Star Trek TNG: Episode 111 - New Ground

"Worf tries to be a father to his son, Alexander, while the Enterprise helps to test a new propulsion technology. "

Here's the thing. I hate Alexander. Worst character ever. This episode sucks. Brian Bonsall was a cute kid as Andy from Family Ties but his looks really hit the wall. Worf is a such a big Klingon phony, he acts like he is so into being a Klingon ... you were raised by humans dude, give it a fucking rest.

110 down 69 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 110 - A Matter of Time

"An apparent historian from the 26th century visits the Enterprise while they help a planet prevent a nuclear winter"

So here's the thing. This guy is not actually a historian from the future but a thief from the past who happened to steal the time machine from a historian from the future so now he has used the future historians time machine to go from the past to the future in order to steal artifacts from the Enterprise and bring them back to the past so he can reverse engineer them and become rich in the future. Sound kind of stupid? It is. At least it had Max Headroom in it.

109 down 70 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 109 - Unification II

Spock is on a mission of "cowboy diplomacy" to reunify Vulcan and Romulus. There are a good amount of Romulans that are working towards this goal as well, but there are others that are bent on destroying Vulcan ... Denise Crosby I'm looking at you. Spock, Data and Picard try to thwart these plans.

Meanwhile Riker and crew are tracking down the disappearance of old Vulcan ships. They discover that Ferengi's have sold them to Romulans. So basically the plot is all coming together. In conclusion, just watch this shit. It's good. Nimoy is awesome. Also, It has the greatest ending scene in all of TNG. Spock mind melds with Picard to catch a glimpse of Sarek revealing his love for Spock. Fan-fucking-tastic

108 down 71 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 108 - Unification I

I wish I wasn't such an idiot. Unification deserves to be reviewed correctly and I just can't do it. These episodes are just that good. They could have made a movie out of this two-parter, no question about it. Great plot, great acting, great effects.

Ambassador Spock is missing. Picard goes to see Sarek (who is in the process of dying). Sarek suggests that Spock is on Romulus. Just before Sarek dies, he tells Picard that he loves his son. So, Piacrd and Data head to Romulus disguised as Romulans. They are onboard a cloaked Klingon ship in order to sneak through the neutral zone. Would any of this actually work? I doubt it. But who cares.

Of course once on Romulus Picard and Data are easily detected. Why? Well because one of them is a fucking robot and the other has a British accent. They are taken to a cave where they discover .... Spock.

So in the beginning credits it said that Stephen Root was in this episode. So I paid close attention to see if I could find him. And I couldn't. I figured he would play the same crazy Texan that he always plays, Jimmy James, Bill from King of the Hill etc. I had to look it up when the episode ended, and come to find out that he played the Klingon Commander! .... and a damn good one too. This had to be his greatest role ever. Bravo Stephen Root.

107 down 72 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 107 - The Game

I guess you would consider this a "cute" episode. Wesley returns from the Academy only to find everybody getting high from a video game. Only him and his love interest Robin are unaffected, they must find a way to make everything back to normal. This Robin girl is sooooo friggin cute. I could not stop staring at her like a total creep. No wonder, it's a young Ashley Judd. This episode was stupid, but I liked it.

106 down 74 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 106 - Disaster

This was a great episode. Well constructed and well acted. Basically, The Enterprise loses power and everyone is trapped in different locations, completely cut off from each other. The genius behind this episode is that everyone is paired off in very unlikely combinations. Picard is trapped in a turbo-lift with three young children and as always Jean-Luc is completely out of his element around kids. Troi, Miles O'Brien and Ro end up on the bridge, with Troi being in command. Riker and Data are in the Jefferies Tube. Crusher and LaForge are in the cargo bay and meanwhile in Ten Forward Worf is delivering Keiko's baby ... which is hilarious.

105 down 74 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 105 - Silicon Avatar

"The crew, with the help of a scientist whose son lived on Data's home world, attempt to communicate with the Crystalline Entity. "

I'm not a big fan of the Crystalline Entity. I can't really get into a villain that is ... well a Crystal. Except maybe the villain to all country music Crystal Gayle. Anyway, the Enterprise is close to communicating with the Entity when this scientist lady (distraught over the death of her son at the hands of this entity) destroys the being. She basically presses two buttons on the console and takes total control of the ship. I hate when that happens ... why is it always so easy! "Oh no we have no way to stop her, she locked the computers" Come on now.

104 down 75 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 104 - Ensign Ro

"After an attack on a Federation outpost, Picard is sent to locate a Bajoran terrorist, with the help of Ensign Ro Laren."

