Star Trek TOS: Episode 15 - SHORE LEAVE

"Captain Kirk orders shore leave for the Enterprise crew on a seemingly uninhabited planet in the Omicron Delta system. Spock discovers that the planet seems to be drawing a large amount of energy from the ship's engines, placing the Enterprise in danger." 

Shore Leave is probably the most joke about, parodied and mocked episode of the Star Trek franchise. Sure there’s a giant Easter bunny, but honestly this episode is pretty darn good. It was written by sci-fi author Theodore Sturgeon. The idea of a planet in which anything you think of comes true is pretty awesome, but TOS explores the downside to this power. McCoy ends up getting shot, Kirk gets fucked up in a fight with one of the best guest characters in Star Trek - Finnegan, he also sees his old love Ruth, the sexy Yeoman Barrows gets sexually assaulted by Don Juan (a solid portrayal of a Hispanic male) and Sulu picks some flowers then finds a gun. What more could you ask for?

Ashford kind of looks like
a Klingon actually.

The fight scene between Kirk and Finnegan is so long though, like the one from They Live! That’s my only gripe, no one could take that many punches to the face. In the end Kirk orders everyone to stand at attention and not think of anything (que the stay-puff marshmallow man). If I was one of these crewman, boy what a disaster this would be. Kirk would be like … “OK, who is thinking of a camel with the head of Nick Ashford and breasts for it’s humps???” In the end, the caretaker comes out and apologizes for the inconvenience. McCoy shows up with two prostitutes and all is well.

ST TOS COUNTDOWN: 16 down 64 to go

Star Trek TOS: Episode 14 - BALANCE OF TERROR

“While investigating a series of destroyed outposts, the Enterprise discovers a lone Romulan vessel with a cloaking device.”

An A+ across the board; writing, acting, action – you name it. Certainly this episode is one giant reference to the Cold War and Vietnam. In fact the term Balance of Terror was a common Cold War term for the nuclear arms race. In addition to that the neutral zone that plays such a big part in this episode, was also an important area in the Vietnam War (the DMZ). A few months before this episode was written, the U.S. sent an additional 200,000 troops to Vietnam. Just to put that into perspective, the U.S. has had something like 100,000 troops total in Afghanstan/Iraq.

A quick recap: Balance starts off with a wedding between two crew members. Suddenly the alarm goes off (which it does about 4 more times in the episode and it’s so annoying), it seems that Earth’s outposts are being destroyed along the Neutral Zone. This zone had been set up after the Earth-Romulan War. Now, even though the Earth had a war with the Romulans, no one has ever seen what they like. Not even Spock.

The Enterprise encounters a Bird of Prey but it cloaks. Kirk is able to track it through scans and they shadow it. The Romulan captain is shown on screen and it looks just like a Vulcan. Spock explains that they are an offshoot of the Vulcan race. This causes Lt. Stiles to suspect Spock of being a spy. 

Probably the greatest chess match between two captains is about to occur. The Romulan Commander is just a smart as Kirk and they repeatedly outplay each other. The Romulan ship lays a trap of a cloaked nuclear weapon. But, Kirk destroys it and cripples the Romulan ship in the process. He offers to beam over the survivors, but the Romulan Commander denies the offer and he shows much compassion for Kirk. He claims that in another time they could have been friends, then he self-destructs the Bird of Prey.

We find out that there had been one casualty on the Enterprise, it is the man who was about to be married in the beginning. Kirk visits his grieving fiancé and the episode ends with Kirk silently walking down the hall with a stunned look on his face. What an awesome ending. Not a happy note to be found. Mark Lenard is great in this one, as he always is. We’ll see him more as he also plays Spock’s father and the Klingon Commander in the 1^st movie. Now in case anyone forgets why the Romulan culture is a mirror image of the Romans, we will be answering this soon in the episode “Who Mourns For Adonis?”.

 ST TOS COUNTDOWN: 15 down 65 to go

Star Trek TOS: Episode 13 - THE CONSCIENCE OF THE KING

"Captain Kirk crosses paths with an actor suspected of having been a murderous dictator many years before." 

The Cute Captain is in rare form in this one. Shatner’s corny and hacky performance is absolute gold. Kirk is hitting on this woman for the entire episode and he’s putting on his phony nice guy persona.  His flirting skills are so terrible.  In this case Kirks’ thinking with his phaser and not his brain nearly gets him killed.

