Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Button This!

I was recently taking a leak behind this bush when Gorn decides to shoot me with a phaser, Juan snapped the pic on his camera phone. I friggin pissed all over my feet! Man, i take bad pictures, my face looks like a napalmed vietcong. But the point of this post isnt about all that, it's about Button Fly Jeans. Sure sometimes i throw on a pair just for kicks. But seriously, what fool thought it would be a good idea for mens button fly jeans? It takes a good minute to get them unbuttoned and a good 3 minutes to re-button. When I have to piss, I HAVE TO PISS! It's embarissing standing in a public restroom hunched over the urinal furiously trying to button up your pants. I'm afraid everyone will think i'm masterbating. I go in the stall for that. How do you spell embarissing...is that right? Anyway, button fly jeans are pretty fruity....hippies wore them and they are homos. On a side note: Going into a gym is macho and tough right? But going into a Jim is gay! The english language is fascinating.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004


I recently watched a program on TLC entitled "A Haunting In Connecticut". It was the "true" story of a teenage boy who was tormented by a demon. Although I found this 2 hour program rather entertaining, I did find three things funny about the demon. 1. He had 50's greaser hair. 2. He had a "gay" beard and looked pretty much like Christopher Lowell. 3. He was wearing a nice suit. Why the suit? Once I saw this Jesus movie and at the end they show Satan and he was also wearing a suit. It really made me think. During one scene the boy finally confronts the ghost. He meets it in a room and begins to talk with it (it ends up possessing him), anyway before they start thier conversation the scene ends. I couldn't help but wonder what was said that night. I imagine it went something like this.
Boy: Yo, Yo, Wut Up?
Demon: Nothing good....get it? ....cuz heavan is...up...
Boy: Huh?
Demon: Nevermind......did you just call me a Yo-Yo?
Boy: What? ...Um, So your the guy thats haunting me huh.
Demon: Yeah, you know how it is? I'm just here to take your soul.
Boy: Hmmm........So whats up with the suit?
Demon: What? Did you hear me? I said I want your soul.
Boy: I know, but seriously, I just don't get the whole suit thing.
Demon: The suit is not important! I'm going to possess you!
Boy: Well, if you do, then just please don't make me wear the suit.
Demon: ....Stop harping on the damn suit!
Boy: It's just...not that great of a suit.
Demon: WHAT! It's a friggin' $800 suit!
Boy: C'mon man, like your a demon and all. Couldn't you have just gotten like the most expensive suit EVER?
Demon: I guess so.
Boy: And really, that beard .... well .... it's kinda gay.
Demon: OH C'MON NOW!
Boy: No disrespect, but it's a bit too, well-groomed.
Demon: What is this?!
Boy: That "slicked back hair" look ... it went out in like the 50's.
Demon: You gotta be kidding me! I'm the evil one here! Who the hell are you!
Boy: Sorry dude, but your just not that scary. I mean, the black eyes are a bit creepy. But you look like a mix between Christopher Lowell and a sleezy 70's music producer.
Demon: What?! Christopher Lowell?? CHRISTOPHER LOOOWWWWEEELLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, November 22, 2004

Taking Back Latte

I heard a commercial today for a Dunkin' Donuts latte that claimed "Dunkin' Donuts latte's will take you back" ... Take you back to what? Take you back to a time when you ... drank latte's??? Back like two years ago when you STILL had no life?? There are many things in life that are nostalgic, I 'm of course an emotionless fuck of a Mugato so I can't actually name any of them. But this I DO KNOW, there is NOTHING nostalgic about a fucking latte! Although they are tasty, D&D's Lattes are decent (roll my 12 sided donut....get it...nevermind), I'd rather have a Starbucks Pumpkin' Spice Latte anyday, those cats can make a good drink. I just hate spilling it on my fur...it stains.

Thursday, November 18, 2004