobos. This one is a throwback to TOS. Meaning, it's a plot in which the old show did numerous times. You see, an immortal energy being ends up on this planet and falls in love with a humanoid. When everyone on the planet is killed by the Husnok he recreates the woman that he loved. The twist is that this being is pissed off at the Husnok that he kills them all .... 50 billion of them! Picard doesn't feel that he should judge, so he just lets the being be. How very Switzerland.

ST TNG: 51 down 128 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 51 - The Ensigns of Command

"Data must persuade a stubborn colony to evacuate their homeland under threat of a powerful and mysterious race."

A band of survivors from a crashed colony ship are being evacuated by the Shelians. They are giving the Enterprise three days or something to get 15,000 people off their planet. Also the transporter is broken! Picard must play shrewd diplomat with these bastards.

Also, Data is the only one that can beam down to the planet because of radiation. He tries to convince these idiots on the planet to go willingly, but the leader is a shithead. Some woman falls in love with Data ... but Data is incapable of returning any feelings. So why bother making Data fully functional if he never wants to have sex? He's such a woman.

ST TNG: 50 down 129 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 50 - Evolution

"In this episode, escaped nanites threaten the Federation Starfleet starship USS Enterprise as well as its critical research mission."

Finally, Bev Crusher is back! Good riddence to that decrepit scarecrow Pulaski. While season two ended with a huge thud, season three starts off with only a slight thud. I sort of liked this one. Wesley's science experiment gets out of control when a a shitload of nano sixed beings escape. Data is finally able to establish contact with the creatures and work everything out. But anyway, good riddence once again to that human boglin Doctor Pulaski.

ST TNG: 49 down 129 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 49 - Shades of Grey

"The tension between Riker and Deanna eventually comes to a head after Deanna asks Riker to punish her in order to show her how extreme a BDSM relationship with him could be. Riker fulfills Deanna's request, beating her with a belt, only for Deanna to realize that the two of them are incompatible as they currently stand. Devastated, Deanna leaves Riker and returns to the apartment she shares with Neil Sedaka."

Also Riker gets a cut on his leg and ends up in an all clip episode of TNG.

ST TNG: 48 down 130 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 48 - Peak Performance

"The Enterprise and USS Hathaway face off in simulated combat maneuvers. Data fails to beat a humanoid at a game of Strategema and experiences feelings of self-doubt."

Picard brings Sirma onboard in order to asses the crews tactical skills. He is the best tactical person ever or something. Riker brings a rag tag crew of Worf, LaForge and Wesley on to the Hathaway in order to do "battle" with Picard and the Enterprise. Riker has zero chance of winning, but uses some clever trickery. Then the Ferengi show up and attack the Enterprise. Yeah, that's about it. The guy that played Sirma was really good. I looked it up and his name is Roy Brocksmith and he's been in a ton of 80's/90's movies.

ST TNG: 47 down 131 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 47 - The Emissary

'The Enterprise is sent a special emissary to help them deal with a three-quarter century-old waking-Klingon sleeper-ship."

They are already tiring out these "old flame" episodes. I think everybody has had one so far ... except Geordi. But, he's blind so his love interest could easily be a man pretending to be female, he wouldn't even know. Anyway, it was sort of odd to see Worf in love. Though they did make the female Klingon some what attractive. The episode had a few subtle guest stars, Deidrich Bader, the lady that played Lisa in Mad About You (the show that I personally hate more than anything else on this planet) and Col. Decker from the A-Team

ST TNG: 46 down 132 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 46 - Manhunt

"The Enterprise must transport delegates to a conference, one of whom is an extremely mate-hungry Lwaxana Troi with eyes for Picard."

This episode was stupid but kind of funny. Lwaxana is looking for a man and wants Picard ... so naturally he hides in the holodeck the entire time. What a buzzkill. Why not just get laid already. Then she sets her sites on Riker, he actually seems tempted too. Majel Barret looks pretty good actually. Also Mick Fleetwood plays a giant fish.

