Enterprise: Episode 52 - THE EXPANSE

Here it is, the last episode of season two. Very solid and entertaining. Except they pull the whole "T'Pol is getting taken off of the mission" again for the 10th friggin time. But this time she resigns from her Vulcan post, so I guess that's that. Well here is the description: "An alien probe attacks Earth, killing 7 million people. Enterprise heads home for refitting before being sent into the Delphic Expanse in pursuit of the attackers. Trip also has trouble sleeping due to the loss of his sister, Elizabeth Tucker, in the alien attack on Earth. Meanwhile, the Klingons pursue Enterprise in an attempt to reclaim Captain Archer as their prisoner."

The Suliban help out Archer by telling him who is responsible, he finally meets that Suliban leader ... the that looks like Zordon from the Power Rangers. So Archer takes the Enterprise in pursuit of the Xindi into a place called the Expanse, a place in which even the Vulcans have never successfully gone. The episode ends with the Enterprise about to go into this new realm of space, literally going where no man has gone before. So this should set up an incredible season three right? WRONG

ST ENTERPRISE COUNTDOWN: 52 down 46 to go
END OF SEASON TWO

Enterprise: Episode 51 - BOUNTY

"A Tellarite captures Archer in order to collect a reward from the Klingons who have been searching for the captain after the events of "Judgment". Meanwhile, a virus causes T'Pol to experience a premature pon farr."

So begins the final two episodes of season 2. Archer gets captured by a bounty hunter named Skalaar. He's actually a nice guy, worst bounty hunter ever. He's being payed to turn over Archer to the Klingon's for execution. But, Archer convinces Skalaar to help him escape instead.

The subplot is, T'Pol is experiencing a premature pon farr and she's all horned up. She's even trying to score with Dr. Phlox. If this was real life and on a navy vessel and a female was insanely trying to bang every guy, what do you think would happen?? Somehow every man resists. Anyway, I've had many premature pon farr's ... and I don't feel bad about it.

ST ENTERPRISE COUNTDOWN: 51 down 47 to go

Enterprise: Episode 50 - FIRST FLIGHT

"After hearing of the death of a close friend, Archer tells T'Pol about his early career as an experimental warp engine pilot"

Yeah it's another one of those tell a story of the origins of a star trek related theme. But, they are ALWAYS entertaining. This episode was awesome form one reason .... Keith Carradine. He is actually David Carradine's half-brother, I could toss in a easy David Carradine joke but I actually liked him. Not so much for his acting but more for his naked sex death in a closet. And this is me liking somebody! But Keith was Lundy, and that was an great character. Although ... do they realy have to make Dexter's scanky ugly sister get a new f-buddy for every season? It's just gross. And I hate the character of Quinn, he's an unlikeable dickhead with a crappy Boston accent .... wait...hmmm. Anyway, I like Doakes.

So Keith Carridine is a cocky pilot that nearly ruins the space program by destroying a warp ship. Archer and him have a great bar room fight scene. They become friends. In the end Archer gets picked to captain the Enterprise. The episode also shows when Trip meets Archer. Trip is awesome, but he seems so dumb ... i just can't take a hick seriously. I like how Trip treats Archer like a buddy instead of the captain, Archer doesn't really seem to care either. This is an odd dynamic. But I guess I would be the same way if my friend became my boss, I totally wouldn't take them seriously.

ST ENTERPRISE COUNTDOWN: 50 down 48 to go

Enterprise: Episode 49 - REGENERATION

"A group of Borg are revived after a century frozen in Arctic ice."

I really liked this episode, maybe some people hated it because it seems like it's trying to force itself into the TNG realm. But I think it works well with First Contact. As these revived Borgs escape they send a signal to there home planet with coordinates of Earth, Archer estimates that the signal will take 200 years to reach it's destiny.

The Borg are a cool bad guy, I did get sick of them at some point in the past but it was good to see them pop up again. In this episode they start to assimilate Dr. Phlox, it would have been interesting to see him fully taken over ... but then I guess he would be off the show. They should get a Borg science officer, yeah.

ST ENTERPRISE COUNTDOWN: 49 down 49 to go

Enterprise: Episode 48 - COGENITOR

"Enterprise encounters the Vissians, a more technologically advanced species, and Trip finds himself transfixed on the fact the Vissians are a three-sexed species"

The Trip episodes really are the best ones. So Archer makes good friends with the race and for once an alien species are not jerks. They have a third-sex (a Cogenitor), sort of a transgendered person (if thats the right term). They use these people to reproduce, somehow. But they have no names, no rights and are basically owned by the "normal" people. Trip befriends this person and teaches it to read and tells it to stand up for itself. So it does, but to no avail. Also one of the female aliens is blatenly trying to bang Reed.

