Monday, December 31, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 82 - Reunion

Ahh yes, the Worf baby daddy episode. It seems that Worf had knocked up his ex-girlfriend and split (how typical ... Klingon) ... now she's back with a little creepy surprise. Alexander. The grossest thing i've ever seen (since the movie "87 and still Bangin" that is). Why must all Klingons have the hair stylings of Vincent Schiavelli? This episode was actually really good. It had some good Klingon drama and brawling. After Worf's nemesis kills his GF, Worf retaliates and attacks the Riker walks in just as Work has his blade raised for the death I was 100% sure that he was going to stop an inch from his face or something ... but no, he kills the son of a bitch. Worf then ships his kid off to live with his parents....lmfao.

ST TNG: 81 down 98 to go

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 81 - Legacy

With episode 80, TNG had officially passed the TOS series run of 79. Next Gen writers paid homage to TOS with a mention of the planet Camus, which had been the planet from Turnabout Intruder. Also, they created a rather boring episode. I'm tired of hearing about Tasha Yar, and I'm tired of episodes with planets in some kind of civil war. This episode has Tasha Yar's sister ... who I swore was Linda Hamilton. But it was Beth Troissant. She also looks like an 80's female standup comic. I'm assuming that Data also has sex with her.

This episode the classic 7th Heaven actor Christopher Michael in it .... not to be confused with my dad's band from the 70's The Christopher Michael Band (no joke, this is the real deal)

ST TNG: 80 down 99 to go

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 80 - Remember Me

Bev Crusher gets stuck in an alternate universe ... that starts collapsing on itself. Pretty interesting I guess. It all starts when Wesley is doing some kind of force field experiment or something. Jordi keeps ordering him to stop because the ship can't move until he's done ... yet he keeps yelling at Jordi. Weird way to treat a superior officer. Anyway, Dr. Crusher gets stuck in this field bubble and sent on to an alternate Enterprise were everything is slightly different. Bev thinks that there is something wrong with the ship ... but eventually realizes that there is something wrong with her. This episode is very Twilight Zone

Then ... The Traveler shows up and fixes everything. He is played by Brookline MA's own Eric Menyuk, for all of you who don't know who he is .... check out this awesome resume...

Matlock as Al White /(3 episodes, 1987–1994)
Melrose Place as Physician (1 episode, 1993)
Married... with Children as Black Bob /(2 episodes, 1990–1993)
Night Court as Pizza Guy (1 episode, 1991)
Jake and the Fatman (2 episodes, 1990)
thirtysomething as Man #4 (1 episode, 1990)
Falcon Crest as Dr. Peters (1 episode, 1989)
L.A. Law as Roland Burnet (2 episodes, 1987–1989)
Cheers as Larry the Mailman (1 episode, 1988)
Hill Street Blues as Carney (1 episode, 1987)

umm. yeah

ST TNG: 79 down 100 to go

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 79 - Suddenly Human

Blah. Can't win them all I guess. At least Chad Allen was good in it. He plays this kid Jono that is a human with Talarian parents. Picard thinks he may have basically been kidnapped and tries to get the boy to go back to Earth. The only good thing about this one was that Jono actually ends up staying with the Talarians and not going back to Earth  .......  and he also stabs Picard in the neck. Not a bad twist.

Also, Chad Allen is gay and was in the show My Two Dads ... ironic?

ST TNG: 78 down 101 to go

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 78 - Brothers

Yet another great Brent Spiner performance. (By the way, that last episode "Family" is the only TNG episode that does not contain Data). The episode starts off with two young brothers, the older one plays a trick on the other and nearly kills him. As Data is bringing the elder brother back to his quarters ... Data stars acting very strange. Next thing you know, Data hijacks the Enterprise. This entire sequence is just awesome as Data trumps every possible move to thwart his take-over.

I totally forgot about this one, so I was wondering the entire time ... what the hell is Data up to! He ends up beaming down to a planet were he is greeted by his father, Noonien Soong. He has been called home in order to get an "emotional chip" installed. Unfortunately Lore shows up and ruins everything.

Here's the thing with Data. He doesn't need an emotional chip. In fact, he already seems to have emotions. Sure he can't love and cry but is he not the most compassionate crew member?? He seems to care more about other people than most humans would.

ST TNG: 77 down 102 to go

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 77 - Family

"While the Enterprise is going under repairs at Earth, Captain Picard visits his brother's family in France, Lt. Worf's adoptive human parents come to see him aboard the ship and Dr. Crusher gives her son Wesley a personal holo-recording left by his late father shortly after the boy's birth."

So I completely expected to hate this episode, but damn it was really good. It has nothing to do with Star Trek and everything to do with a cheap Lifetime movie. Yet, it was so well done and the acting was wonderful. It's basically about Picard, Worf and Dr. Crusher dealing with family issues. Trust me though, it was watchable. In one scene Picard and his brother mud wrestle and then hug. I nearly vomited.

ST TNG: 76 down 103 to go

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 76 - The Best of Both Worlds II

Season 4 begins. The Best of Both Worlds part II. I can't get the Hannah Montana theme song out of my head.

Although this episode was pretty awesome, I have a huge gripe about how easily the Borg had been defeated. I mean they just basically beam aboard the ship and take back Picard without any trouble. Then they issue a command that in essence causes the Borg ship to destroy itself. Then they somehow turn Picard back to a full human. All within the last half hour. Too easy.

ST TNG: 75 down 104 to go

Monday, December 10, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 75 - The Best of Both Worlds

Season three certainly ends with a bang. Or shall I say with a Borg. That joke didn't work at all. This two part episode has to be one of the greatest in Star Trek history. It basically starts with the Enterprise finding a decimated outpost, Picard realizes that only group can achieve this type destruction....the white man. They soon encounter the Borg rubix cube.

At first they manage to evade the Borg but soon they are overtaken by the Borg and trapped in a tractor beam, also by the Borg.  For some reason they have a Borg expert on the ship named Shelby, she is cute but adds nothing to this episode. Just to be clear ... she is not a Borg. Not only that, it was only a season ago in which Q transports the Enterprise a million light years away and introduces them to the Borg. How the hell do they suddenly have an expert?? A Borg expert that

Regardless ... the Borg kidnap Picard. Riker takes command of the ship and sends an away team onto the Borg cube. They don't locate Picard but they do manage to sabotage the Borg ship. As they return back to the Enterprise they see Picard on the view screen ... he is now a Borg. Named Locutus. Locutus of Borg. (How un-tough is that name???) And how annoyed are you by the word "Borg".

ST TNG: 74 down 105 to go

Sunday, December 09, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 74 - Transfigurations

Not much too say on this one. It was good I guess. The plot involves a traveler with amnesia that they name John Doe, he has great powers and they find out he is also an escaped convict. He kills Worf ... and the brings him back to life. If all of this sounds familiar, well that is because it is about 5 different former Star Trek plots rolled into one. It touches upon the idea of the next step in human evolution, a super intelligent energy form. How fucking boring of a life is that. Anyway, John Doe was played by longtime All My Children vet Mark LaMura.

ST TNG: 73 down 106 to go

Monday, November 26, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 73 - Ménage à Troi

Although it is my favorite pun, this episode as a whole is just down right asinine. First of all, would a Ferengi really be that horny for a Betazoid that he would go waaaaayyyy out of his way to capture her. Not only that, but when he kidnaps Lwaxana ... why does he also take Riker and Deanna?

I was mostly creeped out and disgusted by this episode. At one point Damon Tog has a nude Lwaxana and Deanna standing before him, and it was not even hot ... just nasty. Then Lwaxana apparently has sex with him. And in the end she chooses to stay with him. WHY?! It makes no sense!! None of this makes sense!!

ST TNG: 72 down 107 to go

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 72 - Sarek

"The highly regarded, but elderly, Ambassador Sarek is ferried by the Enterprise on his final mission for the Federation. While aboard ship, the crew experiences an outbreak of irrational anger amongst themselves."

