Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 145 - Starship Mine

Many things wrong here. First of all, the ship is completely evacuated for maintenance ... this is just an asinine plot.

Next the maintenance crew ends up being a bunch of mercenaries trying to take over the ship, well done Starfleet.

Then Picard must run all over the ship like Our Man Flint and stop the terrorist plot before it is too late.

One of the mercenaries is played by Tim Russ! He is supposed to be Tuvok, it ruins the illusion!

But here is the best part. While off of the ship Picard decides to go horseback riding. He says "oh wait let me go back to the ship to get my saddle". Then he proceeds to retrieve a gigantic ornate saddle from his quarters...one that would make Roy Rogers literally dung in his dungarees.
I mean, I'm guessing that the amount of stuff one can bring along on a space mission is limited ... did you really have to take the fucking saddle?

This episode was actually pretty good.

144 down 35 to go

Monday, December 23, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 144 - Birthright Pt. 2

So Worf finds a whole bunch of Klingon prisoners, but he finds out that his father did in deed die in battle. The Romulans give Worf the choice of being executed or live as a captive. He chooses death. But before he is executed all of the other Klingons stand with him in unity and request to be killed as well. The Romulans finally decide to let everyone go free.

What??? Non of this makes sense. The Romulans would just kill them all, since when do they give a crap? This entire plot was just pointless.

143 down 36 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 143 - Birthright Pt. 1

The Enterprise docks at Deep Space 9 and Data works on a project with Julian Bashir. Pretty cool right? Well it is. Data accidently gets hit with some energy beam and has a dream-like vision of his father. He then starts creating various painting regarding this vision. This plot was fascinating. I love how Data seems to become more human throughout the years.

Sadly this episode is ruined by yet another shitty Worf plot. Don't get me wrong, I like Worf ... as a secondary character ... but NEVER as the main man. In this one he hears a rumor that his father survived Khitomer and is a captor of the Romulans. So Worf travels to a Romulan prison planet and of course gets captured ....

142 down 37 to go

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 142 - Tapestry

This episode is basically "A Christmas Carol" or "Time Machine" or both or neither...I really don't know.  Picard "dies", Q takes him back in time where Picard wants to make amends with his youth. He realizes that he was a giant a-hole, so this time around he tries being a nice guy. Interestingly enough, this ends up ruining his future and he never becomes Captain of the Enterprise. So the message here is....always be a prick.

Ridiculous plot ... great episode.

141 down 38 to go

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 141 - Face of the Enemy

This episode was entertaining, but it was also complete asinine. Troi wakes to discover that she has been surgically turned into a Romulan. She has also been secretly recruited into an undercover Romulan mission per Spock.

A. Why would Starfleet agree to send a therapist on an extremely dangerous secret mission.
B. Was this insanely complicated plan really necessary?
C. Why did the episode mention Spock numerous times, yet never show him. It's fucking annoying.

Scott MacDonald is in this episode, he also stars in one of the greatest horror films ever ... Jack Frost. Check out this classic clip http://youtu.be/sg8Rm0ajj_0

140 down 39 to go

Wednesday, December 04, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 140 - Aquiel

Geordi falls in love with a woman...who is charged with murder. Again, I really really wanted this to work out for Geordi. He does eventually prove her innocence and it seems like he sleeps with her, but in the end she leaves him....even though she is offered the opportunity to stay! So after all of that LaForge still ends up losing out, once again.

139 down 40 to go

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 139 - Ship in a Bottle

This marks the return of the rogue holodeck character Professor Moriarty, played wonderfully by Mr. Sheffield's butler. Also in this episode is the sexy cougar Stephanie Beacham.

If we remember from the last Sherlock themed episode, Moriarty is built so well that he is nearly human. In fact, Picard promises to figure out a way to get him out of the holodeck and into reality..although he was bullshitting. Now Moriarty ain't fuckin around, he wants out. He hijaks the ship by sort of turning it into a giant holodeck.

The Professor really isn't a bad guy actually, he has a love interest and is generally a decent person. Odd, considering he is supposed to be rather maniacal as a Holmes villain. Anyway, there is a happy ending ... and then after Picard gets out of the Asian massage parlor he figures out a way to give Moriarty what he wants. He puts him and his girl into a cube sized holodeck where they can live happily ever after. Or whatever.

138 down 41 to go

Friday, November 22, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 138 - Chain of Command 2

While part one of "Chain of Command" was a drag, part two was pretty damn great ... for two reasons: Captain Jelico and Picard being tortured. Jelico (played brilliantly by Ronny Cox) was the biggest asshole, mentally unstable, self serving Captain to ever exist in Starfleet ... and he is awesome. I want a spin-off. He is basically Kirk mixed with Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest. Jelico is very cocky, a cocksmith and will not fall for a cock-n-bull story....that's all I got.

Now to Picard being tortured. He is put through all awesome kinds of physical, emotional and sensory tortures. I mean, it was so brutal that it would make Marquis DeSade cream his pantaloons. There is this one scene in which they try to control Picard's mind by showing him 4 green lights and torture him into saying that there are five green lights....just amazing stuff.