It starts out with an acting group performing MacBeth on the Enterprise. I still hate when they use these out of date references. I mean wouldn’t Avenue Q be just as classic? So, Kirk becomes obsessed with this actress. So he lays it on thick. But, the jokes on him as she is trying to kill him.

You see, a few years back there had been the head of an Earth colony named Kodos. He turned into a dictator and killed half of the population. He disappeared and is presumed dead, but never found. Only three people can identify him. Some guy that I forget his name, Lt. Riley and Kirk. Well Kodos is disguised as an actor in this group and Kirk’s new girl is killing off anyone that can identify him (she’s his daughter – and he doesn’t know that she’s doing this).Spock and McCoy suspect something is wrong and investigate, like too buddy cops.

Lt, Riley plays a major role, much like he did in Naked Time. He is poisoned, but survives and then goes after Kodos. Kirk stops him though because he’s not sure that this actor is truly the former dictator. Then Kodos admits his true identity and shows remorse. His daughter goes insane and tries to shoot Kirk. I mean she really turns into a freaking lunatic.  And the thing is, before this I didn’t think she was that hot and now I find her super sexy. She shoots, Kodos jumps in front of Kirk and is killed. Case Closed. Rather mediocre episode, but the acting was pretty damn spot on. In any case, it's still better than Trip getting pregnant. Oh and Uhura plays a space harp and sings, dreadfully.

ST TOS COUNTDOWN: 14 down 66 to go

Star Trek TOS: Episode 12 - THE MENAGERIE 2

Like I said, I just watched The Cage last week so this was just dreadful to sit through. Now, I remember the entire reason why Spock did this and I also know why I keep forgetting this. Because it sucks. He just wants the Talosians to revive Pike to his former self. Why would Spock do this? It’s way out of character! Then we have Mendez being a Talosian the entire time. Certainly there really is a Cmdr. Mendez because Kirk knew him well. So…was this Mendez a Talosian back at the Starfleet facility?? 

Also, Starfleet was indeed watching the trial of Spock, this part was not a Talosian trick.  They find him innocent and in fact think he had a good idea, they order the Enterprise to bring Pike to Talos IV and have him fixed. How fucking unlikely is this?!?!

I never thought I’d say it, but man what a piece of garbage this was. I understand that it needed to be done quickly (as explained in the last post) and given that I’m not going to trash it too hard. But I would rather watch boxing, which I totally despise (although Tyson-Givens was a good match). I guess in the end Pike lives happily ever after with Vina on planet Talos IV? Not really sure.

ST TOS COUNTDOWN: 13 down 67 to go

Star Trek TOS: Episode 11 - THE MENAGERIE 1

“Spock hijacks the Enterprise to take his crippled former captain, Christopher Pike, to the forbidden world of Talos IV. He then demands a court martial where he uses the events of "The Cage" to tell the tale of Pike's captivity on the planet years earlier"

For most of us The Menagerie is just another one of those lazy “clip” episodes. But we forget that The Cage had never aired in the 1960’s. They had already made this pilot episode, so instead of just forgetting about it, they actually did something very creative and worked it into two episodes. If we had watched The Menagerie back in 1966 I’m sure we would have though it to be a very good episode. Sadly I’ve seen The Cage, so having to basically rewatch it was rough. But, the writers worked together these two plots rather flawlessly.In fact it was taking them so long to produce these shows that Gene had to come up with a way to give them some more production time. So he put together these two scripts, both episodes could be filmed in one week. This gave them a two episode lead in production, previously they had been sending the episodes in three days before airing. That's just insane.

That being said, the non recycled scenes are awesome. In this particular episode we have Spock going against all protocol in order to return his former Captain Christopher Pike to Talos IV. Certainly his acts are incredibly treacherous and mutinous and I don’t see how he doesn’t get imprisoned for this. He literally steals the Enterprise and abandons Kirk. No matter how many times I’ve seen these, I always forget the ending! Which is good because now it makes me want to watch part 2.

Spock lies in order to get the Enterprise to the hospital that his holding Pike. Kirk, McCoy and Spock beam down … leaving Lt. Bailey in charge of the ship??? They see Cpt. Pike and he is messed up. His face is burned and he is sitting in a giant roomba. He can only communicate with beeping lights. I mean really? This is the best that they can do in the future. Think everything that we had seen in Enterprise. Now, the best they can do for Pike is put him in a bumper-car. They couldn’t even simulate a voice?

