Thursday, February 24, 2005


As you have become aware, i watch too much TV. So here's yet another brilliant show. Mythbusters is the shiz, I like the older episodes better though ... before they got all those people to help them. When it was Just Jamie and Adam building everything it was entertaining I think. Jamie wears a berrett (or however you spell it) and has a mustache that went out of style in the Dark ages, while Adam is really funny and really annoying, but really smart. Whats the plot? They bust myths using SCIENCE!!!! My favorite episodes are the ones when they destroy the test dummy, or the one where they get drunk and try to beat a breathalizer. It's a kick ass show, check out some more info here : MYTHBUSTERS

Can someone explain Where and Were to me ... I seriously don't know when to use what?

Tuesday, February 22, 2005


Sorry it's been so long. I had a Backdoor Virus. Seriously I did. My work computer got one. It was unprotected and it got a backdoor virus. People that write these things suck huh? I'm sure I could make one if I really cared to, but i don't. I used to make cheesy viruses in GW Basic for christsakes, only for kicks though! But why fuck with someone when you can't even see thier face? Thats the best part, when the computer goes blue or freezes up and they're all like..."What the fuck??" Thats funny!! Except when it's you, then it sucks.....and especially when it's you at work and you bring the whole network down, then it sucks....and you almost get fired, then it sucks....OK so I guess it is kinda funny. Looking back I regret nothing....and I'll do it again. Fuck working! FUCK IT!

Wednesday, February 16, 2005


Man that show "House" is good. Hugh Laurie is the man as Dr. Gregory House, know Hugh Laurie, from those Stewart Little movies and from Blackadder. He's a damn good actor, this role is the polar opposite of Mr. Little, he's got some range. Dr. House is such a dick, i love it. I like people that are sarcastic know those people that everyone hates...well i like them. Like that high school teacher that treated everyone like shit?....that was most likely my favorite teracher. What i'm trying to say is that, this is why House is the best show on TV and why Dr. House is the best character on TV. Just watch the damn show and see what I mean.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

I wanna be a Star Trek Paperback Writer....PAPERBACK WRITER!

In case anyone is ever compelled to write a Star Trek novel here is the official guidlines. They are really strict about this shit. I wrote a Classic Star Trek script in high retrospect that was a really dumb idea.

1.) Any story primarily about a guest star or non-STAR TREK regular. This means no stories about other crews, ships, or guest characters that become the focus of the story. The novels should always "star" Kirk, Picard, Sisko et al. Paramount Pictures feels very strongly that STAR TREK stories should primarily be about the STAR TREK characters, who must be the major problem solvers in any STAR TREK novel. (So for instance if you want to write a book about something stupid like a Mugato opening a can't)

2.) Death of an established crewmember or character, or any other permanent change in the STAR TREK characters, settings, or universe, such as introducing offspring or close relations of the characters other than those already in existence. Also no childhood or current sweethearts, although you can create temporary love interests. As with all series, the status quo must be restored at the end. (So you can't kill off Wesley Crusher)

3.) Any plot that hinges on or describes in detail sexual relations of any kind, especially between humans and aliens. We are not interested in books that suggest anything other than friendship among any of the Enterprise crewmembers. (Sorry fan fiction writers...Kirk CAN NOT bang Spock)

4.) No mixing of casts is allowed, which means no plots that mix the characters from one series with another. While we do intend to occasionally cross over between series this will always be handled very carefully in-house. (Sorry fan fiction writers...Kirk CAN NOT bang Picard)

5.) Traveling in time to change history or learn something, rescue someone, etc. Also, we are currently overstocked on alternate universe storylines. (Sorry fan fiction writers...Kirk CAN NOT bang Earnest Hemmingway in an alternate universe where ancient Rome never fell)

6.) For DEEP SPACE NINE and VOYAGER, the books should stay current with the programs. NEXT GENERATION should, for the moment, be set between the end of the series and STAR TREK: GENERATIONS, the first movie with the NEXT GENERATION cast. (whatever)

7.) No stories that turn out to have been a dream, a hoax, or a virtual reality sequence. We are also avoiding novels that start out with an action-packed opening that turns out to be taking place on the holodeck. (THAT WAS EVERY NEXT GEN EPISODE!!)

