Sunday, April 29, 2012

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

The Voyage Home is a very good movie. In some ways it's better than II and III, in other ways it's not as good. I'll tell you this though, it's very unique. It's well directed, well written and very funny, in fact it almost seems like a spoof at times. It completely lacks action but sometimes that isn't a bad thing.

On paper the entire plot looks very odd. The crew no longer command the Enterprise but fly a Klingon Bird of Prey. They go back in time by swinging around the sun in order to save the whales. Oh and the villain yet again is a stupid probe. But I'll be honest, it all works. This is a very solid film. I'm not going to ruin the ending for you ... but it involves Ronald Regan giving Kirk AIDS.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Star Trek III: The Search For Spock

I thought Wrath 0f Khan was good, but this movie totally trumps it. Awesome. Khan seemed to be more of an action film, but Search for Spock was more of a drama ... and a well done one at that. Shatners acting is probably the best of his career. This movie has many key moments. The rebirth of Spock, the cloaked Bird of Prey, the failure of Genises, the death of David, the battle to the death between Kirk and Christopher Lloyd, the return of Sarek (played by the barely aged Mark Lenard), Spocks spirit inside Bones and the 000destruct0 of the Enterprise. From the second it starts to the dramatic ending of Spocks fal tor pan, this movie is great. Also, John Larrouquette's best performance ... other than Dan Feilding.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

Jesus I totally forgot how fucking awesome this movie is. I remember reading that Khan was named one of the top villains in movie history … and yeah I would have to agree. Ricardo was awesome. This is the problem with Star Trek 1 … the viewer has to connect with the villain in some way, but in the Motion Picture the villain is a mutherfuckin probe.

Everything is a vast improvement over the 1st movie. The effects are decent and the script is just light years better. Kirk is back to his old self, and has some great lines. The battle between Khan in the Reliant and Kirk in the Enterprise is just so cool. 

I like the characters of Dr. Marcus and Kirk’s son David … as well as the whole plot line with the Genesis Device. As for the Kirstie Alley character … it adds nothing. Although I am reminded that she did look hot at some point, be it thirty years ago. Yet again Nimoy/Spock steals the show. The ending to Wrath of Khan may be one of the best endings in movie history, at least in the sci-fi genre. I actually went back and watched it twice.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Star Trek: The Motion Picture

Star Trek: The Motion Picture was made in 1979 but for some reason it looks worse than the show from 1969. Everything about it is rushed and lazy. The script itself is just the Pilot episode to the original Phase II series. The final production was rushed and has always been considered "unfinished" by those that had worked on it. It's missing all of the great Kirk sarcasm, he's just so serious in this film. McCoy and Spock are great in this movie though. In fact, it's Spock that really carries it.

Damn everybody looks so friggin old. They all aged so terribly, especially Doohan and Nimoy. The special effects just suck, plain and simple. The sound effects also suck. The bridge is dingy looking and the uniforms look lame. At least the new theme song is awesome. The movie moves at a snails pace and it seemingly goes nowhere at times. Probably because they tried to stretch out a 50 minute episode into a 2+ hour movie.

So what do I like about the movie? Well, the plot is interesting. V'gr is a deadly cloud type thing that threatens to destroy Earth. Kirk gets the band back together and takes the Enterprise to stop this thing. The greatest scene is when Spock goes space walking and does a mind-meld with V'gr. Come to find out this thing is actually Voyager 6. Good twist. The ending is sort of predictable and the addition of Ilia is rather pointless (although she's oddly sexy). It was good to see Kirk as Admiral and the rest of the crew in their new careers.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Star Trek Phase II: Episode 4 - 7

What did I just watch? Umm, hmmm. So, the Enterprise is in the process of saving a research ship while simultaneously warding off the Klingon’s. That’s the main plot. The side plot involves tension between Kirk and his nephew Ensign Peter Kirk. Who is gay. OK, no big deal. Except for the fact that this episode is 20% gay softcore porn. Look, normally I wouldn’t really care but this was just too fucking odd. Oh and this episode also guest stars the guy that hosts the game show The Amazing Race???