137 down 42 to go

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 137 - Chain of Command I

Chain of Command is a two-parter, that really should have been one episode. Not that I didn't enjoy it, because I very much did ... I'm just saying. Part one was very blah and it could have been summed up very quickly and incorporated into part two. Basically, Picard gets sent on a secret mission to destroy a Cardassian biological weapon. He brings along Worf and .... Crusher?? Personally, I would bring Data on EVERY away mission and bring Crusher on ZERO. Anyway, since Picard is gone they bring in another Captain to take over. Why not Riker you ask? I have no fucking idea.

136 down 43 to go

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 136 - Quality of Life

This episode is about these little machines called Exocomps, they are sort of little mechanical repairmen. The question is weather they are sentient or machine. Not a bad episode, decent idea....but it is highly forgettable. If only Data had a handlebar mustache in this one.

135 down 44 to go

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 135 - A Fistful of Datas

... so here is the Western episode where every character is Data! Who knew it was right after Rascals. What a terrible one two punch. Although I must say, I almost enjoyed this one. I typically like anything Old West, so this was at least tolerable ... and Data always cracks me up. Especially at the end when he is dressed like an old west "dancer"....prostitute.  For the most part an episode in which Worf and Alexander are cowboys is just plain dumb. Oh yes and this episode also begins the "beard growing" story arc. Ha Ha what the hell is going on in season six!?!

134 down 45 to go

Monday, November 04, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 134 - Rascals

What a piece of shit. Do to some kind of fuck up with the transporter Picard, Guinan, Ro and Keiko turn into 12 year olds. ....seriously? How would this even happen??

The oddest scene is when a 12 year old Keiko questions Miles about the state of their marriage. He is kind of like, listen ... it's probably over. She seems a little annoyed by this. What the fuck is he supposed to say?!?!

Anyway, this is the worst group of child actors that I have ever seen!! They suck.

133 down 46 to go

Friday, November 01, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 133 - True Q

"a young woman coming aboard evidences non-human abilities and is investigated by Q, who claims she is also a Q."

You nearly forget the Q is supposed to be the Villain. The problem is that "Q" is so quirky that he seems more like the comic relief. This episode sort of puts how brutal the Q Continuum is. Amanda, who is played by the cute as all hell Olivia d'Abo, is a Q/human  ... "Q" has been sent by the Continuum to kill her for being a hybrid.

132 down 47 to go

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 132 - Schisms

What an interesting concept. Members of the Enterprise are being abducted by and tested on by aliens. I am surprised this has never come up before, at least in the traditional "alien abduction scenario" sense. It seems plausible that aliens would abduct humans off of space ships ... I mean they already abduct housewives from Midwestern farmhouses.

My favorite scene is when Data is reciting an original poem about his cat Spot and Riker keeps nodding off. It was very funny. Although I originally thought he was saying Spock. I was like "what an odd poem about Spock".


131 down 48 to go

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 131 - Relics

"The Enterprise investigates a vessel that crashed on the surface of a Dyson sphere 75 years ago."

The Dyson Sphere is actually a real theory. It is basically the idea that a giant sphere could be built around a star and all of it's planets, in order to better harness it's energy. Evidently it can also pivot on a ball and never loses suction ... a little vacuum cleaner humor for you. This is the stupidest and most impractical thing that I have ever heard, in fact even Freeman Dyson himself said it's stupid.

Of course, what makes this episode great is the appearance of Scotty. James Doohan seemed to have some trouble with his delivery, but nonetheless I love these throwback episodes. I always felt bad for Scotty too, he didn't seem to fit in with the original crew. Then in the movies, while everyone else just looked like slightly older versions of their show counterparts ... Scotty comes out looking like Mr. Belvedere.

I felt bad for James Doohan too, he put up with a lot of tough shit in his life, crappy childhood, typecast, divorces, sickness, raped in prison. I have read his autobiography and he was an interesting guy. For instance, he took part in the invasion of Normandy where he was shot six times ... beat that LaForge!

130 down 49 to go

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 130 - Man of the People

"A psychic ambassador uses Deanna's mind to influence the outcome of his mission."

This ambassador essentially transfers his negativity into Deanna in order to have a clear mind for his negotiations. Deanna starts to become agitated and rapidly age. It's an interesting idea but it was a great episode.

When I saw George Wallace was in this episode I was expecting the great black comedian, or even the great racist Alabama governor ... but no, it was some dude that I never seen before.

129 down 50 to go

Monday, October 14, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 129 - Realm of Fear

"Barclay must overcome his fear of the transporter to solve a mystery."

How the hell did Barclay make it through Starfleet Academy. He is such a pussy.

After watching Hell on Wheels I just can't look at Miles O'Brien the same way ever again.

128 down 51 to go

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 128 - Time's Arrow pt.2

Now for the conclusion to Time's Arrow.

I actually didn't like part two nearly as much part one. It was ok. The crew conveniently finds a portal that takes them back and forth to exactly 1893 (convenient), Picard gets trapped in the past, Mark Twain saves the day and Picard saves Earth by simply disabling the alien time portal.

