Star Trek TNG: Episode 91 - Galaxy's Child

Geordi is the saddest most pathetic loser ever. So yes, he's basically one of us. He has absolutely no luck with chicks. In this episode he gets to finally meet his longtime crush Dr. Leah Brahms ... only to find out that she is a huge bitch. Nonetheless Geordi still tries to get with her, so he is overly nice  and even invites her to a romantic dinner. Only to be ignored. Then he finally gets up the courage to profess his feelings to her ... only to find out that she's married. In the end, they become "just friends". Sound familiar?

ST TNG: 90 down 89 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 90 - First Contact

This was a great episode. It showed how Starfleet handles their first contact with other life forms. They monitor space for worlds that are on the verge of warp technology, then they send down a recon team that watches them for several years ... when the time is right, they introduce themselves. In this case, Riker is injured and while at the hospital, they realize that he is not one of them. Why was Riker even on this mission?? They have nobody else that is capable of observing? The best scene is when an alien chick offers to help Riker escape if he has sex with her. That's one lucky ... woman. What??

ST TNG: 89 down 90 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 89 - Clues

I really liked this episode. While passing by a planet the crew becomes unconscious for 30 seconds. All except Data that is. But one by one little clues keep popping up that at least 24 hours has passed, not 30 seconds. Data's explanation of the event doesn't make sense, it seems that he is actually lying.

Well, Data is indeed lying. But he has logical reason for it. The planet that they passed by earlier does not wish to be located, so they basically erase the memories of anybody that passes by. Data was aware the entire time and chose not to reveal the truth about this alien race, for security reasons. But, Picard and crew can't keep well enough alone and go back to this planet. Now this race known as the Paxons threaten to destroy the Enterprise in order to keep their location a secret. Picard offers up his crew to yet again have their minds erased.

Then he finds out that one of the Paxtons was in the movie Boxing Helena

ST TNG: 88 down 91 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 88 - The Devil's Due

The Devil's Due ... more like The Devil's Poo. So the episode begins with Data dressed as Ebeneezer Scrooge from A Christmas Carol, I would have liked it better if it was Uncle Scrooge from Ducktails but whatever. I have given up on complaining about the constant pre-1930 references on Star Trek ... I get why they do it. But come on, nothing relevant was done in 60s, 70's or 80s?? Why not reference Cannonball Run? Or Disco Duck? Or the book American Psycho? Or Taco? Or Poco? Or Toto?

Anyway. This episode is a complete TOS throwback. No wonder, it's based on a Phase II script from 1977. There is a planet that is about to go through Armageddon, it seems as though at some point they had collectively sold their soul to the devil. Now SHE is back to collect. Yes, it's a woman and she's sort of hot. She has the ability to cause earthquakes and turn into any "devil" form that she wants .... including the most ridiculous looking Klingon devil of all time. Also she could have easily gone with a more fearsome looking Satan, maybe one with a more Biblical look to it. But no, she goes with the "Halloween costume purchased from CVS" Satan. Why would the devil honestly need a cape? Actually why would anyone need a cape? Is there a functional purpose to a cape, or is it just fashion? Either way, Satan doesn't need one.

For some reason the devil agrees to have a trial with Picard over this situation. Picard proves that she is just a regular person that is using technology to trick everybody. So dumb.

Hopefully I can watch some more TNG this weekend, if I don't die from shoveling 2.5 feet of snow.

ST TNG: 87 down 92 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 87 - The Loss

OK so this is actually episode 85, I forgot to write about it. The episode is about Troi losing her powers and boy did it suck. Troi is good to look at, but I hate episodes based on her. This episode should have been called "The Fall of Troi". There should also be an episode called ... "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Worf". Also, "Pic-a-card any Card", "Data's of the Lost Arc", "Rikers on Bikers" ... ??

ST TNG: 86 down 93 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 86 - The Wounded

The Wounded is about a rogue Starfleet captain named Maxwell that is bent on getting even with the Cardassians for killing his family. This is the first appearance of The Cardassians in the series (although I didn't see Bruce Jenner anywhere) and also the first to really have Miles O'Brien as the focal point of an episode. Now let me just say that I hate the character of Miles O'Brien, but I think Colm Meaney is an excellent actor (just see Hell on Wheels ... where he literally is a Big Meaney). Obviously someone recognized his talent and thought that the seemingly insignificant Miles O'Brien should take a step forward, that's a credit Colm Meaney.

That being said, does Miles O'Brien really have to be THAT Irish?? In the beginning of the episode Miles and Keiko are eating dinner. Miles seems surprised the she eats Japanese food and she seems disgusted at his Irish cuisine. .....Do you people even know each other at all?? You just got married!! I was waiting for Miles to say ... "wait, are you meaning to tell me that your Asian??"

Anyway. He's TOO Irish and she is TOO Japanese. In the future will Irish people still be stereotypes, eat peasant food and sing 1700's shanties?? Will Japanese people wear Kimonos and decorate their rooms like its feudal Japan?? Why bother eating traditional foods in the future? I've seen a bagel dog ... literally a hot dog wrapped in a bagel. Imagine what the future beholds.