Mark Lenard is amazing. He's been playing Sarek since 1967 and he is awesome every single time. In this one, Sarek is suffering from a Vulcan disease in which his emotions are so pent up that they project onto other people.'s stupid. Anyway, it is affecting the entire crew so a solution is devised in which a host must mind-meld with Sarek and all of his negative emotions will be transferred into this poor soul. So obviously they would have some Yeoman do it right? No, they have the fucking captain of the Starship do it. Does that at all make sense? Anyway, good episode.

ST TNG: 71 down 108 to go

Monday, November 19, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 71 - The Most Toys

Damn, this actor Saul Rubinek is just so freakin' over the top in this episode. His wacky, manic, over acting style would fit so perfectly in a TOS episode. It was nice to see this kind of character for a change.

Basically in this one, there is this traveler named Fajo and he goes around space collecting rare items. He even has a Roger Maris rookie card, which I guess is rare in the future. Why Maris and not Ruth or Williams .... or the mighty midget Kirby Puckett? So, this Fajo guy decides to collect Data. Then he starts acting verrrryyyy gay. Even suggesting that Data walk around naked. So weird and so entertaining.

Factoid via Wikipedia "David Rappaport, a well-known British dwarf actor, had originally been cast for the part of Kivas Fajo. Rappaport struggled with depression in his life, and committed suicide on 2 May 1990, shortly after having filmed some scenes as Fajo. Saul Rubinek was then asked to take over the role, but some early production photographs show Rappaport in the role."

ST TNG: 70 down 109 to go

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 70 - Hollow Pursuits

"In this episode, the Holodeck fantasy life of a crewman aboard the Federation Starfleet starship USS Enterprise-D interferes with his ability to deal with malfunctions which threaten the ship."

Great friggin episode. Dwight Shultz was amazing as the social inept Lt. Barclay. You may remember Shultz as Murdock on the A-Team. Or as guest radio host to Michael Savage??? Anyway, he was good.

Lt. Barclay is beyond socially awkward, he's a complete human travesty. The only time he can socialize is in the holodeck. Where of all things he recreates the Three Musketeers. You can literally create ANYTHING ... I mean ANYTHING. Hmm, yeah, the Three Musketeers. Seriously?

Of course the episode must have the trusty, "Enterprise is going to explode in five minutes" scene. Guess who saves the day?? Pretty obvious. My absolute favorite part about this episode is that in the end Lt. Barclay does not change. He is still a miserable and pathetic, social disaster. Yes, he is indeed a Trekkie.

ST TNG: 69 down 110 to go

Monday, November 12, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 69 - Tin Man

"A gifted telepath whom Deanna Troi once treated as a patient comes aboard to establish first contact with an unknown vessel near an unstable star before the Romulans do."

Not much to say about this one, it was alright i guess. There's this big to-do about this ship, for seemingly no reason ... I mean the ship itself is sentient which is cool. But really, who cares. And this telepath guy was a patient of Troi. Not just a patient, but an actual mental patient. Like he's totally insane. So yeah, let's let him work with Starfleet on this project. The guy ends up bonding with the alien ship and decides to stay on it. It just all seemed so ridiculous.

ST TNG: 68 down 111 to go

Friday, November 09, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 68 - Captain's Holiday

"Picard is convinced to take some much needed shore leave, but gets wrapped up in a woman's treasure hunt."

Not many episodes in this season are shit, but this one is pretty close. It doesn't introduce Vash who is pretty hot and also Sovak (same actor plays Rom, Quark's brother) ... who is pretty hot. Why not just make Quarks brother Sovak? Whatever. Anyway  how uncomfortable is it to see Picard in romance scenes? Seriously, I cringed throughout the entire episode. And what the hell was going on anyway? Picard is forced to take a vacation on seemingly the only fun planet in the galaxy, Risa. Aliens from the future are looking for some device and the Ferengi hire this woman to find it ... for some reason ... and then she turns on them. Also I swear they kept hinting that she banged the Ferengi. At least she was cute.

ST TNG: 67 down 112 to go

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 67 - Allegiance

"Aliens kidnap Picard and replace him with a duplicate, who sends the Enterprise to a pulsar. Meanwhile, the real Picard and three other captives try to escape from their prison."

Not the most creative, but I was mildly entertained. But, really, would an alien race go out of its way to abduct random species from throughout the galaxy just to observe them? Not only that but observe them sitting in a room doing absolutely nothing?? It seems so over the top.

I did like the doppelganger Picard. It was fun to watch him try to act like the Captain, but really had no idea what the hell he was doing. In the end both Picards appear on the bridge and I was just waiting for the classic scene ... "he's the imposter! No, he's the imposter! ... which one is the real Picard"

ST TNG: 66 down 113 to go

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 66 - Sins of the Father

"Worf goes on trial to prove his father's innocence after the Klingon High Council declares that Worf's father is a traitor, and worked with the Romulans all along. "

This is one of the most loved TNG episodes, rated number 7 in Entertainement Weekly's TNG top 10. And, I didn't like it. It was boring. I usually like the Klingons, but they were just irritating in this one. The only good thing about it was the solid performance from Tony Todd ... who's been in tons of good movies, like Candyman, Wishmaster and Beastmaster III.

ST TNG: 65 down 114 to go

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 65 - The Offspring

"The android Data creates a "child" of his own named Lal and tries to raise her, while Picard takes on StarFleet research to keep them from taking her away."

If "Yesterday's Enterprise" was brilliant, then this episode is beyond brilliant. The Offspring is wonderfully writen episode that was directed by Jonathan Frakes. Also, I was insanely attracted to Lal.

In addition to this, The Offspring was a popular 90's California punk band with such hits as Self Esteem and Come Out and Play.

ST TNG: 64 down 115 to go

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 64 - Yesterday's Enterprise

"In the plot, the crew of the USS Enterprise-D must decide whether to send the time-travelling Enterprise-C back through a temporal rift to its certain destruction in order to protect the timeline."

This episode was so good that I can't even find a joke for it, or a reason to trash. Except maybe the addition of Tasha Yar was interesting but unnecesary. Picard decides to send the Enterprise back to it's proper time to be destroyed, thus creating peace. Or something. The thing is, are you telling me that every single person on the Enterprise o'the Past was cool with going back to their inevidetable death? Really?

ST TNG: 63 down 116 to go

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 63 - A Matter of Perspective

"Riker is accused of murder, and the holodeck is used to reconstruct the events from different perspectives. "

I thought this episode was going to suck. It's just such a typical plot. But you know ... it was good. Riker was accused of murdering this woman's husband after being caught in a compromising situation with her ... also he's accused of rape??? The ending is pretty obvious, he gets off ... then after that he gets acquitted. Get it??!?! Whatever. This episode has the lovely Gina Hecht in it, she was in two of my favorite movies, "Night Shift" and "St. Elmos' Fire". They should have an episode in which Riker and Picard open a whore house in a morgue.

ST TNG: 62 down 117 to go

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 62 - Deja Q

This may be my favorite Q episode. Q loses his powers and decides to live as a human on the Enterprise. It's great to see Q trying to figure out the intricacies of being human. I assume he never took a crap before and that kind of stuff. Also Guinan stabs him with a fork. ALSO Corbin Bernsen is in this episode. ALLLSSOOOO .... that's all i got.

Random Fact (per Wikipedia): "Corbin Bernsen has one of the biggest snow globe collections in the world, with almost 7,000 snowglobes"

ST TNG: 61 down 118 to go

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 61 - The High Ground

"Dr. Crusher taken hostage by terrorists who hope Federation involvement will help them win concessions for their cause."

Not a bad depiction of terrorism. Though, I'm getting tired of these episodes in which a "good looking" rogue catches the attention of a female crew member. Dr. Crusher is very good in this episode as the hostage that refuses to talk. The cool thing about this episode is that it was banned in Ireland or something. This is because Data mentions that Ireland eventually unites after a very successful terrorist campaign. What a weird stance for the Star Trek creatures to take???