Also, by the end of this episode I ended up hating Mark Twain. I would burn his books if I actually owned any of them.

127 down 52 to go

Wednesday, October 02, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 127 - Time's Arrow pt.1

"A 500 year old artifact is uncovered on Earth, Data's severed penis. The Enterprise investigates alien involvement in Earth's past and Data fulfills his destiny."

Only Star Trek can follow up a Hugo Award winning episode with this gem. I love this episode/episodes. Data goes back to the 19th c and meets Jack London and Guinan hangs out with Mark Twain. It's not nearly as dumb as it sounds, in fact ... it's pretty awesome.

In preparation for this episode I read Call of the Wild by Jack London, just because I realized that I never read shit by this guy.  ...... it was good.

This is my favorite quote from the book:

"Like a true natures child, we're the Call, Call of the Wild, we can fly so high, never want to die. Call .. of the .. Wi,iiild"

So ends season 5, it was probably the best season of TNG thus far.

126 down 53 to go

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 126- The Inner Light

"A space probe creates a telepathic tether and causes Picard to experience, in twenty-five minutes, a lifetime as a married man on a world that was destroyed a millennium ago. "

I'm sure this episode was fine, I just wasn't feeling it. The acting was great and the idea is interesting ... it was just not that entertaining. It did win the Hugo Award, the last Trek episode to do this was City on The Edge of Forever. .....City on the Edge, this episode is not.

125 down 54 to go

Friday, September 20, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 125 - The Next Phase

While trying to create a modified cloaking device, the Romulans accidently turn Ro and LaForge invisible. The first half of this episode suuuuucks. Its just Ro saying goodbye to everybody, but then it picks up a bit and becomes pretty darn decent. Everybody on the ship thinks that the two are dead, but they rematerialize during their funeral...New Orleans style ... which only means one thing .... Riker playing a trombone.

Why would he know how to play a fucking trombone? Nobody plays the damn thing now, nevermind in a few hundred years.

124 down 55 to go

Friday, September 13, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 124 - I, Borg

Try watching this episode and NOT want to kill Beverley Crusher. That being said, this was an awesome episode. After discovering an injured Borg, Crusher convinces Picard to allow her to treat him. Picard comes up with a plan to "infect" this Borg and send him back to destroy the hive.

The Borg suddenly starts to develop individuality, he even ends up with a name ... Hugh. So there is a big debate on weather it is wrong for Picard to sacrifice Hugh. Honestly though, Picard was correct in this one ... this was their best shot at defeating the Borg.

Anyway, the dude that plays Hugh is on the show The Closer and he is really good.

123 down 56 to go

Friday, September 06, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 123 - Imaginary Friend

As the title suggests, this episode is about an imaginary friend. The ship is exploring a rare nebula when a little girl on the ship suddenly "creates" an imaginary friend. This friend ends up being real and can't stand adults ... a la Drop Dead Fred. That's basically it. The little girl in the episode was August from 3rd Rock From The Sun, Tommy's girlfriend. I always thought she was soooo friggin hot .... in 3rd Rock not so much in TNG.

122 down 57 to go

Friday, August 30, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 122 - The Perfect Mate

"Picard forces himself to resist the charms of a female empathic metamorph who is sent to marry an alien leader as a peace offering." This episode was confusing ... or boring. I don't know. But it does have Famke Janssen in it, who is actually hotter now than she was in the early 90s. Check her out on Hemlock Grove. Anyway, Picard has to resist banging her ... which is so highly unlikely that this episode seems to unrealistic. Maybe Picard can't get a boner. Plus, she would not be the perfect mate because she is too high maintenance. The perfect mate would be a cute blind mute.

121 down 58 to go

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 121 - Cost of Living

What a piece of shit this one is. A Lwaxana and Alexander based episode, what a fucking nightmare. The episode is based around Worf's troubles raising his son and Ms. Troi getting married. .... It is interesting that Lwaxana meets her husband over a matchmaking system on the computer, rather foreshadowing for 1992. I was expecting that creepy old bag of bones from the Matchmaker.com commercials to come popping out of a turbolift. Anyway, the episode ends with Worf, Alexander and Lwaxana taking a mudbath???? ..... you can only see Worfs eyes and teeth

120 down 59 to go

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 120 - The First Duty

hehe The First Duty.

"Wesley is questioned over a Starfleet Academy flight training accident."

When one of his crew members is killed during training Wesley must choose between the truth and protecting his ass. Typically Wesley sucks, but this is episode was actually very good. I liked how Wesley didn't pussy out and tell the truth ...  nor did he lie. He just omitted certain info.

119 down 60 to go

Monday, August 19, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 119 - Cause and Effect

"The Enterprise is severely damaged. The ship explodes, killing the entire crew."

If only that was it and the series was over. But alas, this episode is a rip off of Groundhog's Day with Bill Murray ... except this one has Kelsey Grammar in it. Honestly though, I really really enjoyed this one. It was fun and clever. I must say that I am getting tired of the crew constantly playing poker, in the future I guarantee Poker will not exist. It will be like people playing Jacks now, it just doesn't happen.