8.) No "test" stories, i.e. stories where the Enterprise is tested by god-like beings studying humanity or judging our worth. ( no Q?)

9.) Avoid trying to definitively map out a character's history beyond what has already been done in the movies or television episodes. When we do biographical books, we work very closely with Paramount and the writer. As a general rule, the best chance for a STAR TREK submission by a first-time STAR TREK writer is to submit a "traditional" STAR TREK mission story that follows the Problem on Planet/Problem on Ship (or Station) formula. If you've been reading the novels, you know that we do take some chances and publish books that push the boundaries somewhat, but be advised that we approach these stories very carefully, working closely with experienced STAR TREK writers and Paramount Pictures. (Who really cares?)

10.) Do not introduce any levels of technology beyond what has been established in the television shows. (There goes my book where Picard takes Space Viagera)

Monday, February 14, 2005

Fine Living

I don't know if every cable company carries the Fine Living channell, but they should. While 98% of the shows on Fine Living are crap, there is three excellent shows that I've been watching for awhile now that everyone should know about.

NapaStyle - Host Michael Chiarello is a pretty cool guy, he's real laid back. The premise of the show is that Napa Valley is better than anywhere else in the world. It's friggin California dude, It's not that great. Thats what I originally thought! But after watching this show, i'm now convinced that Napa is a different planet. Everything is weird about it....he cooks weird, he acts weird, he broke apart an old barrell and used a piece of wood as an orderve tray??? He does this 60 second rant thing, and he gets all worked up over stuff like Parmesian Cheese. I'm glad Michael recently got a show on Food Network, it's called Entertaining Easy (?) and I like it, he goes to peoples homes and helps them throw The next episode of NapaStyle is titled "Olive Oil Harvest Party" thats gay.

Ming's Quest - I'm a big fan of Ming Tsai. He's a great chef and a likeable dude. I really miss his Food Network show "East Meets West", his style is pretty cool - he takes dishes from anywhere in the world and gooks-it-up. His resteraunt Blue Ginger is in Wellesley Massachusetts in case you are wondering... On Ming's Quest Mr. Tsai travels around to different places and takes a local ingrediant and well....cooks with it. He also gets down with the locals, which is the best part. Like when he rode an ostrich...hahaha...or have you ever seen a chinaman ice fish! Or when the Italian guy gave him rotten grapes and then laughed when Ming almost puked....i'm actually not sure if this was a dream or if I really saw this. Good stuff.

Thirsty Traveler - Kevin Brauch is the Thirsty Traveler. This show rules, Kevin travels the globe seeking small towns where brewing up alcohol is a staple (such Sake in Japan, Mestizo in Mexico, Rum in Jamaica, Ouzo in Greece, Vodka in Russia). He latches on to a local family and learns about cuisines, customs and of course the making of the alcohol. The best part is when he gets hammered. He can never keep up with the locals who drink this stuff daily. At the end of the show he usually gives a little wrap up speech, he's always so lit, it's funny. My favorite episode was when some Mexican gave him a big glass of liquor to drink and he chugs it and says "Wow...what is this?" and the Mexican says "It's 98% proof...thats what it is" ..... gross....this may have also been a dream. An added bonus is that every local family seems to have a hot daughter in it....i always assume Kevin bangs her. This guy is now a commentator on Iron Chef America....which is just as bad as the Jap one.

Everyone loves NapaStyle here at Mugato Bar, I put it on the big screen. Gorn can't wait for the "Olive Oil Harvest Party"...

Thursday, February 10, 2005

I Will Bore You !!!

Honestly, this has to be said, Marxist Communism was actually a good idea. A society with no state, no private property and no social classes....whats so wrong with that? Everyone is on the same playing field, all property is owned by the community as a whole, and all people enjoy equal social and economic status. "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need." I'm not saying that it would work, because clearly it wouldn't. I mean why would you want to be a doctor when you get paid pretty much the same as a trash man. There is no way you could control the economy.

The basic premise of Marxism is this, throughout history we have seen social situations give way to new ones mostly through uprisings and class struggle. Such as the slave-based system of the ancient world gave way to feudalsim which eventually gave way to capitalism, now Marx beleived that the next step would be an overturning of a capitalistic society by a socialist society and then a gradual fall into Communism or a one class system - which he believed was a good thing.