ST TNG: 60 down 119 to go

Tuesday, October 02, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 60 - The Hunted

Damn, every episode really is named The "something". An interesting plot in this one. This government created these super soldiers, they had previously been regular people but have since been modified. When not using them for war purposes, they keep them in prison for safe keeping ... i guess. Long story short, they all escape and attack the government. Picard does a very Kirk like move and just lets it happen. Not his problem. I'm not sure I buy that this actor playing Roga Danar is tough ... he looks like a soap star. Hmm just looked him up, evidently he was on a CBS show called Love Monkey.

ST TNG: 59 down 120 to go

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 59 - The Defector

"A Romulan defector demands asylum aboard the Enterprise with vital information about a possible Romulan invasion."

The episode starts out on the holodeck with a very well done segment of Henry V, featuring Data and a disguised Patrick Stewart. I'm just not sure that Shakespeare is going to be this relevant to daily life on a fucking Starship. The series just never lets it go!! Overall this episode is great and the acting is exceptional.

There is a Romulan defector with vital information on a Romulan invasion. He doesn't want to see this kind of pointless destruction so he warns the Federation. Unfortunately he was purposely fed false info in order to lure the Enterprise into a trap (a trap that is foiled by a surprise ally). You can't help but feel bad for the Romulan defector, he was just a lackey. He can't go home to Romulan because he was proven to be a traitor. Anyway ... he kills himself.

ST TNG: 58 down 121 to go

Friday, September 21, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 58 - The Vengence Factor

"Riker exposes an assassin in the midst of critical peace talks...then he exposes his genitals"

Cool, but complicated. It was like a three hour movie squeezed into 47 minutes. Lots of good mystery, science and it has a hot chick. All I have to say is that the episode has both the cute girl from Nightmare on Elm Street 4 and 5 (by the way she's still hot at 48) and it also has the ugly girl from Porky's! How could it go wrong? Also it was directed by Bond ... Timothy Bond ... whoever the fuck that is.

ST TNG: 57 down 122 to go

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 57 - The Price

"Several groups, including the Federation, bid for rights to manage the entrance to a wormhole near a resource-poor planet."

This was a really good episode. The writting was excellent and they managed to work a bunch of plots successfully into one interesting episode. I love wormhole stuff anyway, so I was able to pay attention for nearly the entire forty something minutes. A great scene is when Data and Geordi are sent into the wormhole to investigate the stability, they are an excellent duo and sort of remind me of Balki and Cousin Larry. The side plot involves Troi having a steamy affair with the Negotiator (played by Sgt. Lassard from Police Academy). Also the Ferengi are heavily involved in this one, which is always fun. There are a slew of great guest actors as well, including Sgt Copeland from Police Academy (yes TWO people from Police Academy) and the dude that played Predator.

I had a real good opportunity to watch a bunch of TNG episodes this weekend ... but didn't. Instead I watched the entire first season of Hell on Wheels. Which was awesome! I like westerns anyway, but this one is so well written and acted. Most noteably the rapper Common is great and the wonderful Colm Meaney is just amazing. He played such a bit part on the majority of TNG (until the last few seasons), it's crazy to see what an awesome actor he is. Although he does always play the same part, obnoxious Irish guy.

ST TNG: 56 down 123 to go

Saturday, September 08, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 56 - The Enemy

This is a great episode. Geordi ends up trapped on a planet with a Romulan and they must work together in order to stay alive. Meanwhile on the Enterprise Dr. Crusher is trying to save another Romulan that is dying, the only way is through a transfusion from Worf. And Worf is like 'fuck that'. So the dude dies. A Romulan Warbird approaches and is ready for a fight, but Picard is finally able to beam up Geordi and the Romulan (who explains that Geordi has saved his life). The End.

ST TNG: 55 down 124 to go

Friday, September 07, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 55 - Booby Trap

Oh the endless juvenile jokes I could make. But really, why do they use the term 'booby' trap??

This plot seems to have been used a zillion times. "In this episode, the Federation Starship USS Enterprise discovers a derelict centuries-old alien battlecruiser and becomes trapped with it."

At least it has some interesting science in it, as well as the original blueprints to the Enterprise. In order to save their asses Geordi seeks the help of the blueprints creator Dr. Leah Brahms (via the holodeck). She's cute. Also, Picard navigates the ship. See, there's some cool stuff here.

Why even bother having crew members waste their time with problem solving. It seems like the computer + Data = every problem solved.

ST TNG: 54 down 125 to go

Sunday, September 02, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 54 - The Bonding

In this episode, a crewmember of the Federation Starfleet starship USS Enterprise is killed in a tragic accident, leaving behind a young son who must deal with her death.

 Well made and acted. It shows a softer side to Worf, he feels bad for this kid and makes him his brother ... in some weird Klingon way. Also, the episode explores Wesley's feelings over the death of his father.

But really though, this little kid has a shit life. His parents are both dead and the compensation for this is that he gets to live with a hideous Klingon. Sounds fucking fantastic.

ST TNG: 53 down 126 to go

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 53 - Who Watches the Watchers

I honestly feel that this episode is a turning point in TNG. Visualy it just seemed far better than all previous episodes and the actors seemed so much more comfortable in their roles. I dunno, maybe i'm wrong, maybe the next episode will suck ... or maybe I was just actually in a decent mood for once. We'll see.

The plot made no sense as usual. The Enterprise are visiting a secret outpost on a bronze-age planet. The outpost is hidden behind a hologram of a mountain. The scientists are there to observe this primitive culture. ..... why?? Seems like an absolute waste of time and money. Also, it borders on violating the Prime Directive.

The hologram fails, so Riker and crew beam down to assist. Too late. The inhabitants see the outpost and one of them falls off the mountain. Bev beams him up to sick bay for treatment. After saving him, they "erase his mind" and beam him back down. But it doesn't work! He now tells everyone that he was saved by a God named The Picard. Riker and Troi go down to the planet in disguise, but are soon found out and captured. What a total fucking mess!

Picard has to beam down and prove he is mortal and he does this by making someone shoot him. Then all is explained to these primative people .... which I'm sure totally fucks them up. Although I guess if Aliens visited the Native Americans or something, I guess no harm was done.

Also, the daughter of the injured planet dweller was pretty cute. I looked her up and her name is Pamela Segall .... and she is the voice of fucking Bobby Hill from King of the Hill???????

ST TNG: 52 down 127 to go

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 52 - The Survivors

The Survivors is a decent episode, it's certainly no Surviving the Game. My favorite movie about hunting hobos. This one is a throwback to TOS. Meaning, it's a plot in which the old show did numerous times. You see, an immortal energy being ends up on this planet and falls in love with a humanoid. When everyone on the planet is killed by the Husnok he recreates the woman that he loved. The twist is that this being is pissed off at the Husnok that he kills them all .... 50 billion of them! Picard doesn't feel that he should judge, so he just lets the being be. How very Switzerland.

ST TNG: 51 down 128 to go

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 51 - The Ensigns of Command

"Data must persuade a stubborn colony to evacuate their homeland under threat of a powerful and mysterious race."

A band of survivors from a crashed colony ship are being evacuated by the Shelians. They are giving the Enterprise three days or something to get 15,000 people off their planet. Also the transporter is broken! Picard must play shrewd diplomat with these bastards.

Also, Data is the only one that can beam down to the planet because of radiation. He tries to convince these idiots on the planet to go willingly, but the leader is a shithead. Some woman falls in love with Data ... but Data is incapable of returning any feelings. So why bother making Data fully functional if he never wants to have sex? He's such a woman.

ST TNG: 50 down 129 to go

Monday, August 20, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 50 - Evolution

"In this episode, escaped nanites threaten the Federation Starfleet starship USS Enterprise as well as its critical research mission."

Finally, Bev Crusher is back! Good riddence to that decrepit scarecrow Pulaski. While season two ended with a huge thud, season three starts off with only a slight thud. I sort of liked this one. Wesley's science experiment gets out of control when a a shitload of nano sixed beings escape. Data is finally able to establish contact with the creatures and work everything out. But anyway, good riddence once again to that human boglin Doctor Pulaski.