118 down 61 to go

Monday, July 29, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 118 - The Outcast

"Riker falls in love with an androgynous person after rescuing some others trapped in "null space."

This was a great episode, it had solid acting by Frakes and Melinda Culea as well as a very interesting plot. Riker falls in love with a man/women ... or neither?? I actually have no idea what an androgynous person is. Although this episode was a sort of brave, attempt at bringing attention to LGBT issues and all, it does strike out in many ways. For one, I'm pretty sure Melinda Culea was a model at one time, so trying to play her off as a sexless Soren is just dumb ... obviously a female. The did try to make her look like Marcy Darcy but I for one have always been attracted to Marcy so yet again, fail. AND we find out that even though her race is androgynous, she is in fact female. So basically Riker falls in love with a female and this female falls for a man. Hardly groundbreaking stuff right there. The climax of the episode (rapidly raising and lowering eyebrows) is in the end (rapidly raising and lowering eyebrows) when this race finds out that Soren considers herself a woman, they send her to get some sort of lobotomy or something. An excellent scene is when Soren is in front of court and gives a speech about human rights ... and her right to be straight?? I guess. Anyway Riker risks his career to save her but it's too late, she has been "fixed". If I remember correctly, at this point Riker smothers her with a pillow and then tosses a gigantic sink through a window.

117 down 62 to go

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 117 - Ethics

What a weird ass episode. Worf gets paralyzed, asks Riker to assist in his suicide, then has a heart attack, then is brain dead ... and then pretty much back to normal by the end of the day. WTF? It wasn't a terrible episode, just sort of weird. The episode ends with Worf learning how to walk, ... I bet that by episode 118 he's doing the fucking electric slide.

116 down 63 to go

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 116 - Power Play

"Troi, O'Brien, and Data are possessed by entities who want control of the ship."

All this starts out with a good old fashion malfunction of those piece of shit shuttlecrafts. These things suck. Troi, O'Brien and Data crash on a planet and end up in a remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. This episode sucks.

115 down 64 to go

Monday, July 08, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 115 - Conundrum

The premise of this one is that an alien plans to take over the Enterprise by erasing everyone's memory on board. It seems like it would work, except for one thing ... the alien SUCKS at erasing memories. The crew seems to remember who they are and how to run the ship ... the only thing that they forget is what rank they are.

So the crew needs to figure this mild annoyance out and get on their merry way. All of the major  crew members are there; Picard, Worf, Troi, Riker, Data (who thinks he is a waiter??), Ro, Crusher, LaForge and um ... MacDuff??  Well, guess who the fucking alien was the entire time.

114 down 65 to go

Wednesday, July 03, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 114 - The Masterpiece Society

"The Enterprise helps a far-flung eugenic human colony avoid destruction but upsets its delicate balance by ending 200 years of isolation"

This colony is comprised of "perfect" people, they have zero flaws. In fact, if someone is born with a flaw they eliminate them. The Enterprise discovers that this planet is in danger from a projectile and Picard persuades them to begin evacuation. Soon everyone starts to see how sheltered they really are. Key issue being Geordi's VISOR. They are enthralled by it's capabilities and soon they realize that in their society something like this would have never been created. blah blah blah whatever. So basically nearly everybody decides to leave this "perfect" colony because they see how much it sucks.

And, of course, Troi has a romantic encounter with some guy. So as Donald pointed out, they have no idea what to do with the Deanna Troi character.

This episodes was good. I like how by "saving" the colony from destruction, Picard actually ends up "destroying" the colony just by issuing contact.

113 down 66 to go

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 113 - Violations

Strange episode, but I enjoyed it. Sort of. Not really. Maybe a little bit. I'm just miserable. The premise is that, this alien race can recall people's lost memories. So this one guy takes advantage of that and starts manipulating the memories of the Enterprise crew. Once he does this, the "host" goes into a coma. Long story short, he rapes Deanna Troi.

112 down 67 to go

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 112 - Hero Worship

"Data saves the life of an orphaned boy who begins to emulate him."

Don't we all want to be Data? Wouldn't a race of Data's be the perfect society? I think so. No emotions, brilliant, rational....yet for some reason fully functional. While it's always fun to delve into the life of Data, I found this episode a bit boring. This kid was a giant pussy.

111 down 68 to go

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 111 - New Ground

"Worf tries to be a father to his son, Alexander, while the Enterprise helps to test a new propulsion technology. "

Here's the thing. I hate Alexander. Worst character ever. This episode sucks. Brian Bonsall was a cute kid as Andy from Family Ties but his looks really hit the wall. Worf is a such a big Klingon phony, he acts like he is so into being a Klingon ... you were raised by humans dude, give it a fucking rest.

110 down 69 to go

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 110 - A Matter of Time

"An apparent historian from the 26th century visits the Enterprise while they help a planet prevent a nuclear winter"

So here's the thing. This guy is not actually a historian from the future but a thief from the past who happened to steal the time machine from a historian from the future so now he has used the future historians time machine to go from the past to the future in order to steal artifacts from the Enterprise and bring them back to the past so he can reverse engineer them and become rich in the future. Sound kind of stupid? It is. At least it had Max Headroom in it.