Unfortunetly Communism got a bad rap by the 20th century dictators. Most of these "communist states" never really made the transition from socialism to communism. This is pretty much the fault of Joseph Stalin and Stalinism who pretty much got his methods from the ideas of Lenin.

Here's where Communism really got crazy, although Vladimir Lenin agreed on the idea of communism he really didn't like Marx and his methods. While Marx thought that society would gradually move from Socialism into Communism, Lenin thought that Socialism could only be overthtrown by a revolution under the strong arm of a Communist Party. As the 1900's approached some communist countries had already been socialistic, but the rest of the world never turned from Capitalism in Socialism as Marx predicted. Now Leninism turns it's eye to the world with it's plan for world revolution. Force was now needed throughout the world in order to begin the process of overthrowing those countries still using capitalism and to move them towards socialism, with the final aim of reaching communism. From this idea was born the brutal hand of Joseph Stalin who thrust the world into the beginning of the Cold War.

If they only stuck with the original idea of Marxism then all that crap would have been avoided, Communism still would have failed, but it wouldn't have affected the rest of the world. So what am I saying? Don't knock Marx, he had a good idea, look at the Amish....they are true communists. And they I guess. Whatever...i just hate being low-class. I want an even playing field.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005


Hey pricks, it's me your musical genious Khan. This is one of my all-time favorite bands. They are from Norway, yes Norway, that great source of popular music. They are called TURBONEGRO and they are the rockingist band ever! Straight up Alice Cooper meets Iggy Pop meets the Ramones meets The Rolling Stones....but better. You really have to be comfortable with your sexuality though, because some of the lyrics are pretty gay...which is hilarious! I of course have nothing to worry about, I have sex with billions of sexy females. There is question of wheather Turbonegro is gay or not, some say yes and some say it's all in the act. Personally, I believe its an act. The best part is the lyrics, they are friggin classic. You may think that they are a big joke, but they're not. These guys are dead serious. They have influenced bands like the Foo Fighters and Queens of the Stone Age and they had a cameo on Viva La Bam (which I never actually watch). I wanted a Turbenegro shirt but I didnt have the balls, so I got one that said Turbojugend or Turbo yeah. I could write about these dudes all day long, but i'll just give a little discography..

Major Albums

1. Hot Cars and Spent Contraceptives/Helter Skelter 1992-93 B+ (Good early rock/hardcore)
Best Songs - Librium Love, Suburban Antichrist, Armed and Fairly Well Equipt, Manimal
Best Lyric - "You are my private Vietnam" - Armed and Fairly Well Equipt

2. Never is Forever 1994 B- (Tried the grunge thing, not the best idea)
Best Songs - Suburban Princess Death Song, Ubermensch, Pain in the Arsch Pocket Full of Cash
Best Lyric - "I took it up the arsch for a small amount of cash, Now I've started loosing weight and I don't feel too great" - Pain in the Arsch Pocket Full of Cash

3. Ass Cobra 1996 A (Rude, ridiculous, punky and friggin great)
Best Songs - Midnight NAMBLA, Denim Demon, I Got Erection
Best Lyric - "Shaking hands with Morrisey, IT'S DEATHTIME!" - Deathtime

4. Apocalypse Dudes 1998 A+++ (Best rock album of the last 20 years)
Best Songs - Selfdestructo Bust, Rendevous With Anus, Prince of the Rodeo, Good Head
Best Lyric - "Mutha-fuckin' Pizza Pie!!" - Age of Pamparius

5. Scandanavian Leather 2003 B (Singer Hank emerged from a short stay in a mental hospital and made one weird ass depressing album)
Best Songs - Wipe it till it Bleeds, Turbonegro Must be Destroyed, Train of Flesh, D.I.B.
Best Lyric - "Gimme just a minute, while I fuck the world" - FTW

Here's some lyrics...after reading these MASTERPIECE's you are guarenteed to love this band!

