Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Bad Metal Album Cover Of The Week!

This is a new segment that i'm gonna do. "Bad Metal Album Cover of the week", lets see how long I keep this up.

This week our Bad Metal Album Cover is Overkill's Taking Over. The album itself actually isn't too's like a rock opera or something. Here's some lyrics straight from the album..

"We'll wreck your neck!
Wreckin' crew!
Your wrecked!
Ah! Wreckin' crew!
Wreck! Wreck!

Just to put in perspective what we're dealing with here.
Anyway, is there anything tougher than 4 dudes with feathered hair and M16's? I think not. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that, four guys with ass-tight jeans, vests and perms aren't "Taking Over" shit. M16's or just ain't happening. Two interesting side notes.

A) The drummer on this album lists his name as Rat Skates. I mean is that a pun or something? Is it meant to be tough? A skating rat...thats um...real tough.

B) I actually stole this tape from a local music store when I was in 7th Grade.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005


This weekend I rented the entire North and South 80's Mini-Series. I even told Captain Naps that I was "busy" and couldn't hang out. That was some good viewing i must say, what happened to Patrick Swayze? Other notible appearances in N&S are a very young Johnathan Frakes and a very cool Johnny Cash....

Now let me tell you about a really good show. If anyone has ever watched "Postcards from Buster" on PBS Kids they know what i'm talking's captivating. Seriously, it's really good. I'm not sure if being hooked on a kids show is really disturbing or really sensitive? Either way i'm depressed about it.

"Postcards from Buster" is a spin-off from the PBS show "Arthur" and the plot is this: Buster (who's parents are divorced) travels the country with his father Bo and they meet interesting people from all over the country. At first I thought Bo kidnapped Buster and they were on the run, but thats not the case. Bo is a pilot that has been flying a rock group to their gigs across America and Buster is along for the ride. Whats cool is that when they meet up with "real" people the show switches from cartoon to live-action shot from the point of view through Busters video camera. I like this show because you get to see how people live in places like Jacksons Hole, Wyoming. And seeing how I never leave home, this is the only way I'll ever get to see the country. Thank you Buster......Thank You.

For More info =

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Mugato's Theme

I actuall wrote this awhile ago and well....did you ever write something and then read it over and go "wow, i'm really depressed that I just wrote that"??? Well thats Mugato's Theme. I'm actually embarressed by this. Here's it's a parody of Mr. Roboto.
Mr. Mugato

Domo arigato, Mr. Mugato,
Uhura, Sulu, Haliian
Domo arigato, Mr. Mugato,
Uhura, Sulu,
You're wondering who I am, Man or Ape
With parts made on Neural, You can call me a Mape

I've got a secret I've been reading celebrity skin
I learned about humans, Maxim and F.H.M.
So you see i'm from the future, but i can still talk to you.
Because i live light years away, Thus my present is your future
Figure it out yourself-Figure it out yourself
I'm not gonna explain that so Figure it out yourself

I am a prick, with no emotions and Gorn he likes to sing.
I've come to laugh at all your problems, with my buddy Mr. Singh
I'm not a hero, I'm not a saviour, Earth's future i do know
I'm just a mape, with a remote control.
a remote control-
a remote control
I actually watched Celebrity Mole!

I get modern tv waves, I laughed at The Mask
Not the one with Jim carey, the one with Eric Stoltz

Domo arigato, Mr. Mugato, domo...domo
Domo arigato, Mr. Mugato, domo...domo
Domo arigato, Mr. Mugato, domo...domo
Thank you very much, Mr. Mugato
For doing the girls that nobody wants to
And thank you very much, Mr. Mugato
For serving me drinks just when I want you to.
Thank you-thank you, thank you
I want to Fuck you, please, Fuck you!!

The problem's plain to see: too much technology
Now I can watch Thunder In Paradise and that 80's
series V.

The time has come at last
For me and Captain Naps
To watch some Rachel Ray.
I feel so friggin gay!!
I'm Kirok! I'm Kirok! I'm Kirok! I'm Kirok!


Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Ugly Actress List

Rules: Under 40 years old. In movies. Relevent within the last 5 years.
Disclaimer: If given the opportunity, I would still have sex with all of these women.