So basically this script had originally been written for TNG, but was eventually scrapped because it was too risqué. This episode features a solid guest performance from Denise Crosby (Tasha Yar) but it’s really just so depressing at how horribly shes aged. Blood and Fire was just too much for me. I’m guessing the title Blood and Fire is a reference to anal.


This one is alright. The Enterprise ends up in the middle of a war between planets. The ring leader is a 70 year old woman that is supposed to be sexy … I guess. Although, Barbara Luna again has a solid performance.


Originally a script for the real Phase II, then it was worked into a TNG episode. So…remember the TNG Episode THE CHILD? This one is pretty much the same thing. To be honest, I zoned out.

Center Seat: 6 minutes, 2006. – I enjoyed these little episodes. This one is basically just a conversation between Sulu and DeSalle. It’s a day after Sulu had received emergency Captain training.
No Win Scenario: 9 minutes, 2011 – This thing looked great. Kirk and Spock spy on a Klingon counsel as they plan an attack.

To be honest, I would have been glad to just watch the Takei and Koenig episodes. They are very good. As for the rest of them … fuck em. The acting mostly sucks, but the visuals and scripts are spectacular. It’s just so tough to get over the bad acting. All in all, this series did surpass my expectations … but am I glad that I watched it? Not really.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Star Trek Phase II: Pilot - Episode 3

Normally I would not touch these fan made series. Phase II however is much different. For one it is Paramount approved and also Gene Roddenberry Jr. is a consulting producer. The main draw for me to this series is the many great guest stars, including George Takei and Walter Koenig. This is the first time I have ever watched any of these ... so here goes nothing.

Well, hmmm. Not sure what to make of it. Technically this isn't considered an "official" episode anyway. The plot is basically The Enterprise encounter some alien girl. Nothing special really. I'll be honest too, the acting is fucking terrible. BUT. The visuals are fucking amazing. Great guest stars too, Eddie Paskey that played Lt. Leslie in a billion episodes and the dude that played the transporter guy Kyle.

Wow.  A huuuge improvement from the Pilot. This plot is pretty damn awesome. During the whole Doomsday Machine fiasco with Matthew Decker, the time line had been altered. Kirk now commands the Farragut. This episode involves going back in time to the 2000's and also an excellent scene with the Guardian of Forever. Guest stars are the guy that played Matthew Decker and Barbara Luna from the episode Mirror, Mirror (still looks pretty good). Worth a watch if your bored.

OK, everybody. This is honestly a must watch. No shit. With every episode the acting is improving vastly, in fact everybody is very good (with the guy that plays Sulu being exceptional) .... sadly the only one that still sucks is James Cawley that plays Kirk. So anyway, something weird happens to Checkov during a battle with the Klingons. He begins to age very rapidly. Enter one hell of a performance from Walter Koenig. The episode also guest stars the hot hippie girl from the Way to Eden (still looks decent).

HOLY SHIT. Remember when I said that episode 2 was a must watch ... well it still is. But, if you are to ever watch only one episode of Phase II, well this is the one!  The kid that plays Sulu is excellent and this actress Christina Moses that plays Alana is phenomenal. The biggest reason to watch this though, is the unbelievable performance of George Takei. Simply amazing. He also has some really impressive fight scenes and is in great shape for a 70 year old man. The story was written by DC Fontana and it's very creative.  Oh and we also get to see how bad Yeoman Rand has aged. Watch this shit NOW.

So I planned on watching one episode and ended up watching 4. So I guess the series must be pretty decent.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Star Trek TAS EPISODES 20-23

Ep. 20 Albatross

Bones gets arrested by an alien race for mass murder. He's accused of spreading a deadly disease on the planet 19 years ago. Like Regan spread AIDS in the 80's. Soon the plague spreads to everyone on the Enterprise ... uhh except Spock as always. They bust McCoy out of jail and he discovers a cure. The alien Demos was voiced by the guy that was Orcko on He-Man ... unfortunetly on this one he makes no attempt to put on a character voice. A weird looking alien with a crappy American accent just ruins the illusion.