109 down 70 to go

Sunday, June 09, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 109 - Unification II

Spock is on a mission of "cowboy diplomacy" to reunify Vulcan and Romulus. There are a good amount of Romulans that are working towards this goal as well, but there are others that are bent on destroying Vulcan ... Denise Crosby I'm looking at you. Spock, Data and Picard try to thwart these plans.

Meanwhile Riker and crew are tracking down the disappearance of old Vulcan ships. They discover that Ferengi's have sold them to Romulans. So basically the plot is all coming together. In conclusion, just watch this shit. It's good. Nimoy is awesome. Also, It has the greatest ending scene in all of TNG. Spock mind melds with Picard to catch a glimpse of Sarek revealing his love for Spock. Fan-fucking-tastic

108 down 71 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 108 - Unification I

I wish I wasn't such an idiot. Unification deserves to be reviewed correctly and I just can't do it. These episodes are just that good. They could have made a movie out of this two-parter, no question about it. Great plot, great acting, great effects.

Ambassador Spock is missing. Picard goes to see Sarek (who is in the process of dying). Sarek suggests that Spock is on Romulus. Just before Sarek dies, he tells Picard that he loves his son. So, Piacrd and Data head to Romulus disguised as Romulans. They are onboard a cloaked Klingon ship in order to sneak through the neutral zone. Would any of this actually work? I doubt it. But who cares.

Of course once on Romulus Picard and Data are easily detected. Why? Well because one of them is a fucking robot and the other has a British accent. They are taken to a cave where they discover .... Spock.

So in the beginning credits it said that Stephen Root was in this episode. So I paid close attention to see if I could find him. And I couldn't. I figured he would play the same crazy Texan that he always plays, Jimmy James, Bill from King of the Hill etc. I had to look it up when the episode ended, and come to find out that he played the Klingon Commander! .... and a damn good one too. This had to be his greatest role ever. Bravo Stephen Root.

107 down 72 to go

Saturday, June 08, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 107 - The Game

I guess you would consider this a "cute" episode. Wesley returns from the Academy only to find everybody getting high from a video game. Only him and his love interest Robin are unaffected, they must find a way to make everything back to normal. This Robin girl is sooooo friggin cute. I could not stop staring at her like a total creep. No wonder, it's a young Ashley Judd. This episode was stupid, but I liked it.

106 down 74 to go

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 106 - Disaster

This was a great episode. Well constructed and well acted. Basically, The Enterprise loses power and everyone is trapped in different locations, completely cut off from each other. The genius behind this episode is that everyone is paired off in very unlikely combinations. Picard is trapped in a turbo-lift with three young children and as always Jean-Luc is completely out of his element around kids. Troi, Miles O'Brien and Ro end up on the bridge, with Troi being in command. Riker and Data are in the Jefferies Tube. Crusher and LaForge are in the cargo bay and meanwhile in Ten Forward Worf is delivering Keiko's baby ... which is hilarious.

105 down 74 to go

Wednesday, May 08, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 105 - Silicon Avatar

"The crew, with the help of a scientist whose son lived on Data's home world, attempt to communicate with the Crystalline Entity. "

I'm not a big fan of the Crystalline Entity. I can't really get into a villain that is ... well a Crystal. Except maybe the villain to all country music Crystal Gayle. Anyway, the Enterprise is close to communicating with the Entity when this scientist lady (distraught over the death of her son at the hands of this entity) destroys the being. She basically presses two buttons on the console and takes total control of the ship. I hate when that happens ... why is it always so easy! "Oh no we have no way to stop her, she locked the computers" Come on now.

104 down 75 to go

Tuesday, May 07, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 104 - Ensign Ro

"After an attack on a Federation outpost, Picard is sent to locate a Bajoran terrorist, with the help of Ensign Ro Laren."

This is the first episode with Ro Laren. She is so hot ... and so bitchy ... which is so hot. This was a solid episode. It had a great dynamic between Ro and Picard, as well as an appearance by the Cardassians, whom I do like as a character.

Yet. I could not stop thinking about the first scene of the episode. It has Picard getting a hair cut from a barber. OK. First of all. Picard is bald. Secondly, a barber? Really? I mean, the invented the Flobee in like the 1980's, they can replicate food ... why do the physically need a person to cut hair? Also, Riker comments that he is considered the best barber in Starfleet ... fucking really?!?!?

One more comment. I noticed that many times other alien races give the Enterprise "One Hour" to surrender or whatever. Wouldn't one hour be different for every race. One hour to people from Earth wouldn't be the same amount of time to someone from a different planet.

ST TNG: 103 down 76 to go

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 103 - Darmuk

"Picard must learn to communicate with an alien captain who speaks in metaphors before a dangerous beast kills them both"

This was a very interesting and creative episode. The Enterprise meets up with a new race. The Universal Translator can't understand them.  For some reason the Captain of the ship takes Picard to a planet with him to fight a beast .... I guess the reason for this was for them to bond or something. Picard must understand him in order to survive. The race speaks in metaphor based on their own mythology. There is an awesome scene in which Picard tells the captain the story of Gilgamesh. Excellent acting by the great Paul Winfield and also an appearance by Ashley Judd as an ensign.