ST TNG: 49 down 129 to go

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 49 - Shades of Grey

"The tension between Riker and Deanna eventually comes to a head after Deanna asks Riker to punish her in order to show her how extreme a BDSM relationship with him could be. Riker fulfills Deanna's request, beating her with a belt, only for Deanna to realize that the two of them are incompatible as they currently stand. Devastated, Deanna leaves Riker and returns to the apartment she shares with Neil Sedaka."

Also Riker gets a cut on his leg and ends up in an all clip episode of TNG.

ST TNG: 48 down 130 to go

Friday, August 10, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 48 - Peak Performance

"The Enterprise and USS Hathaway face off in simulated combat maneuvers. Data fails to beat a humanoid at a game of Strategema and experiences feelings of self-doubt."

Picard brings Sirma onboard in order to asses the crews tactical skills. He is the best tactical person ever or something. Riker brings a rag tag crew of Worf, LaForge and Wesley on to the Hathaway in order to do "battle" with Picard and the Enterprise. Riker has zero chance of winning, but uses some clever trickery. Then the Ferengi show up and attack the Enterprise. Yeah, that's about it. The guy that played Sirma was really good. I looked it up and his name is Roy Brocksmith and he's been in a ton of 80's/90's movies.

ST TNG: 47 down 131 to go

Thursday, August 09, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 47 - The Emissary

'The Enterprise is sent a special emissary to help them deal with a three-quarter century-old waking-Klingon sleeper-ship."

They are already tiring out these "old flame" episodes. I think everybody has had one so far ... except Geordi. But, he's blind so his love interest could easily be a man pretending to be female, he wouldn't even know. Anyway, it was sort of odd to see Worf in love. Though they did make the female Klingon some what attractive. The episode had a few subtle guest stars, Deidrich Bader, the lady that played Lisa in Mad About You (the show that I personally hate more than anything else on this planet) and Col. Decker from the A-Team

ST TNG: 46 down 132 to go

Monday, August 06, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 46 - Manhunt

"The Enterprise must transport delegates to a conference, one of whom is an extremely mate-hungry Lwaxana Troi with eyes for Picard."

This episode was stupid but kind of funny. Lwaxana is looking for a man and wants Picard ... so naturally he hides in the holodeck the entire time. What a buzzkill. Why not just get laid already. Then she sets her sites on Riker, he actually seems tempted too. Majel Barret looks pretty good actually. Also Mick Fleetwood plays a giant fish.

ST TNG: 45 down 133 to go

Wednesday, August 01, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 45 - Up the Long Ladder

"The Enterprise becomes involved in two previously unknown Earth colonies' struggle for survival."
What a weird episode. These two Earth colonies all come from the decendants of the cargo ship SS Mimosa?? something like that. They split into two groups, one is a stuck up race full of clones and the other .... Irish people from the 18th century?? Why would this ever happen? I really do not have a clue. Anyway, the cloning race is all fucked up do to a screwy gene pool, so they trick Riker and Palaski into beaming down so they could steal their DNA. Riker falls in love with a sexy Irish woman, which judging by the looks of the Kennedy females, I would say this is a rarity. In the end, Pulaski convinces the two groups to put aside their difference and have lots of sex.

ST TNG: 44 down 134 to go

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 44 - Samaritan Snare

"Picard undergoes a medical procedure at a starbase while Riker leads the Enterprise in answering a distress call from an alien ship that proves to be trouble."

Picard gets heart surgery??? So random. The doctors look like the Aquabats ... a weird ska-punk band that now have a kids show for some reason ... anyway. Riker sends Geordi to a distress call on some ship in which everybody looks like the comic book character Blob ... or more accurately Bobo and Lil Debull from Nothing But Trouble (the best movie). They abduct Geordi by pretending to be in distress ... this is evidently called the Samaritan Snare. It's not even a good trick!!

ST TNG: 43 down 135 to go

Friday, July 27, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 43 - Q Who?

So Q wants to join the Enterprise crew. I would let him, why the hell not. Picard seems to think they don't need him, but he's about to show them otherwise. Q tosses the Enterprise 7,000 light years away and into their first encounter with tennis player Bjorn Borg. The Borg are pretty awesome, the ship is pretty awesome and their careless demeanor is pretty awesome. They are very Nine Inch Nails. The Borg prove to be brutal adversaries, they seemingly can't be destroyed. Also, they are the ones that had been destroying outposts in the episode The Neutral Zone. There's an odd interaction between Q and Guinan that makes you wonder whether she herself might be a Q. Now to bitch about something. What is the odds of this "race" being called the Borg ... they are obviously Cyborgs, which is an Earth word!

ST TNG: 42 down 136 to go

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 42 - Pen Pals

I dunno. This episode is a bit all over the place. Sometimes it's good, sometimes boring. Data is way too serious in this. He obviously goes way out of line to bring this girl on the ship. He made "pen pals" with this hideous alien kid ... ironically played by Nikki Cox ... who is married to Jay Mohr??? Anyway, he violates the Prime Directive because she is from a pre-warp civilization. So they erase her mind.

ST TNG: 41 down 137 to go

Monday, July 23, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 41 - The Icarus Factor

What an absolute crock-o-shit. On many levels this episode sucks, many many levels. First we have Riker and his estranged father, his father wants to make amends but really he is sort of a dick. At one point he defends his absence in Rikers life by saying "Come on! I gave you 14 good years!" ... gee thanks. And evidently Rikers dad used to screw Dr. Pulaski. Gross. Then we have Riker leaving the Enterprise for a better job ... yea yea, how many times is this plot going to come up? Next up Worf's age of ascencion ceremony on the holodeck ... this involves him getting beat down by other Klingons. Much like getting jumped into a gang, which is ironic because Klingons are obviously supposed to be black. Also, one of the Klingons is played by John Tesh. Last but not least we have Riker and his dad fighting in the dumbest martial arts sport ever ... Anbo-Jitsu. They dress up like Tron and swing a staff wildly at each other.

ST TNG: 40 down 138 to go

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 40 - Time Squared

I really liked this one. The Enterprise encounter a Starfleet shuttlecraft floating in space. Picard orders it taken into shuttle bay and they open the door and inside is .... Picard! This is not some kind of shapeshifter, it's the real Picard from 6 hours in the future ... a time when the Enterprise has been destroyed and only Picard survives. Now the present Picard is grilling the future Picard on the details of what happened to the Enterprise. They figure that future Picard is stuck in a time loop ... so they kill him. Sure it doesn't make sense, but it was cool.

ST TNG: 39 down 139 to go

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 39 - The Royale

Not a bad plot, not the best episode. Data, Worf and Riker beam down to a planet and end up in a hotel from the 1900's. The also find a small NASA ship drifting in orbit. How is this possible? The explanation is some what cool. There was this Astronaut that got lost in space, he was captured by these aliens and they felt bad for him so they recreated Earth for him. Sadly for him they based it on the only resource they had available ... a poorly written novel about a casino. This place ended up being his hell until he eventually died of old age. On the other hand, Data has one heck of a time gambling. But really, an astronaut goes into space, i'm assuming he is able to bring only a small amount of items ... so he brings a shitty pulp fiction novel?

ST TNG: 38 down 140 to go

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 38 - Contagion

I will review this episode in the stylings of a 4th graders book report. In other words, the same as usual. The Enterprise meet up with the Yamato. The Yamato think they have found the fabled planet Iconia. Sort of Atlantis of space ... they had crazy technology and shit. A probe comes from the planet and infects the Yamato with a computer virus that slowly destroys the ship. A Romulan ship shows up. They too become infected. The Enterprise works together with the Romulans to figure out how to reverse the virus. Data suggests destroying the source on the planet. That's it. It was decent enough I guess. Not enough Data.

