A lot of people don't know that Rocky Dennis from the great comedy Mask was a real person. Jim Carey didn't do quit as good a job in the the sequal, also the cartoon M.A.S.K. didn't really do the live action movie much justice. His real name was Roy "Rocky" Dennis. While doing a search on yahoo once, I came across some dudes personal website, it was rather normal. He talked about his interests and crap and then he goes on to say how he went to elementary school with the real Rocky Dennis and how Rocky was a dickhead. Ha Ha...classic. Hey....his house number was 138...i never knew that. "We are 138, we are 138, we arrrre 138!" - The Misfits.
We all know that Santa visits all types of children...even good old Rocky. So in the spirit of Christmas, I bring you this short play entitled "When Rocky Met Santa" brought to you by the Mugato Playaz.
Rocky: I'm waiting up for Santa.....yippee ky-oh ky-ay (how the hell do you spell that??)! I think I hear him coming now.
Santa comes down the chimney with a thud.
Santa: Holy shit....clean your fuckin' chimney already. Jesus Christ.
Rocky jumps out from behind the chair
Rocky: SANTA!!!!
Santa: AHHHHHHHHH. GOD NO!!!! SAVE ME JESUS!!!! IT'S GREAT LUCIFER HIMSELF!
Rocky: Santa, it's me....Rocky Dennis
Santa: Please! Take off that mask...it's scary!
Rocky: I wish I could.
Santa: ...........your....human?
Rocky: Of course i am? Why do you ask?
Santa: ....no....reason
Rocky: Gee you could at least look at me when you talk.
Santa: I'm sorry.....it's very....difficult....your so...um..........original.
Rocky: Don't patronize me Santa, i know i'm a hideous monster.
Santa: Well son I can't argue with that one. But, hey at least you got your health.
Rocky: Actually....i'm pretty sick.
Santa: At least you got a good family.
Rocky: Well actually, my moms a crack-head.
Santa: At least you have......um.....friends?
Rocky: Actually not really.
Santa: ALRIGHT! YOU HAVE NOTHING. GIMME A FREAKIN BREAK, I'M GRASPING AT STRAWS HERE!
Rocky: Shhh. you'll wake up mom....she was up all night having sex with 3 bikers.
Santa: .........is she hot?
Rocky: What?
Santa: Nevermind
Rocky: So did you bring me my present?!?
Santa: I sure did.......um......hmm I must have forgotten it.
Rocky: Great......another Christmas without a present. All I want is some Brookyn Dodgers baseball cards.
Santa: Well maybe I have an extra present somewhere. Ahh..well how about this! Wouldn't you know that I happen to have a very popular toy that all the kids love....and best of all it looks JUST like you. See Rocky....your not so bad.
Rocky: ......um thats a Boglin.
Santa: .......so it is.
Rocky: Well this sucks....here I made you some cookies.
Santa: You made these huh..........thanks...but i'm all set.
Rocky: Gee Santa I didn't rub my friggin' face in it.
Santa: It's not you...it's me.
Rocky: Whatever. Look, obviously this has gone horribly wrong...so the least you could do is tell me some things about my future. You can do that Santa right?
Santa: Of course Rocky...Santa knows ALL.
Rocky: I met this wonderful blind girl at camp....Will we be together forever?
Santa: .........yeah.......sure
Rocky: Will I ever go to California?
Santa: .........uh....yes..
Rocky: What age do I live to be?
Santa: Seven-ty-five....yeah, thats the ticket.
Rocky: Hey.....why did you say it like that terrible John Luvitz character from Saturday Night Live?
Santa: I....don't know what your talking about. Look, i really have to go. I have to deliver toys to every kid in the world!
Rocky: Even Jews.
Santa: Well.....i guess not many Jews.
Rocky: And Muslims
Santa: OK...I guess not many Muslims.
Rocky: Well hey, i should be getting back to my room anyway. Mom got me another prostitute for Christmas, so I guess I'll be up all night talking again.
Santa: Listen Rocky, this time...no talking. You go in there and you bang her....bang her hard and bang her fast. Do it for Santa.
Rocky: But Santa...I don't know how.
Santa: .....Well Rocky....seeing how I forgot your present....here is my gift to you. Bring me ONE carrot, ONE Donut and 3 1/4 Cups of Jello Instant Butterscotch Pudding. And Santa will SHOW you....how it's done.
Rocky: Santa....your the greatest.
Santa: I know son....i know. Now lets learn how to bang that HO HO HO!!
Then Rocky does that 80's dance move "The Robot".
-the end-
There you have it. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.....except Muslims. Just kidding. -Mugato
3 comments:
"Rocky Dennis High School"
Well I don't care for prostitutes
Rock, rock, Rocky Dennis High School
But blind chicks really toot my flute
Rock, rock, Rocky Dennis High School
I just wanna take off the mask
I can't think of anything good that rhymes with mask.
Rock, rock, rock, rock, Rocky Dennis High School
Well the girls out there think i am gross, you know
Rock, rock, Rocky Dennis High School
Cruisin' with Gar on the Harley yo
Rock, rock, Rocky Dennis High School
I hate my mom cuz she does crack
I said "Don't do drugs" and she gave me a smack
Rock, rock, rock, rock, Rocky Dennis High School
Fun fun Rocky Dennis High School
Fun fun Rocky Dennis High School
Fun fun Rocky Dennis High School
Fun fun, oh baby
That was an odd play. I don't usually like theatre, but that one was pretty good. Better than that Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolfe shit.
Yeah Edward Albee sucks. On second glance the play was rather childish and moronic....i regret every minute of it.
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