ST TNG: 102 down 77 to go

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 102 - Redemption II


So yes indeed this is the episode in which Tasha Yar's half Romulan daughter from the future comes back to annoy Picard. Also, it literally IS Tasha Yar because they use the same actress. Do I even have to say anymore. I stopped caring about the entire Klingon plot because I couldn't stop obsessing over how ludicrous and pointless this Yar plot twist was.

The only saving grace was the minor plot in which a developer tries to bulldoze a community recreation center and the local breakdancers try to stop it.

ST TNG: 101 down 78 to go

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 101 - Redemption

While it wasn't a bad episode (in fact I found it enjoyable), I would say that this was a weird one to end Season 4 on. It hardly ends with a cliff hanger. Worf leaves Starfleet to join Gowron in order to prevent a Klingon Civil War. He regains his family's honor. ,,,and also there are these two Female Klingon prostitutes that I actually found very sexy. Picard was awesome (as always) in his role as bipartisan negotiator. But, I don't know, it just didn't have that season finale feel to it.

So anyway, I saw this thing on Yahoo ... a list of the greatest TV theme songs of all time. These are my top 5. I think only one made it on that list.

5. Hawaii 5-0
4. F-Troop
3. Night Court
2. Simon and Simon
1. The Fall Guy

ST TNG: 100 down 79 to go

Monday, April 15, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 100 - In Theory

Data seeks a romantic relationship with a female crew member. This episode was Directed by Patrick Stewart and the reviews on it are generally mixed, but I really enjoyed it. I loved when Data was trying to seek romance tips from various crew members and Riker was like "Just show up to her room naked from the waist down, that's what I do".

Really though, what's wrong with this lady. She is not bad looking, why the hell would she want a relationship with a robot? Maybe just for sex, because obviously she knows Data doesn't have emotions. A great scene is when she is trying to explain that sometimes when she says not to do something, she really means to do it. That shit will even confuse an android

ST TNG: 99 down 80 to go .

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 99 - The Mind's Eye

Geordi is brainwashed by the Romulans with the aid of a Klingon traitor. His goal is to assassinate a Klingon Governor in order to prevent the Federation from interfering in a war ... or something. Anyway, this all occurs while Geordi is taking a shuttlecraft ... alone ... through space ... going to Risa for vacation... why would this happen??? He gets abducted by Romulans and brainwashed, they send signals through Geordi's visor in order to give him orders. A Geordi imposter is then sent to Risa. Because most Romulan ships have a black guy on hand for just this occasion.

The Romulans then implant fake memories of his vacation into his mind. Very "Total Recall". LaForge seems normal while back onboard the Enterprise until the brainwashing beam is sent to his visor ... then he turns into Reggie Jackson in Naked Gun. This episode has actor John Fleck in it, who according to his Wikipedia page "also appears in Howard The Duck, Waterworld and the ZZ Top music video Legs" ... what a resume.

I actually enjoyed this episode. Picture "National Lampoons Vacation meets Total Recall meets Naked Gun meets Roots meets Ray Charles meets 2001 A Space Odessey meets Dorf On Golf"

ST TNG: 98 down 81 to go

Monday, April 08, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 98 - The Host

Its happened so far in every series that I have watched, so it was inevitable...I have hit the Star Trek wall. I'm literally depressed by watching these episodes. I'm sure this episode may have been good, and I know that it's a significant episode for it's effort to bring gender identity into light ... but it just annoyed the shit out of me. I mean just look at this picture...

Fuck this asshole.

ST TNG: 97 down 82 to go

Wednesday, April 03, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 97 - Half A Life

As much as I can't stand Lwaxana Troi, this episode wasn't so bad. Sure she is annoying as hell and looks more like a horribly aging Leonard Nimoy than a gracefully aging Majel Barrett ... but the rest of the cast carries this one and I guess she didn't completely suck.

The Enterprise is helping Timicin revive a dying sun using photons. Lwaxana is on the ship and gets her Depends in a bunch over this guy. Unfortunately on his planet once you turn 60 years you have to kill yourself. So he must go home to die. Lwaxana wants him to live, but he bides by his culture and Picard will not interfere. Troi is by his side as he shits the bed.

ST TNG: 96 down 83 to go

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 96 - The Drumhead

This episode was directed by Johnathan Frakes. It was pretty good, not great. When a Klingon saboteur is discovered on the ship, it sets in motion a witch hunt. A poor engineer ends up on trial accused of sabotage by a crazed old woman Admiral (who overacts like fucking crazy may I add).

The coolest thing about this episode is the way that the Klingon saboteur transported the stolen data. He used a modified syringe, entered the data into it, the data was then held in cells which were then injected into the body. Exactly how the data gets extracted I have no idea ... but I'm guessing semen.