Chris Pike riding the
bumper cars on Coney Island

The episode ends with Kirk catching up the Enterprise in a shuttlecraft. Spock has taken Enterprise along with Pike and is heading for Talos IV. Once caught, Spock sentences himself to a court martial. Once at his trial Spock shows his evidence proving his actions are just. Spock has a TV or something and starts playing the episode of The Cage. So I’m thinking, who is filming this and how would they possibly do it? Well, Cmd. Mendez asks the same question. And there is an explanation, it is from the Talosians. This is what makes Star Trek so great, they always paid attention to the details. How many other sci-fi shows/movies from back then would have bothered to explain this? Basically none.

ST TOS COUNTDOWN: 12 down 68 to go

Star Trek TOS: Episode 10 - THE CORBOMITE MANEUVER

"The Enterprise is menaced by a gigantic alien ship whose commander condemns the crew to death. The alien ship appears all-powerful and the alien commander refuses all attempts at negotiation, forcing Kirk to employ an unorthodox strategy to save the ship". 

One of the best. The poker match between Kirk and Balok is just awesome to watch. It starts off with Kirk in sickbay for his physical, which he sort of fails and McCoy won’t let him forget it. Spock is in charge of the bridge when an odd glowing cube (a probe) harasses the ship. Meanwhile Kirk is drinking with McCoy and  discussing his new diet. Spock tries everything to get away from the cube but it’s hopeless.

The only pic I could find,
pretty funny though.

Later, Kirk hails the bridge for an update … but he’s shirtless. He can see Spock, so I assume Spock sees him.  It just seems very unprofessional. It would be like if your boss called you into his office and he was shirtless. So anyway, the cool thing about this episode is that it uses every major character (except Chekov who at this point doesn’t exist). They have a meeting regarding this probe and we see Spock, Kirk, McCoy, Sulu, Scotty and Uhura in there.  Also some fool named Lt. Bailey, he’s irritating and a total headcase. 

A very strange thing happened though. I was looking at this Lt. Bailey and was thinking that he looks exactly like the Professor from Gilligan’s Island. Well I looked it up and he is not. But, a background character was! His name is John Gabriel and he played the Professor in the original pilot. Strange. There are parts to this episode that are filmed like a reality show, in which a shaky camera follows someone around. It’s kind of cool and sort of ahead of its time.

Back to the story: suddenly an enormous ship shows up and we see Balock. An obvious puppet, but it looks pretty decent considering (also voice by Ted Cassidy). He gives the Enterprise ten minutes before it is destroyed. No negotiation. This is where Kirk employees the Corbomite Maneuver. He tells Balok that he has a corbomite device that will destroy any ship that destroys the Enterprise.  After they do the countdown from 10 -1, which always reminds me of Spaceballs (Have a nice day. Thank you), it is clear that Balok has fallen for Kirks bluff. 

Now Balok has a bluff of his own. He sends a small ship that pulls the Enterprise in a tractor beam. He will take the crew to an Earth like planet and then destroy the ship. He claims that his small vessel is very powerful. None of this makes any sense and Kirk knows it. They escape the tractor beam.

Here is where it gets really weird. Balock sends out a distress call because now his tiny vessel is incapacitated. Kirk decides to board the ship and help him. Now we see the real Balok. It is a very young, yet still disturbingly hideous Clint Howard! Well, it was all a test. And the Enterprise passed. You see, Balok is all by himself and lonely, he just wants a friend. Lt. Bailey volunteers to stay with him (why???). Sure the ending is ridiculous and makes absolutely no sense. But what the hell, this episode is so damn good.

ST TOS COUNTDOWN: 11 down 69 to go

Star Trek TOS: Episode 9 - DAGGER OF THE MIND

“While on a re-supply mission to a rehabilitation colony for the criminally insane, the Enterprise crew discovers that the chief doctor has been using a device which destroys the human mind, and has imprisoned Kirk and his companion.”

This episode was strange because it started off decent, it sort of lagged in the middle and then the ending was awesome. I ended up considering this episode for one of my top 10 favorite TOS episodes. The episode begins with a convict emerging from a cargo container on the Enterprise (evidently he has escaped from the penal colony in a very stereotypical style, might as well hide in some laundry).  He then knocks out a security guard with the classic karate chop to the back of the neck. I’m not even going to say who this guy looks like, I’m not going to go to the same well for a third time. Anyway, this dude’s acting SUCKS (to be fair Morgan Woodward is a good actor, he’s just bad here)

They discover he is a Doctor from the penal colony, his partner Dr. Adams runs the facility. McCoy is suspicious of this other doctor and asks Kirk to check him out. Kirk is irritated by this and asks McCoy to find him a capable doctor to take down to the surface. McCoy is probably a bit insulted, but he has a good way to get even. He sends a Dr. of psychology to accompany Kirk and to Jim’s surprise it is a girl that he had a one night stand with at the Christmas Party … no I’m not making this up. 