10. Drew Barrymore - She was hot in E.T. but now her face seems to be caving in.

9. Rose McGowan - She has a man leg.

8. Amanda Peet - Was it a coincedance that she was in Coyote Ugly? I think not. Saying that she's coyote ugly is actually an insult to the coyote.

7. Uma Thurman - Uma is a scrawny mess. I must say that given the opportunity i'd have sex with her comatose body....ala Kill Bill V1.

6. Sarah Michelle Gellar - Sorry but, I just don't find Frankenstein eyebrows hot.

5. Tara Reid - She's not hot, her face is lumpy and she got bad tits.

4. Jennifer Love Hewitt - She's the female French Stewart.

3. Debra Messing - She wasn't just beaten with the ugly stick....she was beaten with a hammer.

2. Mena Suvari - Remember the hot chick that looked like she had down-syndrome in American Beauty?

1. Hilary Swank - Good lord! By far the ugliest chick in Hollywood. If Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler had sex (and i'm sure they have) and somehow they had a would totally look like Hilary Swank. It's ironic that she's too ugly for Swank Magazine.

Just missed the cut: Minnie Driver and Chloe Sevigny. I think Amanda Peet should drop to 5 actually.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

School Is For Losers

I got a water called 02GO and on the bottle it says "Up to 5 Times More Oxygen". Is that even possible? Even if it is, how does that affect me? Anyway, what this is leading up to is that School is for losers. I'm better off than most people that went to college, thats sad. I know Electrical Engineer majors that work in mail rooms, University of Miami grads that are car salesmen and one loser that delivers mail. I learned ZERO from Junior/High School (i'll give Elementary school some credit for math and reading, although my spelling/grammar is so bad). But for the most part everything I learned has been from TV and books. TV is the best teacher in the world, especially with all the specialty stations like the History Channel and Discovery. My advice to kids would be this: Don't bother going to high school, unless your going to be a doctor or lawyer. Other than that, just get your, watch TV, go on the internet - you can learn anything you want by doing these things, you don't need school. Most teachers talk outta they ass (<-- Ebonix), I new more than all of my history teachers combined, and thats not saying much. It's tough to find good teachers that make kids interested in learning, i've had High School Physics teacher and my one year of college Geography teacher. So in closing, School Is a Waste of Time AND Money.

PS: Is it really necessary to remake Amityville Horror?

Monday, April 04, 2005

I Hate New York

There's this movement afoot sent about by annoying hippies, it invlolves having the Red Sox and Yankees shake hands before games. Also they want to bridge the gap between Yankee fan and Red Sox fan relations. Evidently it's a bad influence to kids. Fuck You. Who cares, there's nothing greater than sitting at Fenway with a trashed shirtless dude on one side yelling "Jeter sucks A-Rod!" and a 5yr old on the other side yelling "Yankees Suck!" .... it's like a dream, a wonderful dream......anyway, Yankees Suck! Sure they kicked the Sox ass last night, but so what....we came back from 0-3 in the playoffs, something that has never been done before. And none of the Sox did steroids, unlike at least 2 Yankees did. They play hava nagila during the Yankees games for God's sake!!! Also Frank Sinatra friggin' sucked....he just talked and he never actually sang!!!!

You know, it's not that I really like baseball that much, it's more that I really Hate New York. I hate the state, the city and (almost) everyone that was ever from there......with the exception of The Ramones, The Three Stooges and Millard Fillmore "The Last of the Whigs". I hate that retarded accent, i mean cumon, people with bad accents are yeah. I hate everyone on the Yankees......i wish the team was in the World Trade Center....sorry but, I really would have liked that. I contemplated making a t-shirt that showed Bin Laden and above it it says Boston Wins! Hey, I'm an asshole, what can I say. They may have numerous World Series rings, but we still have The Hancock building! See that's how muh I hate New Yorkers, i'd stoop this low. Here's 10 new yorkers I hate (other than the Yankees)...

10. Bill O'Rielly (get over yourself!)
9. Joan Baez (annoying and winey)
8. Rosie O'Donnell (annoying and winey)
7. Woody Allen (annoying and winey)
6. FDR (most overrated president)
5. Paul Reiser (annoying and winey)
4. Barbara Streisand (annoying and winey)
3. Richard Dryfuss (annoying and winey, shoulda been on my actors I hate list)
2. Al Franken (annoying and winey)
1. Billy Crystal (annoying and winey)