This is the first episode with Ro Laren. She is so hot ... and so bitchy ... which is so hot. This was a solid episode. It had a great dynamic between Ro and Picard, as well as an appearance by the Cardassians, whom I do like as a character.

Yet. I could not stop thinking about the first scene of the episode. It has Picard getting a hair cut from a barber. OK. First of all. Picard is bald. Secondly, a barber? Really? I mean, the invented the Flobee in like the 1980's, they can replicate food ... why do the physically need a person to cut hair? Also, Riker comments that he is considered the best barber in Starfleet ... fucking really?!?!?

One more comment. I noticed that many times other alien races give the Enterprise "One Hour" to surrender or whatever. Wouldn't one hour be different for every race. One hour to people from Earth wouldn't be the same amount of time to someone from a different planet.

ST TNG: 103 down 76 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 103 - Darmuk

"Picard must learn to communicate with an alien captain who speaks in metaphors before a dangerous beast kills them both"

This was a very interesting and creative episode. The Enterprise meets up with a new race. The Universal Translator can't understand them.  For some reason the Captain of the ship takes Picard to a planet with him to fight a beast .... I guess the reason for this was for them to bond or something. Picard must understand him in order to survive. The race speaks in metaphor based on their own mythology. There is an awesome scene in which Picard tells the captain the story of Gilgamesh. Excellent acting by the great Paul Winfield and also an appearance by Ashley Judd as an ensign.

ST TNG: 102 down 77 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 102 - Redemption II

SEASON 5

So yes indeed this is the episode in which Tasha Yar's half Romulan daughter from the future comes back to annoy Picard. Also, it literally IS Tasha Yar because they use the same actress. Do I even have to say anymore. I stopped caring about the entire Klingon plot because I couldn't stop obsessing over how ludicrous and pointless this Yar plot twist was.

The only saving grace was the minor plot in which a developer tries to bulldoze a community recreation center and the local breakdancers try to stop it.

ST TNG: 101 down 78 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 101 - Redemption

While it wasn't a bad episode (in fact I found it enjoyable), I would say that this was a weird one to end Season 4 on. It hardly ends with a cliff hanger. Worf leaves Starfleet to join Gowron in order to prevent a Klingon Civil War. He regains his family's honor. ,,,and also there are these two Female Klingon prostitutes that I actually found very sexy. Picard was awesome (as always) in his role as bipartisan negotiator. But, I don't know, it just didn't have that season finale feel to it.

So anyway, I saw this thing on Yahoo ... a list of the greatest TV theme songs of all time. These are my top 5. I think only one made it on that list.

5. Hawaii 5-0
4. F-Troop
3. Night Court
2. Simon and Simon
1. The Fall Guy

ST TNG: 100 down 79 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 100 - In Theory

Data seeks a romantic relationship with a female crew member. This episode was Directed by Patrick Stewart and the reviews on it are generally mixed, but I really enjoyed it. I loved when Data was trying to seek romance tips from various crew members and Riker was like "Just show up to her room naked from the waist down, that's what I do".

Really though, what's wrong with this lady. She is not bad looking, why the hell would she want a relationship with a robot? Maybe just for sex, because obviously she knows Data doesn't have emotions. A great scene is when she is trying to explain that sometimes when she says not to do something, she really means to do it. That shit will even confuse an android

ST TNG: 99 down 80 to go .

Star Trek TNG: Episode 99 - The Mind's Eye

Geordi is brainwashed by the Romulans with the aid of a Klingon traitor. His goal is to assassinate a Klingon Governor in order to prevent the Federation from interfering in a war ... or something. Anyway, this all occurs while Geordi is taking a shuttlecraft ... alone ... through space ... going to Risa for vacation... why would this happen??? He gets abducted by Romulans and brainwashed, they send signals through Geordi's visor in order to give him orders. A Geordi imposter is then sent to Risa. Because most Romulan ships have a black guy on hand for just this occasion.

The Romulans then implant fake memories of his vacation into his mind. Very "Total Recall". LaForge seems normal while back onboard the Enterprise until the brainwashing beam is sent to his visor ... then he turns into Reggie Jackson in Naked Gun. This episode has actor John Fleck in it, who according to his Wikipedia page "also appears in Howard The Duck, Waterworld and the ZZ Top music video Legs" ... what a resume.