ST TNG: 95 down 84 to go

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 95 - Qpid

For an episode that makes no sense and is a giant Robin Hood parody, I actually liked it. It was very well done. Although I still don't understand why Q continuously wastes his timer with insignificant things such as playing dress up with Picard and crew.

Q is always fun, so I can't complain too much. But, is it necessary for the all powerful Q to use his magnificance in order to tests Picard's love for some woman. The crazy part is that at the end, after Picard saves her life, she ends up leaving with Q! Now thats a playa.

ST TNG: 94 down 85 to go

Monday, March 18, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 94 - The Nth Degree

"After an encounter with an alien probe Barclay experiences great leaps in confidence and intelligence."

Finally! Some good pop culture in TNG. The episode begins with Dr. Crusher and Lt. Barclay performing a skit from the movie Roxanne starring Steve Martin and it is .... what? .... Cyrano who? ... Cyrano de Bergerac! Oh hell.

Don't they have Playstation or XBox on this ship.

Remember that episode about that shy Lt. named Barcaly? Yeah I sort of did to. Well, he's back ... for some reason. Now he gets taken over by a super smart being and becomes, well .. super smart. At least this episode had some good guest stars, including Albert Einstein, the daughter of Gen. Bernard Trainer, some guy that was in The Last Star Fighter and the dude that did the voice of Captain Planet .... the power is yours!

ST TNG: 93 down 86 to go

Friday, March 15, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 93 - Identity Crisis

"Geordi transforms into an alien creature with strong instinct to return to its planet of origin."

The concept for this one is pretty interesting, but I'm just a bit Geordi'd out right now. Again we have to watch as he is "just friends" with another woman. Him and the lady are the only two members left from a 5-man away mission back when he served on the Victory. The other three have gone crazy or something. I don't know. What has happened is that they a have been infected by alien hosts. These hosts are changing their DNA and turning them into ... aliens.

There is a scene in which Geordi reenacts the away mission on the holodeck. He tries to figure out what happened that day. One by one he has the computer eliminate each person until there is only him and um the camera man?? left (I'll get to that). He notices there are three shadows on the wall, even though there are only two people. I must say, this actually freaked me out for some reason.

OK, now this is sort of stupid. Evidently away missions have a camera man. Like seriously, they have a guy that follows the team around and films??? I get that they would want to document everything but they haven't figured out a better way? It's depressing to know that even in the future we will still have reality tv.

Oh, and this episode has a guest spot from the then current Miss Universe, she plays an ensign.

ST TNG: 92 down 87 to go

Friday, March 01, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 92 - Night Terrors

Can take or leave it. The Enterprise discover a Betazoid ship in which everyone has killed themselves/each other. Except for one guy who is in a catatonic state. Soon everyone on the Enterprise is getting irritated with each other ... turns out this is do some kind of sleep deprivation being caused by god knows what. Not a great episode. Deanna Troi's dream sequences are so badly directed with terrible special effects. The effects in that silent film of a giant moon face, in which a rocket hits it's eyeball. Whatever. And also this episode has Brian Tochi in it.

ST TNG: 91 down 88 to go

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 91 - Galaxy's Child

Geordi is the saddest most pathetic loser ever. So yes, he's basically one of us. He has absolutely no luck with chicks. In this episode he gets to finally meet his longtime crush Dr. Leah Brahms ... only to find out that she is a huge bitch. Nonetheless Geordi still tries to get with her, so he is overly nice  and even invites her to a romantic dinner. Only to be ignored. Then he finally gets up the courage to profess his feelings to her ... only to find out that she's married. In the end, they become "just friends". Sound familiar?

ST TNG: 90 down 89 to go

Monday, February 18, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 90 - First Contact

This was a great episode. It showed how Starfleet handles their first contact with other life forms. They monitor space for worlds that are on the verge of warp technology, then they send down a recon team that watches them for several years ... when the time is right, they introduce themselves. In this case, Riker is injured and while at the hospital, they realize that he is not one of them. Why was Riker even on this mission?? They have nobody else that is capable of observing? The best scene is when an alien chick offers to help Riker escape if he has sex with her. That's one lucky ... woman. What??

ST TNG: 89 down 90 to go

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 89 - Clues

I really liked this episode. While passing by a planet the crew becomes unconscious for 30 seconds. All except Data that is. But one by one little clues keep popping up that at least 24 hours has passed, not 30 seconds. Data's explanation of the event doesn't make sense, it seems that he is actually lying.

Well, Data is indeed lying. But he has logical reason for it. The planet that they passed by earlier does not wish to be located, so they basically erase the memories of anybody that passes by. Data was aware the entire time and chose not to reveal the truth about this alien race, for security reasons. But, Picard and crew can't keep well enough alone and go back to this planet. Now this race known as the Paxons threaten to destroy the Enterprise in order to keep their location a secret. Picard offers up his crew to yet again have their minds erased.