Ep. 21 How Sharper Than A Serpent's Tooth

What is the odds that on the only episode in which Ensign Running Bear appears, they happen to meet a Native American God? Well on Star Trek those odds are pretty fucking high. This episode is rather racist, but the idea is good I guess. The Enterprise encounter the Aztec serpent God Kukulkan. Remember when MaCauley Kukulkan was in that movie Home Alone? The name of the episode is a line from King Lear. If you want to see an awesome performance of Lear, you should find the one with Ian McKellen. He spits all over the place the entire time.

Ep. 22 The Counter-Clock Incident

The final episode of TAS. The Enterprise is en-route to Babel with the great Robert April and his wife. They suddenly encounter a ship going faster than ever seen before, it's headed for a sun so Kirk stops it in the tractor beam. It's piloted by a woman that speaks backwards. Suddenly the ship is pulled into her time-plane. In this time everything goes backwards ... including time itself. Thus the crew begins to grow younger. Soon they are incapable of running the ship. So April (who is an old man to start with) grows younger but stays an adult longer. He takes command of the ship and gets them back to safety. The plot is completely ludicrous but it's OK because having an appearance of April is pretty darn cool.

What to say about The Animated Series. Well, it was far better than I expected. That's not to say that it didn't suck, because mostly it did. But, it had it's moments. In fact some episodes were very very good. I'd say that a good 1/3 of the eps are watchable. Overall I give the series a C, which I think is pretty fair.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Star Trek TAS EPISODES 17-19

Ep. 17 The Pirates of Orion

Spock is dying from a disease and the freighter carrying his medicine has been hijacked by Orion pirates. The Enterprise overtakes the Orion ship, but rather than lose they would rather destroy themselves and the Enterprise. Not that bad of an episode, but didn't Spock already almost die from a disease? Anyway. This is the first appearance of an Orion male and boy they look dumb.

Ep. 18 Bem

All in all, not bad. Bem is an annoying diplomat that has been on the Enterprise as an observer. He sounds like Yoda and has the weirs ability to remove his body parts .... sort of. They beam on down to a planet full of "aborigines" (Kirk's words not mine). Ben gets a little crazy and everyone ends up captured. Interesting side note: This episode is actually the first mention of Kirk's middle name Tiberius.

Ep. 19 The Practical Joker

What happens when the Romulans attack the Enterprise and the ship computer suddenly turns into a practical joker. This episode. This incredibly irritating episode. Although, some of the ships jokes are pretty classic. Putting "Kirk is a Jerk" on the back of his coat and the ever popular blackend eye circles from using binoculars. The computer eventually tricks the Romulan's by making a giant balloon Enterprise. Sound completely stupid ... well it is.

Sunday, April 08, 2012

Star Trek TAS EPISODES 13-16

Ep. 13 The Ambergris Element
What a stupid ass episode this is. Spock and Kirk go down to a water planet in a shuttlecraft/submarine. They get transformed into water breathers … as Bones puts it; their entire internal structure has been transformed into an aquatic creature. Like how the fuck would that ever happen?

How threatening could a depressed
cat in a pastel suit really be?
Ep. 14 The Slaver Weapon
This is actually a very good episode, well written and has a very in-depth plot. The script was written by Larry Niven (the Ringworld guy). The Enterprise is trying to deliver some rare artifacts to a Starbase. The artifacts are boxes that could contain anything from treasures to weapons. There is a Federation nemesis named the Kzinti and they are seeking out these objects in hopes that they may contain a super weapon. The only problem with this episode is that the animation is so shitty and this supposed tough Kzinti race, well they drive a pink spaceship.