Of course this girl is unbelievably cute. But , she’s more than a pretty face, she’s also a great character. I really liked her. While Rand and Uhura are lame and insignificant, Dr. Noel actually has an interesting job duty. Her acting is very good and the character is smart and rather tough. There’s a lot more depth to her than the typical skanks that they have for characters. Marianna Hill co-starred in an Elvis movie and was in High Plains Drifter and The Godfather II.

Dr. Adams (played by James Gregory/Gen. Ursus) has been brainwashing these convicts and he eventually turns the machine on Kirk. In a great scene, Kirk is fighting for control of his own mind and succeeding. He eventually pretends to be brainwashed. He makes a plan with Dr. Noel and she crawls into the venting system (oh and under those tiny skirts they are wearing shorts). She eventually turns off the power to the facility but not before she actually kills a guy. So basically Adams was crooked and he messed up his partner with this mind control machine. This episode marks the first appearance of the Mind-Meld.

Really though, what happen to the female uniforms from the time of Enterprise until TOS? Seems like woman’s rights have gone backwards. Also Spock’s ears are HUGE. Well this was a good episode, it takes a look at both mind control and criminal reformation. I liked it because of the chemistry between Kirk and Noel … it’s a shame they never used this character again.

 ST TOS COUNTDOWN: 10 down 70 to go

Star Trek TOS: Episode 8 - MIRI

“After discovering what appears to be a duplicate of the planet Earth, Captain Kirk and his landing party find a population ravaged by a strange disease, which only children appear to have survived”

You know when Kirk sees a nice looking woman and he gets that phony nice guy look on his face? Then he puts on this big charming guy act? I always referred to that as Kirk’s “Cute Captain” routine. Well let me tell you, the Cute Captain was in full effect in this episode. The disturbing thing is that he’s hitting on a 13 year old girl. In fact this entire episode is disturbing and full of holes, but it’s damn entertaining.

Miri is actually played by a 19 year old Kim Darby, who was excellent in the original True Grit … she had also been married twice by 1970. So basically, Kirk’s actually hitting on a woman that’s been around the block once or too many times.  As the entire away crew begins to contract this deadly disease (that only affects adults) the children plot to kill them all. They capture Rand and lure Kirk into a schoolroom where they beat him with clubs and pipes … it’s actually a somewhat frightening scene. Kirk literally tosses some of these kids around like rag dolls which is funny, and he manages to rip his shirt for like the 5^th time in 8 episodes. 

I never noticed how much they use Yeoman Rand in season one, so far she has been in almost every episode and Uhura is barely in any. Either way, I can’t stand both characters. So anyway, these kids are the ugliest little things. If you combined the entire cast of the movie Freaks! into one hideous monster, it would be at least 10x cuter than these bogglins. And God are they friggin annoying. The leader boy looks like John C. Riley’s giant head on the body of a 12 year old and this other kid looks a Shetland Pony. 

How is there an exact replica of Earth? Not only that, but they invented all of the same stuff, built the same looking structures, created the same language and they even had tricycles. I was expecting an explanation from Spock, but it never happened. What Spock did manage to discover is something that doesn’t make sense – he said that these children age “one month every hundred years” so they must be “well over 300 years old”. Seeing how many of them are at least 10, wouldn’t this make them thousands of years old?? I went back to the scene and he does indeed say this. Anyway, Kirk wins over the kids and McCoy discovers a cure. He nearly dies by testing the medicine on himself, but of course he survives. One thing that I failed to mention throughout these episodes is the awesome “back and forth” tension between Spock and McCoy. It seems like McCoy really hates aliens and Spock really hates McCoy. Very funny stuff.  Anyway, in the end McCoy cures the children and Kirk calls Starfleet and has them send some teachers and whatever. Even though Miri is probably one of the worst TOS episodes I’d still give it a B.

PS: I just read that most of those ugly kids had been played by the children of the actors (Shatner, Grace Lee Whitney etc). It’s hard to believe that Yeoman Rand is 81 years old.

ST TOS COUNTDOWN: 9 down 71 to go