Then he finds out that one of the Paxtons was in the movie Boxing Helena

ST TNG: 88 down 91 to go

Friday, February 08, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 88 - The Devil's Due

The Devil's Due ... more like The Devil's Poo. So the episode begins with Data dressed as Ebeneezer Scrooge from A Christmas Carol, I would have liked it better if it was Uncle Scrooge from Ducktails but whatever. I have given up on complaining about the constant pre-1930 references on Star Trek ... I get why they do it. But come on, nothing relevant was done in 60s, 70's or 80s?? Why not reference Cannonball Run? Or Disco Duck? Or the book American Psycho? Or Taco? Or Poco? Or Toto?

Anyway. This episode is a complete TOS throwback. No wonder, it's based on a Phase II script from 1977. There is a planet that is about to go through Armageddon, it seems as though at some point they had collectively sold their soul to the devil. Now SHE is back to collect. Yes, it's a woman and she's sort of hot. She has the ability to cause earthquakes and turn into any "devil" form that she wants .... including the most ridiculous looking Klingon devil of all time. Also she could have easily gone with a more fearsome looking Satan, maybe one with a more Biblical look to it. But no, she goes with the "Halloween costume purchased from CVS" Satan. Why would the devil honestly need a cape? Actually why would anyone need a cape? Is there a functional purpose to a cape, or is it just fashion? Either way, Satan doesn't need one.

For some reason the devil agrees to have a trial with Picard over this situation. Picard proves that she is just a regular person that is using technology to trick everybody. So dumb.

Hopefully I can watch some more TNG this weekend, if I don't die from shoveling 2.5 feet of snow.

ST TNG: 87 down 92 to go

Thursday, February 07, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 87 - The Loss

OK so this is actually episode 85, I forgot to write about it. The episode is about Troi losing her powers and boy did it suck. Troi is good to look at, but I hate episodes based on her. This episode should have been called "The Fall of Troi". There should also be an episode called ... "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Worf". Also, "Pic-a-card any Card", "Data's of the Lost Arc", "Rikers on Bikers" ... ??

ST TNG: 86 down 93 to go

Friday, February 01, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 86 - The Wounded

The Wounded is about a rogue Starfleet captain named Maxwell that is bent on getting even with the Cardassians for killing his family. This is the first appearance of The Cardassians in the series (although I didn't see Bruce Jenner anywhere) and also the first to really have Miles O'Brien as the focal point of an episode. Now let me just say that I hate the character of Miles O'Brien, but I think Colm Meaney is an excellent actor (just see Hell on Wheels ... where he literally is a Big Meaney). Obviously someone recognized his talent and thought that the seemingly insignificant Miles O'Brien should take a step forward, that's a credit Colm Meaney.

That being said, does Miles O'Brien really have to be THAT Irish?? In the beginning of the episode Miles and Keiko are eating dinner. Miles seems surprised the she eats Japanese food and she seems disgusted at his Irish cuisine. .....Do you people even know each other at all?? You just got married!! I was waiting for Miles to say ... "wait, are you meaning to tell me that your Asian??"

Anyway. He's TOO Irish and she is TOO Japanese. In the future will Irish people still be stereotypes, eat peasant food and sing 1700's shanties?? Will Japanese people wear Kimonos and decorate their rooms like its feudal Japan?? Why bother eating traditional foods in the future? I've seen a bagel dog ... literally a hot dog wrapped in a bagel. Imagine what the future beholds.

ST TNG: 85 down 94 to go

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 85 - Data's Day

This episode is basically a day in the life of Data, and it is awesome. Awesome because it's Data. Brent Spiner once again shows why he is the best actor since Bill Clinton. There are a few plots going on here.
  1. Keiko and Miles are supposed to get married but she calls it off. No wonder too. She's actually cute and he looks like ... well a hideous Irish guy. 
  2. Data is learning to dance for the wedding, Crusher teaches him to tap dance. Really? I highly doubt people will tap dance in the future.
  3. A Vulcan ambassador is kidnapped by Romulans ...
  4. and then some broad has a baby.
ST TNG: 84 down 95 to go

Friday, January 18, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 84 - Final Mission

"Wesley sets off on his final mission with the Enterprise accompanied by Picard, but they become stranded on a desert planet."

I'm not sad to see Wesley go, but I'm not happy either. I always assumed I hated this character, but going back and re-watching these made me realize that he really did add a different dynamic to the crew. That's not to say that the Wesley themed episodes were good, because usually they were not ... and this is no exception. It was just ok. Although I do think that Wil Wheaton did a fine job in this one, as did the go-to rogue pilot actor Nick Tate.

ST TNG: 83 down 96 to go

Friday, January 11, 2013

Star Trek TNG: Episode 83 - Future Imperfect

Very clever, very clever indeed. Bravo. Bravo I say. .... whatever. Many twists and turns in this one. So Riker, Worf and Jordi are on this planet ... Worf and Jordi beam back up. But, Riker disappears. Next thing you know he snaps out of his amnesia 16 years later on the Enterprise. He has a son, his wife Min is dead. Come to find out, that this is all a Romulan holodeck trick to get Riker to give up Federation secrets ... or is it??? Read the book!! After a strong start, these past few epsisodes have really sucked. Now back to watching Breaking Bad.

ST TNG: 82 down 97 to go