So in probably one of the best twist endings in Trek history, the Cogenitor commits suicide! And Archer rips Trip a new one for interfering and blames him for the Cogenitors death, episode done. Final Note: Trip has the Cogenitor watch a movie...and it's The Day The Earth Stood Still. Guest stars include G'Kar from Babylon 5 and Grace from Joan of Arcadia.

ST ENTERPRISE COUNTDOWN: 48 down 50 to go

Enterprise: Episode 47 - THE BREACH

"Due to a militant faction's demands, Enterprise is asked to retrieve Denobulan geologists from an alien world."

So Trip, Reed and Travis go into a cave to retrieve the geologists. And again Travis gets hurt while rock climbing, same thing happened in season one. Never fails in Star Trek, something will always happen to the black guy. These people don't want to leave, so Trip threatens to shoot them.

Best part about the episode is the Dr. Phlox plot in which he must treat one of his species mortal enemies. He repeatedly loses his cool, which is very out of character and very entertaining. In the end they make amends. How nice. Decent episode.

ST ENTERPRISE COUNTDOWN: 47 down 51 to go

Enterprise: Episode 46 - HORIZON

"After the death of his father, Travis visits his family on their cargo ship and begins to reconsider his place aboard Enterprise."

I admit, I was initially hesitant of a Maweather themed episode. But this was a pleasant surprise. It had great dynamic between Travis and his bitter brother. The interaction between Travis and the entitre Horizin crew played out very well. Meanwhile back on Enterprise Archer gets T'Pol to watch a movie .... and of course it's Frankenstein from the friggin'30's. I mean sure Karloff is awesome, but seriously. Anyway, T'Pol likes it I guess. Whatever, it's not important. The Horizon gets attacked, Travis saves the day and makes amends with his bro. I wonder what kind of cargo the Horizon was hauling ... crack?!?!

 ST ENTERPRISE COUNTDOWN: 46 down 52 to go

Enterprise: Episode 45 - JUDGEMENT

"Archer is arrested and imprisoned by the Klingons for allegedly conspiring against the Empire."

 This episode literally takes place in two rooms, Archer is in every scene and the rest of the crew in it for about one minute, yet this episode is excellent. The Klingons are always good and always well acted. Archer is represented by Klingon "lawyer" that is some sort of "human? rights activist". Very uncharacteristic of a Klingon. He does a bang up job of defending Archer and they find him guilty of lesser charges. So instead of getting a death sentence he gets life in prison .... oh and they also toss his lawyer in prison as well. Fortunately Reed busts them out. Such an obvious left wing agenda, but whatever, the episode was entertaining. And to be honest I was rooting for the Klingons to kill Archer. Also I had a Blueberry Pancake Latte that tasted just like a blueberry pancake, but to the point where it seemed like they mixed batter with coffee, it was ridiculously thick .... like the female cast of Living Single.  Also it was like five bucks!

ST ENTERPRISE COUNTDOWN: 45 down 53 to go

Enterprise: Episode 44 - THE CROSSING

Incorporeal aliens attempt to take over Enterprise.

Staying true to the Enterprise realm, here is a completely sub par episode. The episode enters into a gigantic ship, one that could fit hundreds of Enterprises. It's inhabited by balls of light, these creatures start taking over the bodies of the crew. Remember the episode in which everybody hides in a crawl space? Yeah the revisit that again. T'Pol gets them to release the ship, but Trip is still possessed. Dr. Phlox manages to save the day by essentially suffocating the creature. Then The Enterprise manages to blow up that gigantic ship with two shots ... what a piece of shit. Best part though, Reed is possessed and he orders T'Pol to take off her clothes and have sex with him ... living every mans dream. But in the end, I would rather watch The Crossing with Jeff Daniels as George Washington.

ST ENTERPRISE COUNTDOWN: 44 down 54 to go

Enterprise: Episode 43 - CANAMAR

"Mistaken as smugglers, Archer and Trip find themselves on a prisoner transport ship"

Now this is what I'm talking about! This episode is excellent. It's got great characters and guest actors, action, drama and the best part is the comedy relief. There is this annoying prisoner that sits next to Trip and will not shut up! And he looks like Rocky Dennis. Anyone that takes public transportation may know this scenario, a disgusting person sits next to you and will not stop yapping!

So two of the prisoners take over the vessel and initiate Archer to help fly it. You really start to sympathize with the prisoners as many are innocent or just likable petty thieves. Even Archer has a hard time not liking these people, but in the end he has to stab them in the back to save his own ass. And he feels pretty crappy about it. But Sean Whalen is so good as the talkative alien Zoumas.