ST TNG: 37 down 141 to go

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 37 - The Dauphin

What the hell did I just watch? These costumes are an embarrassment. Even TOS had better shit than this. Seriously, look at that fucking thing. Anyway, this beast is a shape shifter and this is it's true form. It appears to Wesley as a cute girl and they soon fall for each other. She is forced to reveal her true self to Wesley and he is more mad at her for not telling the truth than he is about the fact that she looks like a monster. She tries to smooth things over by telling him that she can transform into anything that he wants. So, my question is, would you date this thing? I'm a bit intrigued by having it be whatever you want ... on the other hand it is still really gross looking. I think I'd go for it. Then I can make it look like The Red Baron and I would dress up like Eddie Rickenbacker ... then we have sex.

ST TNG: 36 down 142 to go

Monday, July 09, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 36 - The Measure of a Man

This was a pretty good episode. It's just basically a court room drama, but it was entertaining. Starfleet wants to take apart Data in order to study him. Picard argues that he is a sentient being and has rights, Starfleet sees him as their property. Picard must act as Data's lawyer in order to save his life. Also in this episode Data reveals that he screwed Tasha Yar.
I would say that just because Data is not human, does not mean that he should be destroyed. This seems like a very odd request from Starfleet. Plus, Data is arguably the best Officer in all of Starfleet ... so lets kill him?? Another very stupid element to this one is the fact that Riker must be the Prosecutor in the case against Data. Why would this ever be a good idea? If I'm ever on trial I sure as hell would not mind having my friend as the Prosecutor. Seems like a HUGE conflict of interest??

ST TNG: 35 down 143 to go

Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 35 - A Matter of Honor

I most likely will not be saying this too much in season two ... but this episode is awesome. Riker ends up serving as a First Officer on the Klingon Battle Cruiser Pagh. This is because he has joined a Federation Officer Exchange Program, yeah it's kind of dumb but whatever. Up until this point in the series Lt. Riker has been a relatively cool cat, but this episode has elevated him to total badass status. It was awesome to see the way the Klingon crew operates and it's always nice to view the dark and dirty interior of a Klingon ship. Cool side note: the Klingon commander is played by Chris Collins also known as the voice of both Cobra Commander AND Starscream.
So Riker jumps right into the role of a Klingon, right down to fighting for no reason and eating vile foods. Also, the female Klingons are constantly trying to bang him ... I must admit that I started to consider whether or not I would have sex with these hideous monstrosities. I think I would. I mean the face looks like a 90 year old Arab woman, but the bodies are pretty tight. Although those teeth would rip your dick to shreds.

Now were was I? Oh yes, so eventually the Klingons smell treachery. Or maybe it was just Dr. Pulaski's old vagina. Nonetheless they attempt to attack the Enterprise, but Riker foils their plans in a very Klingon type of way. By being a total shithead.

ST TNG: 34 down 144 to go

Friday, June 29, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 34 - Unnatural Selection

Wow, my nightmare has come true ... an entire Dr. Pulaski themed episode. I now know who the worst character is Star Trek is. She just sucks.

First the Enterprise finds the USS Lantree and everyone on it has died of old age. They trace the problem to this planet that has been 'creating?' telepathic kids?? Or something. Their minds are so advanced that they send out antibodies to kill diseases before they even get near them. This is what has been attacking people and causing them to age. Pulaski and Data go down to the planet and she gets the disease. She's rapidly aging, to be honest she looks the same. There is no cure either, so for a minute I'm thinking that maybe they kill her off. To my dismay they do not. Picard takes a piece of her hair and uses the DNA to correct her cells while she beams up. This has never before been attempted .... and for some reason they seem to never use it again.

ST TNG: 33 down 145 to go

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 33 - The Schizoid Man

I always thought that Schizoid was sort of a derogatory name for a crazy person. Evidently it's an actual medical term. This episode has it's moments, just not enough of them to say that it was any good. Morgan Sheppard who is typically a decent actor is just way to over the top as Dr. Graves. The premise is that Dr. Graves is dying, so he transfers his mind into Data. Nobody can understand why Data is acting like a giant prick. He disobeys orders and hits on all the chicks. He finally professes his love for his assistant but accidentally breaks her hand because he doesn't realize Data's strength. Then he beats up Picard. ....and seeing how they have 5 minutes left in this episode they better wrap this up quick. Oh, so he leaves Data's body for seemingly no reason. Why is that on Star Trek there are so many Doctors and Scientists that are good 'ol southern boys???

ST TNG: 32 down 146 to go

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 32 - Loud as a Whisper

Let me just say, evolution makes zero sense in the Star Trek realm. In this episode there is a famous peace negotiator. He is deaf and can't talk. So on his planet, he has sort of evolved to be able to talk through other people telepathically. How about fucking evolving to be able to hear again? It just seems way simpilar than telepathy. After his speakers are all called, he is forced to use sign language. The moral of this story is .... I have no fucking clue. The actor is really deaf and he does a good job, but honestly he doesn't have any lines so how hard could it be.

ST TNG: 31 down 147 to go

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 31 - The Outrageous Okona

Remember when I said that TNG is good at blending sci-fi with other genres? Well they are good at that, unfortunately sometimes it's just shit. Such as this episode. Captain Okuna is a space rogue, a total Han Solo rip off right down to his clothing. He needs some repairs to his ship. Come to find out he is a wanted criminal on two waring planets. On one he stole something and on the other he knocked up some chick and bailed. Oh no he didn't! Come to find out that the baby is not even his ... it's the child of the dude that he stole something from on that other planet. Following me so far? You see, the girl from planet A and the boy from planet B are in love ... so at the end of the episode they get married. First off all, it's pretty clear that the girl must have at least slept with Okona. Second of all, this episode played out like a spin-off attempt ... thank God it wasn't. Although Okuna was played  by the guy that was the Rockateer. He's a decent actor.

Plot two was just as dumb. Although it was all about Data, which never fails to be hilarious. This time he's trying to learn how to be a standup comic. He compiles a bunch of washed up jokes and tries them out on Guinan. She cringes at how bad they are. Seriously though Whoopie, your a decent actress but you are the hackiest comic ever. Anyway, Data asks the holodeck to recreate the funniest comic of all-time. And it's Joe Fucking Piscopo. I just lost all respect for the holodeck.

ST TNG: 30 down 148 to go

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 30 - Elementary, Dear Data

Would this episode be considered Steampunk? I think it might. This is one of those TNG episodes that take you away from the "in your face" sci-fi that we are used to and venture into other genres. What TNG does so well is to mix in the sci-fi just enough so that you still feel like your watching Star Trek and not Knots Landing (of which as a kid I always thought was about Nazis??).

The message in this one is "be careful what you say to the holodeck" ... i guess. Data (as Holmes) and Geordi (as Watson) go into the holodeck to create a Sherlock Holmes mystery. The problem is that Data can solve these in like two seconds. So, Geordi asks the holodeck to create an adversary capable of defeating Data. Problem. What he should have asked for was an adversary capable of defeating Holmes. Now the holodeck has used all it's power to create a nearly realistic villain that is equal to Data himself, Professor Moriarty. Also, it's the Butler from the show The Nanny. He kidnaps that annoying Dr. Pulaski and really who would care, she sucks. Picard ends up talking to Moriarty and the Professor understands that he's just a hologram but he feels so real and wishes to be a person. Picard offers to save his character so that they can hang out whenever they want. Something like that.

ST TNG: 29 down 149 to go

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 29 - Where Silence Has Lease

I have to keep reminding myself that this show is from the late 80's. But, damn the villain in this episode is so stupid looking. I'm guessing it was made by Jim Henson or something. "Dance, Magic, Dance, Magic, Dance". Anyway, i'll post the picture later. The plot is thus; The Enterprise gets sucked into a void in space. They encounter strange space-time loops etc. They see mirages of Romulan and Federation ships. This is all an experiment given by some super being. They see no way out, so Picard issues a self destruct. For really no reason. It worked and the being lets them go ... for some reason. Then Picard makes friends with it ... i guess.