ST TNG: 45 down 133 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 45 - Up the Long Ladder

"The Enterprise becomes involved in two previously unknown Earth colonies' struggle for survival."
What a weird episode. These two Earth colonies all come from the decendants of the cargo ship SS Mimosa?? something like that. They split into two groups, one is a stuck up race full of clones and the other .... Irish people from the 18th century?? Why would this ever happen? I really do not have a clue. Anyway, the cloning race is all fucked up do to a screwy gene pool, so they trick Riker and Palaski into beaming down so they could steal their DNA. Riker falls in love with a sexy Irish woman, which judging by the looks of the Kennedy females, I would say this is a rarity. In the end, Pulaski convinces the two groups to put aside their difference and have lots of sex.

ST TNG: 44 down 134 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 44 - Samaritan Snare

"Picard undergoes a medical procedure at a starbase while Riker leads the Enterprise in answering a distress call from an alien ship that proves to be trouble."

Picard gets heart surgery??? So random. The doctors look like the Aquabats ... a weird ska-punk band that now have a kids show for some reason ... anyway. Riker sends Geordi to a distress call on some ship in which everybody looks like the comic book character Blob ... or more accurately Bobo and Lil Debull from Nothing But Trouble (the best movie). They abduct Geordi by pretending to be in distress ... this is evidently called the Samaritan Snare. It's not even a good trick!!

ST TNG: 43 down 135 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 43 - Q Who?

So Q wants to join the Enterprise crew. I would let him, why the hell not. Picard seems to think they don't need him, but he's about to show them otherwise. Q tosses the Enterprise 7,000 light years away and into their first encounter with tennis player Bjorn Borg. The Borg are pretty awesome, the ship is pretty awesome and their careless demeanor is pretty awesome. They are very Nine Inch Nails. The Borg prove to be brutal adversaries, they seemingly can't be destroyed. Also, they are the ones that had been destroying outposts in the episode The Neutral Zone. There's an odd interaction between Q and Guinan that makes you wonder whether she herself might be a Q. Now to bitch about something. What is the odds of this "race" being called the Borg ... they are obviously Cyborgs, which is an Earth word!

ST TNG: 42 down 136 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 42 - Pen Pals

I dunno. This episode is a bit all over the place. Sometimes it's good, sometimes boring. Data is way too serious in this. He obviously goes way out of line to bring this girl on the ship. He made "pen pals" with this hideous alien kid ... ironically played by Nikki Cox ... who is married to Jay Mohr??? Anyway, he violates the Prime Directive because she is from a pre-warp civilization. So they erase her mind.

ST TNG: 41 down 137 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 41 - The Icarus Factor

What an absolute crock-o-shit. On many levels this episode sucks, many many levels. First we have Riker and his estranged father, his father wants to make amends but really he is sort of a dick. At one point he defends his absence in Rikers life by saying "Come on! I gave you 14 good years!" ... gee thanks. And evidently Rikers dad used to screw Dr. Pulaski. Gross. Then we have Riker leaving the Enterprise for a better job ... yea yea, how many times is this plot going to come up? Next up Worf's age of ascencion ceremony on the holodeck ... this involves him getting beat down by other Klingons. Much like getting jumped into a gang, which is ironic because Klingons are obviously supposed to be black. Also, one of the Klingons is played by John Tesh. Last but not least we have Riker and his dad fighting in the dumbest martial arts sport ever ... Anbo-Jitsu. They dress up like Tron and swing a staff wildly at each other.

ST TNG: 40 down 138 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 40 - Time Squared

I really liked this one. The Enterprise encounter a Starfleet shuttlecraft floating in space. Picard orders it taken into shuttle bay and they open the door and inside is .... Picard! This is not some kind of shapeshifter, it's the real Picard from 6 hours in the future ... a time when the Enterprise has been destroyed and only Picard survives. Now the present Picard is grilling the future Picard on the details of what happened to the Enterprise. They figure that future Picard is stuck in a time loop ... so they kill him. Sure it doesn't make sense, but it was cool.

ST TNG: 39 down 139 to go