Friday, May 26, 2006

Gorn Hogan

Captain Naps and Gorn rastlin' , it gets pretty lonely on Neural Mountain. We tried to start our own Fight Club, but we are all all the rocks here are aparently made of styrofoam.

Smells Teen Espirit ... what??

Every race has it's own smell. It's true, it's no stereotype. Here's a quick run-down:

Hispanics: small like tortilla's, really they do. I could never figure out what the smell was until one day when I was actually heating up a tortilla and I said "H-O-L-Y S-H-I-T"

Asians: honestly, they smell like fish. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I still find Asian women hot as hell. And hell is pretty hot, this I know from that old Squirel Nut Zippers video. "In the afterlife..."

Blacks: might as well just say it ... B.O. Well, sometimes coco-butter. I don't know if deoderant just doesn't work on you guys.

Arabs: totally smell like curry. Not Mark Curry, but the spice ... curry. I've eaten curried chicken and then you sweat that shit out and smell like a dirty towel head.

Jews: i'm gonna go out on a limb and say... money. I really don't know, it's to general. In fact is Jewish a race or a religion? How can you say that Sharone, Seinfeld and Davis Jr. are all the same race???

Native Americans: i guess they small like a drunk guy, and probably unwashed ass.

Old People: small like piss and dirty hair....oh black people also smell like dirty hair. And yes Old people are a race, an inhuman race of ungrateful bastards.

Europeans: i think they also smell like b.o. I really don't know. Italians smell like olive oil.

OK, i lost interest in this.

PS: NEVER watch Lost in Translation, what a piece of shit movie!!

Monday, May 22, 2006

Steve Martin

Steve Martin is such a good actor. He's slowly taking over the top spot on my favorite actor list, sorry Michael Keaton. I recently watched the movie Shopgirl, it was fantabulousticly fantabulous. Martin, wrote, directed and co-stared in it AND he also wrote the book....which i just purchased (Barnes is so overpriced). He wrote some great films, The Jerk, Three Amigos, Roxanne, LA Story, Bowfinger and ..... um the Pink Panther. Seriously this movie cant be good. I really have nothing funny to say. He always had white hair though. That was kinda wierd....yeah. Anyway, remember that skit from Saturday Night Live when he was an Egyptian Farrow.
"Born in Babylonia but was raised in Arizona, KING TUT!" ......was that funny????

UPDATE: I just noticed that I wrote Farrow instead of Pharaoh....thats funny.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006


Cats are friggin' gross. That whole hairball thing is real fucked up. How come animals can get away with shit that humans can't. Can a human puke on your rug and then go sit down and lick his own balls? Maybe. But, it wouldn't be right. Male cats spray that shit everywhere to attract females, what is that stuff?? What If Cats where as big as the ones in Cats the Musical.

Munkustrap: Are you blind when you're born?
Demeter: If I was blind, then how would I lick my own balls and taint.
Plato: Can you say of your bite that it's worse than your bark?
Demeter: Plato your fucked up man, weez be cats, we don't bark. Are you related to Dana Plato? I'd bang her......postmortem!!
Bombalurina: When you're walking alone?
Demeter: Was that even a sentence? I need to puke on the floor, then spray my jizz on the corners of couches.
Munkustrap: Because Jellicles are and Jellicles do. Jellicles do and Jellicles would. Jellicles would and Jellicles can. Jellicles can and Jellicles do.
Demeter: What are you fuckin crazy? Jellicles? What the fuck iz that? Munkustrap, your a pussy.
Munkustrap: Touche

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Offensive....i can't think of a pun.

What is up with people being offended by the stupidest things. Such as Black people being offended when people say that they like chicken and watermelon....seriously think about this. You take offense to food. Fucking food!! I don't care if someone says that I like turkey bacon. I hate turkey bacon but I could care less if you say that I like it. Man....turkey bacon sucks. It's like eating a shoe....Elizabeth Shoe!! or her lesser known brother Andrew Shoe...whatever floats your boat. So what was I saying???

Oh and also Jews are offended when people say that they run Hollywood, they are also offended when you say that they have money. You morons do realize that running Hollywood is A GOOD THING!!! You fucking idiot. Is it really anti-semetic to say that you are successful????

Asians are offended when we say that they are good at Math??? Hispanics are offended when we say they eat tacos???? Arabs are offended when we call them terrorists??? OK so I guess thats a good one to be offended by....except for the fact that they actually ARE all terrorists.

I am offended by fact white people are offended by nothing. Say anything you me a honkey and i'll laugh at the hilarity of the word...honkey. It makes me think of Konkey from Pee Wee's Playhouse....and man, does it get any funnier than that?