ST TNG: 28 down 150 to go

Monday, June 18, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 28 - The Child

Season Two. A rough year for Star Trek with the whole writers strike thing and shit. They used some old Phase II scripts and this is one of them. A lot of people hate this episode, but I didn't find it all that bad. It's not top quality but the acting was good. And Troi is always hot. Even when she's having an alien baby that rapidly grows from a newborn to teenager in like one day. Riker finally grows his beard. Gates McFadden is gone, replaced by some other doctor woman of whom I can't stand. This episode also has the great ... well maybe not great, but mildly decent Miles O'Brien in it. Another surprise was Guinan. I have always hated this character, but in this episode Whoopi Goldberg was just so damn good. I'm not a big fan of Whoopi, but I must admit that she's a pretty solid actor. ANYWAY. Why does a ship that has replicators, need a bartender?

ST TNG: 27 down 151 to go

Friday, June 15, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 27 - The Neutral Zone

Damn, season one is already done. It ends on a high note ... and then fizzles out at the end. I'll get to that. First off all, good guest stars in this one. You got, the great Peter Marc Richman who played Chrissy's dad on Three's Company, Anthony James who was the villain in one of the Naked Gun movies, the dude that played John Billings in The Patriot and the Gul Dukat guy from DS9.

The Enterprise happens upon a 21st Century Satellite thingy. On board are cryogenically frozen humans. Three are still alive. Here's the genius of this, these people are not scientists or anything ... rather they are typical annoying Americans. You got an emotionally unstable house wife, an alcoholic country singer and a dickhead business man named Ralph Offenhouse (remember him because he is somewhat important). Picard must deal with their problems while simultaneously dealing with the complete destruction of Starfleet outposts near the Neutral Zone. Soon they are visited by one of my favorite all time Star Trek ships ... the huge, green, Romulan Warbird. Sweet. Picard finds out that Romulan outposts have also been destroyed. (Note: this is the first vague reference to the Borg). Picard makes sort of an alliance with the Romulans. Sort of. And then the episode ends. Yeah, that's it. It was the most passive season finale ever.

Now back to Oppenhouse. He actually appears in a bunch of Star Trek novels, both before and after this episode. Once back on Earth he ends up becoming a Starfleet big wig and Ambassador to the Ferengi. I just read somewhere too that instead of the ship finding all of these frozen people, the original idea was for them to find a frozen Harry Mudd. Sadly Roger Carmel died before the making so they had to re-write it.

ST TNG: 26 down 152 to go

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 26 - Conspiracy

Every once in awhile an episode comes along that just makes you go wow. This is one of those episodes. Unfortunatly it made me go, wow what a piece of shit. The sad thing is that it really seemed like they went all out on this one. It's just too stereotypical sci-fi. There is a Conspiracy involving Starfleet high command, they seem to be trying to take over Starfleet ... also they eat worms. This is because they are actually just hosts for an alien parasite race ... known as Mexicans. Just kidding. This episode just turns into a rip off of Aliens, V, etc etc. It has the alien parasite bustin through someones chest and everything. Although I did enjoy Data's attempt at laughing (one of many awesome moments) and the appearance of the great great great GREAT Michael Berryman.

ST TNG: 25 down 153 to go

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 25 - We'll Always Have Paris

An odd group of guest stars ... Michelle Phillips from the Mamas & the Pappas, and the guy that played Freud in Bill & Teds Excellent Adventure. I like the science in this episode, it involves an experimental machine that screws with space-time. The wife of this inventor is Picards old f-buddy from Paris. He stood her up one day and never saw her again. Until now. They recreate that day in Paris in the Holodeck and this time Picard shows up. Nothing happens because she's married ... so what the fuck was the point? Oh and that machine thing goes crazy and Data fixes it. Why use the holodeck to recreate a regret?? Not like you can correct it. So dumb.

ST TNG: 24 down 154 to go

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 24 - Skin of Evil

"An evil, tar-like creature holds Troi hostage on an alien world". Sounds kind of dumb? Well it is, sorta. The episode is a total TOS throwback. The tar creature looks stupid, sounds stupid and well is just plain stupid. But, at times the thing was a bit creepy I must admit. He embodies all of the negativity of the planets previous inhabitants. It doesn't understand 'good'. I have a million jokes for this episode that I'm not going to touch... Anyway, it kills Tasha Yar. Yes, she's dead. I couldn't believe that she was only in one season?? Whenever I thought of TNG, I always thought of Yar. And she was only in 24 episodes. Odd. The funeral scene was pretty good. Solid acting all around. I can't say that I will miss her because to be honest the acting of Denise Crosby just didn't hold up to the rest of the cast.

ST TNG: 23 down 155 to go

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 23 - Symbiosis

Not a bad idea, a bit corny, but watchable. The Enterprise encounter a disabled vessel ... Picard strikes up a conversation with the ships Captain and it's fairly apparent that he is high as a fucking kite. They soon find themselves in the middle of a bizarre situation. There are two planets; one suffers from a sickness while the other provides them medicine. It seems like a good situation. One planet is kept alive while the other makes a few bucks. Right? WRONG. This "sickness" does not exist, the drug planet is just keeping the people addicted to these drugs. Picard puts an end to this funny business let me tell you what. Tasha Yar also gives the dumbest cliched anti-drug speech to Wesley Crusher. Boy, I wish they would kill her off ... wink, wink.

ST TNG: 22 down 156 to go

Friday, June 08, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 22 - The Arsenal of Freedom

A lot going on this episode. The Enterprise are in search of the USS Drake, they end up on an empty planet. This was once a great weapons planet, they sold arms. You with me so far? Ok. So Picard, Riker, Data, Yar and Crusher beam down and encounter deadly drones and holograms. Geordi is in command of the Enterprise and they become under attack by a cloaked weapon. He ends up seperating the saucer section. Picard and Crusher fall down a crevace and nearly have sex. By the way I'm talking about Beverley, not Wesley. Just to be clear. Finally the greatest hologram of all time shows up ... a Vincent Schiavelli hologram. Fuck this Tu-pac hologram that everyone is so excited about ...

ST TNG: 21 down 157 to go

Thursday, June 07, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 21 - Heart of Glory

A few cool things in this episode. One ... they dive into Geordi's origins and the technical aspects of his visor. Even though it adds nothing to the plot. And evidently he still sees like shit. Two ... they dive deeper into the Worf character, his origins and his struggle with being Klingon. This is what makes TNG a great series. The character development is incredible, plus they get so technical. This is what I always wanted from Star Trek ... show me how everything works. The plot is basically, the Enterprise saves three Klingon fugitives and this forces Worf to unleash his inner beast. He's actually pretty scary for once.

ST TNG: 20 down 158 to go

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 20 - Coming of Age

This episode was actually pretty good. Even though nothing happened. Wesley is competing for the last spot in this years Starfleet Academy class. It was actually cool to see the tests and that kind of crap. He does well, but misses out. Meanwhile on the Enterprise, Picard must deal with a seemingly pointless investigation into wrong doing on the ship. It was all test ... i guess?? Anyway, in the end Picard is offered the rank of Admiral but he declines. Also, I am a trained gorilla in warfare and I'm the top stripper in the entire US armed forces. Not only am I extensively trained in unclothed combat.

ST TNG: 19 down 159 to go

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 19 - Home Soil

The cool thing about "Home Soil" is that it brings back the whole Genises Project idea, as the Enterprise visit a Terra-forming planet. The problem is that the scientists think that the planet is uninhabited by intelligent life (and in a way it is ... there are bl ... you know I'm not going to do that joke), anyway there's single celled crystal things living here. Individually they are not intelligent, but when they clump together they are very intelligent. They soon revolt and Picard must negotiate a compromise, but not before torturing the poor creature. This episode has Walter Gotell in it, he was in a bunch of the old Bond films.

ST TNG: 18 down 160 to go

Monday, June 04, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 17 - When The Bough Breaks

A planet in which everyone is sterile do to radiation, plans on kidnapping the kids from the Enterprise. They end up being really nice people so Picard lets them go. Pretty stupid actually. Not even the great Jerry Hardin (from season 1 of X-Files) could save this one. The dumbest part was when Will Crusher saves the kids by starting a peaceful resistance movement. Just the kind of excitement Star Trek needs!