"I Got Erection" - from Ass Cobra

Everytime I walk down the street - Erection -
When I see a woman that I'd like to beat - Erection -
When I think of blood I think of love - Erection -
When I think of blood I think of love - Erection -
Oh, I got Erection Oh, I got Erection Oh, I got Erection Oh, I got Erection
When I set a house on fire - Erection -
Once a liver, now she's a dier - Erection -
When I dig a hole in the ground - Erection -
When I hear that hard rock sound - Erection -
Oh, I got Erection -

"Prince of the Rodeo" - from Apocalypse Dudes

Hi-ridin' daddy-o -
Spur-hump hey-ho let's go -
Fornicator of the lasso -
Sperminator of the asshole -
Prince of the rodeo -
Shoot the chute -Pull the flute -I'm back in the saddle -The world's most promising cowboy -
Lo-ridin' daddy-o -
Sexy denim romeo -
Rhinestone homo rock-n-roll -
Buns of steel Geronimo -
Prince of the rodeo -
Jerk that calf -Half-n-half -I'm back in the saddle -The world's most progressive cowboy -
And don't forget the clown!!!!!!!
I'm ridin' high, I'm ridin' low -
Prince of the rodeo -

"Drenched In Blood" - from Scandanavian Leather

(sounds like a surf song)
It's a tidal wave -A tidal wave -It's a tsunami of Blood !!! -
Blood in your nose -Blood in your eyes -
Blood in your mouth -Blood in your face -Blood every day -
Blood in your hair -Blood everywhere -
Blood on the scene -Blood where you've seen -Much more blood that you ever have seen -
When your eye's all crazy -And your minds all hazy -Drenched in blood again -
When you're drowning in blood, like a rat in a flood now -You're drenched in blood again -
When it's raining form the sky and you know you're -Gonna die, now -Drenched in blood again -And again -
Blood on your feet -Blood on your meat -Blood in your seat -
Blood on your lens -On your Mercedes-Benz -
Blood on your back -Blood in your sac -
Blood in your crack -Blood in your tracks -Much more blood than you could ever pay back -
When your eye's all crazy -And your minds all hazy -Drenched in blood again -
When you're drowning in blood, like a rat in a flood now -You're drenched in blood again -
When it's raining form the sky and you know you're -Gonna die, now -Drenched in blood again -And again -

Thats it. See, a lyrical genious, better than John Mayer. I expect zero comments on this.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005


Some lady sailed solo around the world. Big fucking deal. What a waste of time. Who cares about the ocean anymore, I think the human race pretty much settled the sailing thing about a thousand years ago. Here's a few names for you: Drake, Columbus, Polo, Magellan, and Erickson. Nevermind the countless ancient civilizations that mastered water travel. So what about this Ellen MacArthur? She's nothing. She's a no one. She sucks! Check out the headline: Solo Sailor MacArthur Given Hero's Welcome Home ..... A friggin hero? You gotta be kidding me. I guess I shouldn't talk because I can't even swim, but she ain't no hero. Do you call a women a Sailor or a Sailorette? Would you call a women in the navy a Seaman or a Seawoman?

Monday, February 07, 2005

Boogeyman Nights

I really hope that "Boogeyman" and/or "Hide and Seek" are good movies. I'm tired of ghost movies sucking, not horror movies, but specifically ghost movies. Gothika sucked, White Noise was disappointing, The Haunting sucked, I liked The Others and Stir of Echos (but most people hated them). The Sixth Sense was the only good one in the last 10 years. For some reason I have hope for Boogeyman, but i'm worried about Hide & Seek though. I sense a really bad trick ending, but Dakota Fanning is a pretty good kid actress....and she's um....nevermind. She's the modern day Haley Joel Osmond. Whats with trick endings these days, i expect them it's not even a damn trick! Stop ripping off Sixth Sense!!!! If anyone sees these movies, let me know if they're any good.

Thursday, February 03, 2005


Just found out that "Star Trek: Enterprise" will air it's final episode in May. Thats a bit of a downer, it's a good show. I really like Scott Bakula, after all I loved him on "Quantum Leap" and on "Gung Ho - the TV series". Watch for Quantum Leap: A Bold Leap Forward coming this year. Anyway, it's kinda lame that Enterprise only lasted 4 seasons when Voyager and DS9 where like 7 saeasons. Then again, was Enterprise a 4yr mission? I guess that would be somewhat accurate then. So here on Neural planet i've been watching these shows, boy what a good idea it was for Mr. Roddenberry to travel back in time and make these shows...little do you people know that it's all true! That should explain this. Anyway, here's how I list my favorite Star Trek shows.