ST ENTERPRISE COUNTDOWN: 43 down 55 to go

Enterprise: Episode 42 - FUTURE TENSE

"Enterprise finds a derelict ship only to be attacked by Suliban and Tholian ships"

Ughh, another Suliban plot. I'm so wearing thin on this. The Enterprise finds a pod floating in space, it could be Zefram Cochrane ... or Khan?!?! Anyway. it's from the future and the Suliban and Tholians are all fighting the Enterprise for it, then the Vulcans step in to help out. A bunch of weird time warp stuff happens and then the pod dissapears. To be honest I was making myself a sandwich and missed most of the end ... but the sandwich was good. Then after this I watched In the Heat of the Night and man Carroll O'Connor was great in this show. Now I typically like Hill Street Blues a bit more, but O'Connor is just too cool in this show.

ST ENTERPRISE COUNTDOWN: 42 down 56 to go

Enterprise: Episode 41 - CEASE FIRE

"Archer negotiates a cease fire between Andorians and Vulcans."

A good idea, but kind of a lame episode. The saving grace was the cast of excellent guest stars; Vaughn Armstrong, Jeffrey Combs, Gary Graham and I assume Ma'am from Webster???

ST ENTERPRISE COUNTDOWN: 41 down 57 to go

Enterprise: Episode 40 - STIGMA

"T'Pol learns she has Pa'nar Syndrome contracted from her mind meld in "Fusion" and must face being ostracized by Vulcan society and losing her position on Enterprise."

Yeah, so T'Pol gets a disease and the Vulcans will not help her find a cure. Typical douches. One of them finally steps up and helps out. But really, this plot didn't interest me at all. The subplot was way way better. Dr. Phlox's wife shows up and she is constantly trying to band Trip. I'm not just assuming this. She really want it and she's kind of cute. When Trip finally tells Dr. Phlox about his wife's advances, Dr. Phlox is like "Yeah, so just bang her". He doesn't really care. Somehow Trip still won't do it ... lame. Although Dr. Phlox does have a foot long tongue, you just can't live up to those expectations. Now for my pet peeve, Trip states that one of his favorite movies is Bela Lugosi's The Black Cat ... it's from the fucking 1930's!!

ST ENTERPRISE COUNTDOWN: 40 down 58 to go

Enterprise: Episode 39 - DAWN

"Trip is fired upon by an Arkonian ship and is stranded on a planet with his attacker."

Remember when Trip got stranded on a planet with a princess? This time it's with an ugly alien. It's as if they had the "Trip gets stranded" idea down but couldn't decide which direction to go from there ... with something ugly or something beautiful?? Hmmm, well we'll just do both. Within one episode of each other.

That being said, this was a good episode. Trip is always good to watch and the interactions between him and the Arkorian are rather gripping as they turn from enemies to friends. The funny thing is that without the universal translator they can't communicate with each other, yet Trip repeatedly talks to the Arkorian in English. It just seems stupid. Anyway that's it. For some reason I started thinking about something during this episode. During the entire time of the Star Trek series, is there actually peace on Earth? It seems like the only issues are with aliens, they never really mention any wars or anything. I also assume the U.S. has become a super super super power because the Vulcan's have specifically visited America. I'm sure this has been mentioned somewhere in the Star Trek realm and I just forgot about it.

ST ENTERPRISE COUNTDOWN: 39 down 59 to go

Enterprise: Episode - 38: THE CATWALK

"The Enterprise crew takes refuge in a nacelle to avoid an inescapable radiation belt. The Enterprise crew takes refuge in a nacelle to avoid an inescapable radiation belt. "


I really have nothing much to say about this episode, it was OK. The plot is basically: everyone sits in a crawlspace. But it is within these plots that Star Trek magic really happens. Enterprise (and basically all of Star Trek), has a great knack for taking a mundane plot and turning it into something vaguely watchable. This is a good thing. Spanning 40 plus years and five series, Star Trek has consistently hit upon three key elements.

ONE - Great writing: Many, many episodes would just seem silly if not for the creative situations and the great dialogue that have been unleashed from the brilliant minds of such writers as Roddenberry, Piller, Berman etc. Even TOS was a well written show, especially for the time period and considering that nothing like this had really been done before on TV. The writers always paid attention to detail, fan response and continuity. This has proven to be a vital aspect which sets Star Trek apart from other shows.

TWO - Top notch acting: From the trio of Shatner/Nimoy/Spock to Mulgrew to Count Bukula, Trek has always had superb acting. And they never really went for big name stars either but they got the absolute most out of the actors that they cast. I mean, look at Jolene Blalock ... she was basically just a model. I'm sure many people had her written off as a dits or something. But, Enterprise gave her a big break and she did an amazing job as T'Pol. TNG probably had the best acting over all with Stewart, Dorn, Spiner, Burton and Frakes just to name a few. And Avery Brooks as Sisco??, damn near perfect. And even the guest stars are fantastic. Some shows can get away with subpar acting, but Star Trek needs qulaity believable acting in order to pull off the concepts. And they always get it done.