ST TNG: 17 down 161 to go

Friday, June 01, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 16 - Too Short A Season

Garbage. Let me just run through this plot in two sentences. An old geezer admiral accidently started a war 40 years ago. He now goes back to make things right, and takes pills to make him young again??? It's such a TOS plot. Also, the guy that plays the old man has the shittiest make up on. They try to make him look really old, but it just looks stupid. Nevermind the fact that the actual actor was born in fucking 1938! How good could this dude possibly look that you had to make him look old. Too short a season? Try too long an episode. I wish the rapper Too Short was in it. That's all I got. Spoiler Alert: He OD's at the end.

ST TNG: 16 down 162 to go

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 15 - 11001001

I sort of liked this episodes, just because I find the Bynars interesting. They are an alien species that has become completely interconnected with computers. They come aboard the Enterprise to make great upgrades to the Holodeck. Riker and Picard create a jazz club (a fucking jazz club!) ... Riker plays the Trumpet ... they meet a "hot chick". It was all a ploy for the Bynars to steal the ship and save their home world. Which they do, and nobody really seemed to care.

ST TNG: 15 down 163 to go

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 14 - Angel One

Where to start? Angel One is a planet in which men are treated as "women". As in they are considered stupid and must dress sexy. Everyone is a bit put off by this ... except Riker he goes balls in on it. Meanwhile on the ship everyone is sick and Dr. Crusher ends up in charge. The leaders of Angel One want the Enterprise to take a group of revolutionaries (all men) that have been hiding out (they are from a crashed Federation ship named Odin).

The second they show this group, I was like NO WAY! Because one of them looked like McGyver. I thought it was going to be him as a guest star. Closer look ... not him. yeah that's about it. I will add a sexy Riker pic from this episode later today... stay tuned.

Also every "hot chick" guest star on this show is so 80's. Granted it is 1987, but I feel like I'm watching a Whitesnake video.

ST TNG: 14 down 164 to go

Monday, May 28, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 13 - Datalore

This may be the best episode of Season One. I like Data, but I love Lore. Why would someone build an android that is a total asshole?!?! This episode is cool because it gives you Data's back story. They found him on this planet, he was built by Dr. Noonien Soong (the ancestor of Arik Soong from the Eugenics Wars), he has an evil brother named Lore and his planet has been decimated by the Crystaline Entity. Anyway, Lore causes trouble on the Enterprise and it ends with a brawl between Lore and Data.

ST TNG: 13 down 165 to go

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 12 - The Big Goodbye

Yes, the Dixon Hill one. This episode works very well as a detective story ... but I want to watch Star Trek. Picard is just so un-Picard like that it comes off as a bit odd. This is the Captains first shot at the Holodeck and he's happy, excited and even a bit giddy ... it's just not him. I don't like happy Picard. At least Data is hilarious as always. So ... here's my question about the holodeck. Can you have sex in it? A woman kisses Picard and he said he could feel it ... so I'm guessing you can. That being said, would this not be what every man on the ship would be doing constantly? THAT being said, would not the floor just be covered in jizz?

ST TNG: 12 down 166 to go

Friday, May 25, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 11 - Haven

Yes, this is actually in the episode
This episode has the look, feel and plot of a terrible day time soap opera. But, it does have a great cast of guest stars ... including Nan Martin (who you may remember from the Drew Carey Show if you even watched that). Anyway, the plot sucks. Troi and crew go to planet Haven to take part in her arranged marriage. In the end, he leaves her for another woman. We get to meet her annoying mother Lwaxana (played by a surpringly adequate Majel Barrett). Haven should be a planet in which everyone worships Richie Havens. Also, the Betazoids are such a dumb race. That's all I got.

ST TNG: 11 down 167 to go

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 10 - Hide and Q

I do not like this episode. Granted, it's watchable, as many of the TNG eps are ... but it just does not make sense. It involves Q trying to tempt a human into becoming a Q. He gives Riker all of his powers. Soon Riker gives all of his friends everything they want, Geordi his sight, Wesley becomes an adult ... and Worf gets a hot chick?? Seems pretty trivial compared to giving a blind guy his fucking sight back! Anyway, Picard talks Riker into refusing the offer ... although Riker seems to really want to take it. In the end, Riker has the chance to use the power to bring a little girl back from the dead, but he can't because he promised Picard not to use his Q powers. There's a whole thing going on with pigs wearing 19th century French Military outfits. It's all so stupid and it seems like such a huge waste of time. Q has nothing better to do?!?!? You are probably the most powerful being in the universe and this is what you do with your life. I remember really liking Q, but so far he just irritates the shit out of me.

ST TNG: 10 down 168 to go

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 9 - The Battle

Another attempt at making the Ferengi into a nemises. This episode was pretty decent though. Evidently when Picard was the Cpt of the Stargazer he had destroyed an unknown vessel but was also forced to abandon ship. That unknown vessel was Ferengi and now Daimon Bok has come to return the Stargazer to Picard ... to honor him for killing his own people?? Whatever. Obviously it was a trap. Even though the episode makes no sense, I still always enjoy seeing other Starfleet vessels.
ST TNG: 9 down 169 to go

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 8 - Justice

Ha ha, what the hell did I just watch!?!? Sure leave is ordered on a planet named Edo. On this planet, everyone jogs constantly, are half naked and have orgies all over the place. So naturally Picard sends down Wesley Crusher. He ends up walking into a bed of flowers and gets sentenced to death. Yeah, I don't really get it either. The entire episode has the vibe of a Magnum PI episode ... I really can't explain why, it just does. I was on vacation in space Connecticut and just could not wait to get home and watch TNG. I only regret that I have but one life to give for Star Trek.

ST TNG: 8 down 170 to go

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 7 - Lonely Among Us

Fucking Data. That dude cracks me up. Seeing him walking around the ship pretending to be Sherlock Holmes, smoking a pipe and talking like a 19th century sleuth ... priceless. Other than that, not a great episode. The Enterprise goes through a cloud and ends up with an entity that takes over peoples bodies, he eventually merges with Picard and nearly kills him. Also, there are delegates on board ... lizard creatures and monkey/wolves??? Anyway, that plot goes nowhere. I cracked up when Worf got electrocuted, he looked like Beetleguice, In general Worf looks so different in these old episodes, he so much less muscular. Not reallyh tough looking at all. Also, the special effects sucked in this one. Thank god for Data.

ST TNG: 7 down 171 to go

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 6 - Where No One Has Gone Before

In this episode a galactic traveler takes the Enterprise on a trip one 2 million light years away. He has the power to turn thought into reality. This he uses to propel the ship at insane speeds and into a strange realm. It's a decent episode actually. I'm only a few episodes in and I already love Picard. He is so angry, irritable and antisocial. Also, as much as everybody seemed to hate the Wesley Crusher character I find the akward interactions between him and Picard to be priceless. One last thing, the actor that plays the traveler in this episode is very good. I looked him up and this was his most notable role ... he's actually a lawyer!!

ST TNG: 6 down 172 to go

Monday, May 14, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 5 - The Last Outpost

Starfleet's first visual encounter with the Ferengi, Although it did also happen in the show Enterprise. Anyway ... they have stolen a piece of technology and the Enterprise track them down. Both ships are abruptly immobilized by the keeper on an ancient planet. He wants to test them to see if they are good or evil. Something like that. Anyway, it's a typical Star Trek plot.

Now to the Ferengi. I love them. They are so funny and just so damn sleazy. Awesome. Then I realized that they are supposed to be the mortal enemies in TNG (like the Klingons in TOS). They are just not threatening enough. Also, Picard comments that they are very similar to 17th Century American Sea Traders. Really? REALLY!?!?! American traders?? Really!?