5. Voyager - My least favorite Trek show. A black Vulcan? A woman Captain? What is this, an alternate universe? Never really enjoyed the plots and i hated Janeway. Although I found myself oddly attracted to her. The best episode is the one when Q wants Janeway to have his baby. Why would you not want to? Your kid would be a God! The Doctor was a good character, the whole should have been him. Seven was pretty hot too...i really enjoyed him on Married With Children.

4. Deep Space Nine - It was an original concept, make it on a starbase rather than a starship. But come on a black captain ! Just kidding, i'm not THAT shallow. I liked Sisko actually, he was cool. And Odo and O'Brien were rather likable. Dax was very hot and Quark was the friggin man...or Ferengi for that matter. Maybe I can hire him as a bartender...hmmm? Was his actual Ferengi name Quark? Whats the odds of his name being an Earth-named matter particle. Best episodes where the ones with Worf. Although I must say that I changed the channel more often than not. I understand your on a starbase, but GO SOMEWHERE for god sakes! I wish there was a porn named Star Trek Deep Six Nine.

3. Enterprise - I love the whole "prequel" idea of it. Archer carries the show, i never got to really like any of the other characters much, i find them to have zero personality. The Xindi thing ran thin after awhile, but the Nazi episodes were classics. The Augments and the Dr. Soong angle was pretty interesting I thought, Spiner is such a dork - i love him. Jolene is pretty damn sexy too. I do find some technical inconsistancies with Enterprise that bother me, but I have OCD or something. Great show, Just wish it lasted longer.

2. Next Gen. - It's tough not putting this first. infact i'd almost say it's tied for first. Has to be one of the most professional TV shows of all time. Every sci-fi show after this one is just a rip-off. Nearly every character is great, from Picard to Whoopie friggin Goldberg. The acting is fantastic, the writting is second to none and the production is just excellent. At times it got a bit to "soap opera-ish" for me, and I started to hate the Holodeck episodes. But Next Gen. REALLY made Star Trek a legit show, not the joke that some people thought. Patrick Stewart is one of the most underrated actors and Brent Spiner was very good as Data. I really wanted to nail Troi too. Worf ruled and of course Q is the best TV villain ever. I liked the episodes with Classic Trek guest stars.

1. Star Trek TOS - Can't mess with an original. I can literally sit down and watch like 10 straight episodes. The show was on at Midnight when I was in High School, so i'd stay up till 1 AM recording it and then i'd watch the tape to make sure it came out alright, all the while reading "Nitpickers Guide to Classic Trek" AND browsing the "Star Trek Encyclopedia!" I'm not even kidding about that. I never did homework, but I never missed a Star Trek episode either. Sure it's cheesy as all hell and funny as all hell (when it really shouldn't be).....but Classic Trek did lay the groundwork. The show plots are actually really good, and the trio of Kirk, Spock and Bones can't be touched.

I left out the Animated Series because it's really bad...i like it...but it's really bad. Click here for a good pic of Archer choking an Andorian.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

I Beez Smart

Throughout history most innovations and ideas have been improved upon, right? Technology, agriculture, and industry for example have all been greatly improved. So what went wrong with the Arts? Lets go back to pre-20th century and take a look at some of the creativity. Obviously the biggest creative innovations of the 20th century were TV/Movies, the commercialization of Radio and the popularity of the Camera, so 20th beats 19th on that. But, lets compare the following five:

1. Art
pre-20th Century = The Mona Lisa, The Sistene Chapel, Nearly every Art Movement, David, The Scream, Starry Night, The Last Supper, Leonardo, Donatello, Michaelangelo, Rapheal and Master Splinter.
20th Century + = Pollock, Picasso, O'Keefe, Hopper, Munch, Nick from Family Ties.