Ep. 15 The Eye of the Beholder
And then there’s this one. Kirk gets captured by intelligent giant slugs and gets put into a zoo. Need I really say anymore.

Ep. 16 The Jihad
This episode could have made a great Star Trek movie. Kirk and Spock are sent on a secret mission to secure a religious artifact that is hidden on a violent planet. In the wrong hands this artifact will ignite a Holy War that could destroy the galaxy. The dialogue is good, the animation is typically subpar but not distracting and the plot is intriguing. Also, Kirk’s “love interest” is an alien girl with the worst New York accent. Who knew?

Saturday, April 07, 2012

Star Trek TAS EPISODES 10-12

Ep. 10 Mudd’s Passion

The return of the great Harry Mudd. Even as a cartoon, he’s still awesome. This is a very funny episode. Mudd teaches aliens to play baseball, invents actual working love crystals and turns Spock into a love obsessed cornball. Whatever that means.

Ep. 11 The Terratin Incident
And then there was this one. Just terrible. A strange force causes the Enterprise crew to shrink down to 1/26 of an inch. The animation is god awful … it may be worth a watch just to laugh at how bad it is.

Ep. 12 The Time Trap
“While exploring the Delta Triangle, where many starships have disappeared, the USS Enterprise is attacked by several Klingon vessels. During the battle they are caught in an ion storm. The Enterprise and one Klingon battlecruiser are drawn into a spacetime vortex and end up in a timeless dimension.” A pretty good one here. After getting pulled into this vortex the Enterprise and Klingons discover a civilization made up of others that have been stuck here. They are of many races; Andorian, Vulcan, Orion, those plant humans from a few eps back etc. Kirk and the Klingon Kor work together to get themselves free of the vortex.

Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Star Trek TAS EPISODES 7-9

Ep. 7 The Infinite Vulcan

One of the only episodes that I had watched previously. I remember thinking how dumb it was ... and it still is. Spock ends up being cloned by a cast off from the Eugenics War. The idea seems decent enough, but why does Spock have to be 50 feet tall? Why does the planet have half human/half plants that really add nothing to the plot? This episode was written by Walter Koenig, good for him because Checkov doesn't appear on TAS. His spot is taken by the stupidest looking alien with the most obnoxious voice named Mr. Arix. I hate him.

Ep. 8 The Magicks of Megas-tu

A fucking home run. This would have been an awesome live action episode. How many times has Kirk and crew encountered Gods? Many times, right? Well, how about just once they actually meet Satan? Oh yeah. Lucifer explains how he was once on Earth and that he know resides with a race called the Megans in a place full of magic and witchcraft. Satan is actually pretty good guy, very likable. He takes Kirk and crew to this planet and they soon develop magic powers. The Megans see this as an abomination and they transport Lucifer, Kirk and crew to Salem during the witch trials. Here's were it gets pretty awesome. Lucifer is actually the one on trial and Kirk defends him. Kirk offers to give up his own life to save the devil. The Megans are impressed and let everyone go. Spock ends the episode with a great line, "This is the second time Lucifer was cast out and, thanks to you, the first time he was saved". Weird, maybe a bit stupid, but it went to a place in which Star Trek (and certainly a child's Saturday morning cartoon) had never gone.

Ep. 9 Once Upon A Planet

Skip it. The Enterprise returns to the ever popular Shore Leave planet .... and again nearly get killed. This is seriously the worst place ever. The Keeper has since died and left the planet in control of a computer. The computer comes to resent his job and plans on just killing everyone. The thing kidnaps Uhura for seemingly no reason. They get a half cat-half woman to take her place as communications officer. Which just proves that another animal could easily to Uhura's job.

 Kirk has a nice discussion with the machine and convinces it to be a good bucket of bolts. I did find out that everything you encounter on this planet is robotic. On TOS I wasn't sure if it was holograms or what. So ... wouldn't the main reason to go to this planet be to get laid by whomever you dream of? You can't really screw a robot.