ST TNG: 85 down 94 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 85 - Data's Day

This episode is basically a day in the life of Data, and it is awesome. Awesome because it's Data. Brent Spiner once again shows why he is the best actor since Bill Clinton. There are a few plots going on here.

1. Keiko and Miles are supposed to get married but she calls it off. No wonder too. She's actually cute and he looks like ... well a hideous Irish guy. 
2. Data is learning to dance for the wedding, Crusher teaches him to tap dance. Really? I highly doubt people will tap dance in the future.
3. A Vulcan ambassador is kidnapped by Romulans ...
4. and then some broad has a baby.

ST TNG: 84 down 95 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 84 - Final Mission

"Wesley sets off on his final mission with the Enterprise accompanied by Picard, but they become stranded on a desert planet."

I'm not sad to see Wesley go, but I'm not happy either. I always assumed I hated this character, but going back and re-watching these made me realize that he really did add a different dynamic to the crew. That's not to say that the Wesley themed episodes were good, because usually they were not ... and this is no exception. It was just ok. Although I do think that Wil Wheaton did a fine job in this one, as did the go-to rogue pilot actor Nick Tate.

ST TNG: 83 down 96 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 83 - Future Imperfect

Very clever, very clever indeed. Bravo. Bravo I say. .... whatever. Many twists and turns in this one. So Riker, Worf and Jordi are on this planet ... Worf and Jordi beam back up. But, Riker disappears. Next thing you know he snaps out of his amnesia 16 years later on the Enterprise. He has a son, his wife Min is dead. Come to find out, that this is all a Romulan holodeck trick to get Riker to give up Federation secrets ... or is it??? Read the book!! After a strong start, these past few epsisodes have really sucked. Now back to watching Breaking Bad.

ST TNG: 82 down 97 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 82 - Reunion

Ahh yes, the Worf baby daddy episode. It seems that Worf had knocked up his ex-girlfriend and split (how typical ... Klingon) ... now she's back with a little creepy surprise. Alexander. The grossest thing i've ever seen (since the movie "87 and still Bangin" that is). Why must all Klingons have the hair stylings of Vincent Schiavelli? This episode was actually really good. It had some good Klingon drama and brawling. After Worf's nemesis kills his GF, Worf retaliates and attacks the bastard...lol Riker walks in just as Work has his blade raised for the death blow...wtf. I was 100% sure that he was going to stop an inch from his face or something ... but no, he kills the son of a bitch. Worf then ships his kid off to live with his parents....lmfao.


ST TNG: 81 down 98 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 81 - Legacy

With episode 80, TNG had officially passed the TOS series run of 79. Next Gen writers paid homage to TOS with a mention of the planet Camus, which had been the planet from Turnabout Intruder. Also, they created a rather boring episode. I'm tired of hearing about Tasha Yar, and I'm tired of episodes with planets in some kind of civil war. This episode has Tasha Yar's sister ... who I swore was Linda Hamilton. But it was Beth Troissant. She also looks like an 80's female standup comic. I'm assuming that Data also has sex with her.

This episode the classic 7th Heaven actor Christopher Michael in it .... not to be confused with my dad's band from the 70's The Christopher Michael Band (no joke, this is the real deal)

ST TNG: 80 down 99 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 80 - Remember Me

Bev Crusher gets stuck in an alternate universe ... that starts collapsing on itself. Pretty interesting I guess. It all starts when Wesley is doing some kind of force field experiment or something. Jordi keeps ordering him to stop because the ship can't move until he's done ... yet he keeps yelling at Jordi. Weird way to treat a superior officer. Anyway, Dr. Crusher gets stuck in this field bubble and sent on to an alternate Enterprise were everything is slightly different. Bev thinks that there is something wrong with the ship ... but eventually realizes that there is something wrong with her. This episode is very Twilight Zone

Then ... The Traveler shows up and fixes everything. He is played by Brookline MA's own Eric Menyuk, for all of you who don't know who he is .... check out this awesome resume...

Matlock as Al White /(3 episodes, 1987–1994)
Melrose Place as Physician (1 episode, 1993)
Married... with Children as Black Bob /(2 episodes, 1990–1993)
Night Court as Pizza Guy (1 episode, 1991)
Jake and the Fatman (2 episodes, 1990)
thirtysomething as Man #4 (1 episode, 1990)
Falcon Crest as Dr. Peters (1 episode, 1989)
L.A. Law as Roland Burnet (2 episodes, 1987–1989)
Cheers as Larry the Mailman (1 episode, 1988)
Hill Street Blues as Carney (1 episode, 1987)

umm. yeah

ST TNG: 79 down 100 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 79 - Suddenly Human

Blah. Can't win them all I guess. At least Chad Allen was good in it. He plays this kid Jono that is a human with Talarian parents. Picard thinks he may have basically been kidnapped and tries to get the boy to go back to Earth. The only good thing about this one was that Jono actually ends up staying with the Talarians and not going back to Earth  .......  and he also stabs Picard in the neck. Not a bad twist.

Also, Chad Allen is gay and was in the show My Two Dads ... ironic?