I actually enjoyed this episode. Picture "National Lampoons Vacation meets Total Recall meets Naked Gun meets Roots meets Ray Charles meets 2001 A Space Odessey meets Dorf On Golf"

ST TNG: 98 down 81 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 98 - The Host

Its happened so far in every series that I have watched, so it was inevitable...I have hit the Star Trek wall. I'm literally depressed by watching these episodes. I'm sure this episode may have been good, and I know that it's a significant episode for it's effort to bring gender identity into light ... but it just annoyed the shit out of me. I mean just look at this picture...

Fuck this asshole.


ST TNG: 97 down 82 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 97 - Half A Life

As much as I can't stand Lwaxana Troi, this episode wasn't so bad. Sure she is annoying as hell and looks more like a horribly aging Leonard Nimoy than a gracefully aging Majel Barrett ... but the rest of the cast carries this one and I guess she didn't completely suck.

The Enterprise is helping Timicin revive a dying sun using photons. Lwaxana is on the ship and gets her Depends in a bunch over this guy. Unfortunately on his planet once you turn 60 years you have to kill yourself. So he must go home to die. Lwaxana wants him to live, but he bides by his culture and Picard will not interfere. Troi is by his side as he shits the bed.
 

ST TNG: 96 down 83 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 96 - The Drumhead

This episode was directed by Johnathan Frakes. It was pretty good, not great. When a Klingon saboteur is discovered on the ship, it sets in motion a witch hunt. A poor engineer ends up on trial accused of sabotage by a crazed old woman Admiral (who overacts like fucking crazy may I add).

The coolest thing about this episode is the way that the Klingon saboteur transported the stolen data. He used a modified syringe, entered the data into it, the data was then held in cells which were then injected into the body. Exactly how the data gets extracted I have no idea ... but I'm guessing semen.

ST TNG: 95 down 84 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 95 - Qpid

For an episode that makes no sense and is a giant Robin Hood parody, I actually liked it. It was very well done. Although I still don't understand why Q continuously wastes his timer with insignificant things such as playing dress up with Picard and crew.

Q is always fun, so I can't complain too much. But, is it necessary for the all powerful Q to use his magnificance in order to tests Picard's love for some woman. The crazy part is that at the end, after Picard saves her life, she ends up leaving with Q! Now thats a playa.

ST TNG: 94 down 85 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 94 - The Nth Degree

"After an encounter with an alien probe Barclay experiences great leaps in confidence and intelligence."

Finally! Some good pop culture in TNG. The episode begins with Dr. Crusher and Lt. Barclay performing a skit from the movie Roxanne starring Steve Martin and it is .... what? .... Cyrano who? ... Cyrano de Bergerac! Oh hell.

Don't they have Playstation or XBox on this ship.

Remember that episode about that shy Lt. named Barcaly? Yeah I sort of did to. Well, he's back ... for some reason. Now he gets taken over by a super smart being and becomes, well .. super smart. At least this episode had some good guest stars, including Albert Einstein, the daughter of Gen. Bernard Trainer, some guy that was in The Last Star Fighter and the dude that did the voice of Captain Planet .... the power is yours!

ST TNG: 93 down 86 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 93 - Identity Crisis

"Geordi transforms into an alien creature with strong instinct to return to its planet of origin."

The concept for this one is pretty interesting, but I'm just a bit Geordi'd out right now. Again we have to watch as he is "just friends" with another woman. Him and the lady are the only two members left from a 5-man away mission back when he served on the Victory. The other three have gone crazy or something. I don't know. What has happened is that they a have been infected by alien hosts. These hosts are changing their DNA and turning them into ... aliens.

There is a scene in which Geordi reenacts the away mission on the holodeck. He tries to figure out what happened that day. One by one he has the computer eliminate each person until there is only him and um the camera man?? left (I'll get to that). He notices there are three shadows on the wall, even though there are only two people. I must say, this actually freaked me out for some reason.

OK, now this is sort of stupid. Evidently away missions have a camera man. Like seriously, they have a guy that follows the team around and films??? I get that they would want to document everything but they haven't figured out a better way? It's depressing to know that even in the future we will still have reality tv.

Oh, and this episode has a guest spot from the then current Miss Universe, she plays an ensign.

ST TNG: 92 down 87 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 92 - Night Terrors

Can take or leave it. The Enterprise discover a Betazoid ship in which everyone has killed themselves/each other. Except for one guy who is in a catatonic state. Soon everyone on the Enterprise is getting irritated with each other ... turns out this is do some kind of sleep deprivation being caused by god knows what. Not a great episode. Deanna Troi's dream sequences are so badly directed with terrible special effects. The effects in that silent film of a giant moon face, in which a rocket hits it's eyeball. Whatever. And also this episode has Brian Tochi in it.

ST TNG: 91 down 88 to go