THREE - Character Development: Nobody and I mean nobody does character development better than the Star Trek series. In real life, the crew of these ships would be regular everyday boring ass people, but then there would be no show. Here is where elements one and two combine into Star Trek perfection and form interesting, engaging and individualistic characters that grow with the show.

ST ENTERPRISE COUNTDOWN: 38 down 60 to go

Enterprise: Episode 37 - PRECIOUS CARGO

"While answering a distress call, Trip is kidnapped along with a spoiled alien princess."

They are really trying to turn Trip into Kirk, this episode episode just reinforces that theory. Lets see, Trip ends up on a planet with a hot, half naked alien princess and ends up making out with her. Case closed. The filming even looks like TOS, also the actress that plays this princess is very pretty. This episode is flawed from the beginning, within the first few minutes of the episode they have Trip playing blues on a harmonica. I mean, Trip would have been a kid in the 2100's. Any child born within the last 20 years our time may not even know who George Harrison is!! My point being that Trip should be listening to music that he grew up ... not music that Leadbelly grew up with!! Whatever. So anyway, there are aliens that are after this princess. Now 40 minutes of the episode is spent reinacting "Six Days, Seven Nights" then suddenly the epsidoe rushes to wrap everything up in 4 minutes. Very weird. So Trip punches the alien full force in the face three times and the thing laughs at him. Then the princess hits him with a branch and he's out cold. I mean really?? REALLY??? Not that a woman couldn't hit hard enough, but THIS woman couldn't do it. I guess that's all, episode done.

ST ENTERPRISE COUNTDOWN: 37 down 61 to go

Top Ten Women Of Star Trek

OK, so here it is upon Capt. Naps request. My only rule is: 1. must be a main/semi-main Star Trek character, no guest stars ... otherwise TOS would fill the list.

1.        

      10. Beverly Crusher (TNG) – This broad is the hottest cougar since John Melloncamp.Beverly Crusher is older looking but she's still got it, in a Conservative female politician way. She’s played by the infamous Gates McFadden, who at 62 still looks pretty damn good.

     

       9. Ro Laren (TNG) – She seems like a total bitch, which sometimes I kind of like. Ro Laren is definetly do-able no doubt about that.

    

        

      8. Kes (Voyager) – I find Kes insaaaaannnneeeellllyyy cute. Good god, she is so freaking cute. Like a sexy little pixie and I’m not talking about Kim Deal. Believe you me, I ain’t talking about Kim Deal. Maybe Kes should be higher... I would even have put her at number 1 if I didn’t actually rationalize this list.

           7. Yeoman Rand (TOS) – To be honest, if I was to do a list of all the hot Star Trek ladies including guest stars, well TOS would fill the list. Every guest star was an 8+. Except for the Man Trap creatures she’s just flat out nasty. Janice Rand I always thought was very cute. She seems like a bar hag that is just always open for business. Uhura should be the obvious choice but I just never found her that attractive. Now the one from the new Star Trek movie, yowza.

.          

     6. Hoshi (Enterprise) – I don’t know, maybe Hoshi should be higher on the list. She’s got a cute little body on her and those damn anime eyes will get me every time.

.        5. Deanna Troi (TNG) – She was always so damn sexy in this show. Dark haired Greek Godess – and you know what they say about Greek woman? They are typically hideous like Nia Vardalos, but Deanna Troi she is smoking and has a giant rack of lamb.

      4. Tasha Yar (TNG) – Pretty much most of the TNG woman could have gone here. They are all pretty decent. But I always had it bad for Tasha Yar. And how is she NOT China Phillip???

 

        

      3. Dax (DS9) – She was by far the cutest main character on DS9, Nerys was OK but too alien looking. I would actually like to date her, she seems nice … at first, and then she bitches about every possible thing imaginable. "Oh, I see you got 2% milk. I asked for 1%. You have to go all the way back to the supermarket and exchange it. What's wrong with you? Are you that stupid that you can't even get the correct milk?" ... "Well, I mean, it's only 1 more percent. Is it really that big of a difference?"

      2. Seven of Nine (Voyager) – I really like her with the hair down.  She reminds me too much of one of the Addicted to Love girls with the hair up. Then I start thinking about Robert Palmer and then Orioles pitcher Jim Palmer and then pitcher Frank Viola, It’s a big mess. But back to my main point. Seven of Nine is super hot and in real life she used to go to crazy sex clubs with her husband … who I assume was pitcher Nolan Ryan.  Actually it was my favorite Republican Jack Ryan.

      1.T’Pol (Enterprise) – She just has to be number one on the list. Way too damn sexy. T’Pol is like that snobby uptight girl that really needs a good one. Also I really like the Vulcan haircut on her for some reason. You get the feeling that if you hooked up with her that she would totally be slumming. Even still, none of use would ever have a shot with her.