COMMENT: I'm not a huge art fan, but how can you you even compare Michaelangelo and Pollock? Fine it's different styles, but Pollocks style sucks. Pollock was an interesting dude, but his art was a friggin joke. Same thing with Picasso, everyone thinks it's so good just because it's different. It's a joke. At some point, art went from something that I could NEVER do, to something that a two year old could do. Whats up with that? Sculpting has gone from "David" to a rendering of a human head made out of paper clips. Not to say that all 20th century art is bad, it just pales in comparison. I DO think that Edward Hopper is very good though.

2. Music
pre-20th Century = Beethoven, Brahms, Chopin, Mozart, and my all-time favorite...Minstral music.

20th century + = The Village People, Al Jolson, Bob Marley, Bob Dylan, Van Halen, DMX, and one of my favorite bands....Anal Cunt.

COMMENT: I really have no gripe with current music, while alot of it is crap...there's also much that I enjoy. Infact I really have a hard time listening to classic music. But you have to respect it, pre-20th century classical is the only genre in which you can really say that a piece of music is a "masterpiece". These dudes where indeed geniouses...unlike me, and I really wouldn't say "genious" about any artist in the last 100 years, even the Beatles (hands down the most influential band in the last century). OK so I might call Andrew Lloyd Webber a genious....maybe. Just the thought that musical talent has gone from Beethoven who was deaf or Mozart who wrote his first symphony at age 8 to The Village People or Suger Ray, is pretty sad.

3. Literature
pre-20th Century to mid 1900's = Dickens, Poe, Shakespeare, Dickenson, Homer, Twain, "Beowulf"

mid 1900's + = King, Clancy, Crichton, London, Fitzgerald, Asimov, Orwell, Dylan Thomas

COMMENT: This category I had to alter a bit because numerous great works had been written in the early 1900's. But, somewhere in the 1950's things started going down hill. Not so much the content, but the style. I have no beef with "current" authors. For the most part I'd prefer to read modern literature, only because it takes less effort to understand it. Modern authors write in the style of which we talk, which is cool i guess, except for one thing - we can't talk good no more! When it comes to the art of the spoken word, Clancy can't hold a candle to Twain (whatever that means). At some point the education system failed us. At one time people used language to it's fullest capabilities, now it seems like no one can speak correctly. Look at me, I'm a high school graduate and my vocabulary is horrendous and I seriously can't spell for shit (even though I came in 3rd in the 4th grade spelling bee). For example, look at the politicians and revolutionaries of yesteryear compared to now: Lincoln vs Bush, MLK vs Sharpton, James Otis vs John Edwards. Ever read the Declaration of Independence, or the Bill of Rights or the greatest work of fiction ever "The Bible" (i kid. sort of) ? Now that's some writting. Whatever happened to philosophers or the "great thinkers"? When did "MacBeth" turn into "Mama Mia"? When did Edgar Allen Poe turn into Maynard G. Krebs, and when did Maynard G. Krebs turn into some street rapper at a poetry slam named Schooly? Whatever, who cares right? I certainly don't.

Anyway, let me close by saying Edward Gorey was pretty cool. Also, I figued out why I like Good Eats so much, because i'm a huge science geek. Goodnight.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005


First of all, i'm a big FoodTv fan and i'm a pretty good cook myself....i took culinary in High School! Yeah!!! My plan was to go to culinary school and be a chef, but somewhere my life went horribly wrong. Anyway, This is LONG overdue. I've watched Good Eats since almost day one, i've failed to realize that it IS my favorite show. I watch it everyday! Alton Brown is the host, and the best way to describe this program is "A cross between Kids In the Hall, Bill Nye the Science Guy and The Frugal Gourmet (minus the child molesting)". Alton Brown has to be one of the most likeable guy's on TV, i'd totally hang out with him. He's so likable that you wouldn't even know that he was from Georgia. As the dude cooks he tells you the science behind the process and mixes in a little comedy. This is the best show on TV, I dare to say it, best show on TV. You learn, you laugh....and you um learn. I suck at describing stuff, it's just a really good show ALRIGHT! I like the one when he dresses up like Colonel Sanders...hahaha, classic. Check out it's a really good site.

I was watching a thing on Tsar Nicholas II and his son was a Hemophiliac, my question is, If a girl has hemophelia can she die from menstruation? Or does it not work like that? I really have no clue.