ST TNG: 78 down 101 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 78 - Brothers

Yet another great Brent Spiner performance. (By the way, that last episode "Family" is the only TNG episode that does not contain Data). The episode starts off with two young brothers, the older one plays a trick on the other and nearly kills him. As Data is bringing the elder brother back to his quarters ... Data stars acting very strange. Next thing you know, Data hijacks the Enterprise. This entire sequence is just awesome as Data trumps every possible move to thwart his take-over.

I totally forgot about this one, so I was wondering the entire time ... what the hell is Data up to! He ends up beaming down to a planet were he is greeted by his father, Noonien Soong. He has been called home in order to get an "emotional chip" installed. Unfortunately Lore shows up and ruins everything.

Here's the thing with Data. He doesn't need an emotional chip. In fact, he already seems to have emotions. Sure he can't love and cry but is he not the most compassionate crew member?? He seems to care more about other people than most humans would.

ST TNG: 77 down 102 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 77 - Family

"While the Enterprise is going under repairs at Earth, Captain Picard visits his brother's family in France, Lt. Worf's adoptive human parents come to see him aboard the ship and Dr. Crusher gives her son Wesley a personal holo-recording left by his late father shortly after the boy's birth."

So I completely expected to hate this episode, but damn it was really good. It has nothing to do with Star Trek and everything to do with a cheap Lifetime movie. Yet, it was so well done and the acting was wonderful. It's basically about Picard, Worf and Dr. Crusher dealing with family issues. Trust me though, it was watchable. In one scene Picard and his brother mud wrestle and then hug. I nearly vomited.

ST TNG: 76 down 103 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 76 - The Best of Both Worlds II

Season 4 begins. The Best of Both Worlds part II. I can't get the Hannah Montana theme song out of my head.

Although this episode was pretty awesome, I have a huge gripe about how easily the Borg had been defeated. I mean they just basically beam aboard the ship and take back Picard without any trouble. Then they issue a command that in essence causes the Borg ship to destroy itself. Then they somehow turn Picard back to a full human. All within the last half hour. Too easy.

ST TNG: 75 down 104 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 75 - The Best of Both Worlds

Season three certainly ends with a bang. Or shall I say with a Borg. That joke didn't work at all. This two part episode has to be one of the greatest in Star Trek history. It basically starts with the Enterprise finding a decimated outpost, Picard realizes that only group can achieve this type destruction....the white man. They soon encounter the Borg rubix cube.

At first they manage to evade the Borg but soon they are overtaken by the Borg and trapped in a tractor beam, also by the Borg.  For some reason they have a Borg expert on the ship named Shelby, she is cute but adds nothing to this episode. Just to be clear ... she is not a Borg. Not only that, it was only a season ago in which Q transports the Enterprise a million light years away and introduces them to the Borg. How the hell do they suddenly have an expert?? A Borg expert that

Regardless ... the Borg kidnap Picard. Riker takes command of the ship and sends an away team onto the Borg cube. They don't locate Picard but they do manage to sabotage the Borg ship. As they return back to the Enterprise they see Picard on the view screen ... he is now a Borg. Named Locutus. Locutus of Borg. (How un-tough is that name???) And how annoyed are you by the word "Borg".

ST TNG: 74 down 105 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 74 - Transfigurations

Not much too say on this one. It was good I guess. The plot involves a traveler with amnesia that they name John Doe, he has great powers and they find out he is also an escaped convict. He kills Worf ... and the brings him back to life. If all of this sounds familiar, well that is because it is about 5 different former Star Trek plots rolled into one. It touches upon the idea of the next step in human evolution, a super intelligent energy form. How fucking boring of a life is that. Anyway, John Doe was played by longtime All My Children vet Mark LaMura.

ST TNG: 73 down 106 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 73 - Ménage à Troi

Although it is my favorite pun, this episode as a whole is just down right asinine. First of all, would a Ferengi really be that horny for a Betazoid that he would go waaaaayyyy out of his way to capture her. Not only that, but when he kidnaps Lwaxana ... why does he also take Riker and Deanna?

I was mostly creeped out and disgusted by this episode. At one point Damon Tog has a nude Lwaxana and Deanna standing before him, and it was not even hot ... just nasty. Then Lwaxana apparently has sex with him. And in the end she chooses to stay with him. WHY?! It makes no sense!! None of this makes sense!!

ST TNG: 72 down 107 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 72 - Sarek

"The highly regarded, but elderly, Ambassador Sarek is ferried by the Enterprise on his final mission for the Federation. While aboard ship, the crew experiences an outbreak of irrational anger amongst themselves."

Mark Lenard is amazing. He's been playing Sarek since 1967 and he is awesome every single time. In this one, Sarek is suffering from a Vulcan disease in which his emotions are so pent up that they project onto other people. Yeah...it's stupid. Anyway, it is affecting the entire crew so a solution is devised in which a host must mind-meld with Sarek and all of his negative emotions will be transferred into this poor soul. So obviously they would have some Yeoman do it right? No, they have the fucking captain of the Starship do it. Does that at all make sense? Anyway, good episode.

ST TNG: 71 down 108 to go