ST TNG: 5 down 173 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 4 - Code of Honor

Ha ha, wow this episode was insanely racist. The Enterprise is need of an antidote from this planet. On this planet are a race of black people from a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Not only does this culture mimic African tribal customs and appearance, but they are also totally backwards and savage. It's actually like mixing Star Trek with Coming To America. They live by a code of honor, which is far to reminiscent of a street gang.

The tribe leader ends up kidnapping Tasha Yar ... for some weird custom. I guess the custom is to steal a white woman or something. But, then he ends up wanting to marry her, unfortunately his wife doesn't like this and she want to fight Yar to the death. From what I gather this entire thing was just a ploy to have someone kill his wife. Thus far, a tough start for TNG season one.

ST TNG: 4 down 174 to go

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 3 - The Naked Now

Kind of a bit lazy to rehash an entire TOS plot. The crew gets infected by a virus that makes you drunk ... sound familiar? Is drinking alcohol supposed to make you want to have sex? Because honestly it usually just makes me fall asleep.

Even though the plot isn't the best, the characters sure do make this a fun episode. Yar, Troi and Crusher are all rather sexy in this one. Data is just hilarious and even Wesley is tolerable. I did notice something odd ... Wesley Crusher is taller than Geordi!! Speaking of Geordi, I like him ... seems like a nice guy. That's the thing with TNG, I actually want to be friends with these people ... where as the TOS crew I'm sure they would irritate me in real life., yes real life.

ST TNG: 3 down 175 to go

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Star Trek TNG: Episode 1/2 - Encounter at Farpoint

First off, TNG is an awesome series. I would say the best Star Trek series. That being said, Encounter at Farpoint is a bit lame. Don't get me wrong, there is a lot that I like about this episode, but it has the typically awkward flow of a pilot episode. The first 10 minutes are pretty shitty actually, the production quality, effects and even the color all suck. The general plot is just ok. It is the first few days of the new Enterprise mission and Captain Picard is getting used to the ship. Just before they can even embark on a journey they are interrupted by the super-being known as Q. In typical Trek fashion this being claims humans to be evil and sends them on a test. This plot has been used a billion times! Anyway, Q is a decent character.

What Encounter at Farpoint does effectively is introduce you to the characters. You get to see what kind of ride TNG is about to take you on. It's not just a sci-fi show, it has so much more depth to it. I always called it a Soap-Opera in Space", with all due respect. This is what makes this show so good. Right off the bat all the actors pretty much have their characters down. Picard is already angry and irritated! What will be interesting is to watch the development of the Riker character. He is so overwhelmed and wild-eyed in these early episodes. ..... I actually owned these episodes on VHS.

ST TNG: 2 down 176 to go

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Star Trek: Of Gods and Men

A well done mini series. Technically a fan made show, but it has a large cast of veteran actors. Including a great performances by Walter Koenig and Nichelle Nichols. Also appearing in this series is Alan Ruck (Cpt. Harriman), Tim Russ (Tuvok), Ensign Kim, Neelix, General Martok, Chase Masterson, the kid that played Jake Sisco and Gary Graham. Oh and also the dude that played Boomer on Battle Star Galactica.

The production quality is great, the special effects are just OK and the plot is pretty awesome. I'll try and not spoil it too much. Basically it takes place about 12 years after Undiscovered Country (and also the prologue in Generations). It starts with Capt.Uhura and Capt. Checkov attending a museum dedication to the Enterprise. Suddenly they are summoned to a distress call and end up on an alternate timeline. This is the result of an interaction between Charlie Evans and the Guardian of Forever. There is an epic space battle at the end as well as the ultimate showdown: Charlie Evans vs Gary Mitchell.

Well worth the watch. I have a new respect for Nichelle Nichols, she was very good in this series. I'd suggest everyone give it a go if your bored one day. It can be viewed on the Of Gods and Men website (although, I couldn't get Act Three to work so I had to Youtube it). Anyway, next up TNG!

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

Star Trek VI: Undiscovered Country

This may be my favorite Original cast Star Trek movie. It's at least tied with Star Trek 4. What a vast improvement over the previous Shatner directed piece of crap called Final Frontier. Ever wonder what a kick-ass Russian Spy novel, mixed with Star Wars with a sprinkling of Mad Max would look like? Yeah, me neither. But, this movie is just that ... and it's awesome.

The movie is solid across the board (even though it had a smaller budget than Final Frontier). The cast is great and the guest stars which include Kurtwood Smith, Kim Cattrall, Christopher Plummer and a cameo by Christian Slater ... are fantastic. I love seeing Sulu as the Cpt. of the Excelsior. A few things that I don't like: Kirk's lobster bib uniform, Kirk fights Kirk and the Klingon that looks like an Ewok.

The premise is basically this; someone is trying to sabotage a peaceful negotiation (spoiler: it's Odo) between Starfleet and the Klingons. Kirk and Bones go to Klingon jail and are defended by Worf. Stuff happens, the end. Just watch the fucking movie. It's exciting, funny and surprisingly poignant (whatever the hell that means).

Monday, May 07, 2012

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

I'm sorry but this movie borders on terrible. The special effects are awful, the plot is typical and the only memorable scene is "row row your boat" (which is stupid). Although I do like the ending, when I guess they kill God or something. Sort of interesting I guess. The entire Klingon plot is pointless ... also Spock's brother?? Really? The whole point is to cross the Great Barrier Reef and then they do and there's really nothing there except that shit planet with fake god on it.

The entire beginning is just dumb. Kirk rock climbing (I mean what's the point), Spock with rocket shoes and Bones being a schitzo. I feel like I'm watching a Three Stooges episode. The movie basically has the feel of Dune meets Star Wars meets feces. The Klingons apologize!! This movie did not need to be made.I get the whole bonding with the Klingons had to happen at some point ... but this could have just been done in Star Trek 6. And what the hell is with the sexual tension between Uhura and Scotty?!?!? When the heck did that happen.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

The Voyage Home is a very good movie. In some ways it's better than II and III, in other ways it's not as good. I'll tell you this though, it's very unique. It's well directed, well written and very funny, in fact it almost seems like a spoof at times. It completely lacks action but sometimes that isn't a bad thing.

On paper the entire plot looks very odd. The crew no longer command the Enterprise but fly a Klingon Bird of Prey. They go back in time by swinging around the sun in order to save the whales. Oh and the villain yet again is a stupid probe. But I'll be honest, it all works. This is a very solid film. I'm not going to ruin the ending for you ... but it involves Ronald Regan giving Kirk AIDS.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Star Trek III: The Search For Spock

I thought Wrath 0f Khan was good, but this movie totally trumps it. Awesome. Khan seemed to be more of an action film, but Search for Spock was more of a drama ... and a well done one at that. Shatners acting is probably the best of his career. This movie has many key moments. The rebirth of Spock, the cloaked Bird of Prey, the failure of Genises, the death of David, the battle to the death between Kirk and Christopher Lloyd, the return of Sarek (played by the barely aged Mark Lenard), Spocks spirit inside Bones and the 000destruct0 of the Enterprise. From the second it starts to the dramatic ending of Spocks fal tor pan, this movie is great. Also, John Larrouquette's best performance ... other than Dan Feilding.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

Jesus I totally forgot how fucking awesome this movie is. I remember reading that Khan was named one of the top villains in movie history … and yeah I would have to agree. Ricardo was awesome. This is the problem with Star Trek 1 … the viewer has to connect with the villain in some way, but in the Motion Picture the villain is a mutherfuckin probe.

Everything is a vast improvement over the 1st movie. The effects are decent and the script is just light years better. Kirk is back to his old self, and has some great lines. The battle between Khan in the Reliant and Kirk in the Enterprise is just so cool. 

I like the characters of Dr. Marcus and Kirk’s son David … as well as the whole plot line with the Genesis Device. As for the Kirstie Alley character … it adds nothing. Although I am reminded that she did look hot at some point, be it thirty years ago. Yet again Nimoy/Spock steals the show. The ending to Wrath of Khan may be one of the best endings in movie history, at least in the sci-fi genre. I actually went back and watched it twice.