Mugato's Review

On this episode of Mugato's Review i'll be looking at board games. Remember those things? Before video games and good solid hardcore porn? People just don't get together anymore and play these things. Here are some of my favs and least....favs. Whatever. I seriously spent way to much effort on this.


Clue - Liked this game back in the day, but I recently played it and it ain't so great. Although I LOOOVED the movie, especially when they shoot the singing tell-a-gram lady. A "who done it" game, who, where and with what. It was "OJ, with a Knife, in the Side yard!". B-

Operation - Just down right disturbing. A game about operating on someone? Seriously this game is too hard, my hands shake like Michael J Fox. The board itself is a piece of shit and you lose all the little pieces. Why does this guy have a bucket in his knee....and a friggin horse in his leg! What happened!!! They need to upgrade this game so that you can remove cancer from the dudes ballsack. C

Battle Ship - I always liked this game. It's been years since I played it, maybe it sucks...who knows? Electronic is better than the regular version, and a strategy game for kids that involves theoretically killing thousands of crewmen is pretty sweet. I'd always cheat and say "Miss" when it was really a "Hit" and then when I got caught I'd say "I'm not playing anymore!!!". I remember when my little brother almost chocked to death on one of those pegs....hahahahahahahaha....memories. B+

Pictionary - Interactive games suck. This game involves getting too personal with people....like Twister....but not at all. There's alway that dick that can't draw for shit. "What the fuck is that?" "IT WAS A MAILBOX!" .... "It looks like Pac-Man eating a fuckin baby???" F

Perfection - This game is horrid. That dude in the commercial with plastic Jay Leno chin was terribly creepy singing "Pop goes Perfection!". Nothing gave you more of an anxiety attack then when that friggin thing popped up. In the 6th grade Science Fair I had to do something on the atomic bomb. So I got Perfection and put army guys on it and set it off, then my pitch was this "...um yeah, thats what happened when the bomb hit Japan." Seriously that was the worst day of my life. F

Mouse Trap - To tell you the truth, I just used this game as a base for my GI Joes. I really don't have any clue how to play it, it seemed like alot of effort to set up though. INCOMPLETE


Monopoly - One of the best ideas for a game ever. It keeps me interested, at least for the first hour. Then you just want to lose and get it over with. There's always that one kid that attempts to rob the bank and there's also the one that wants to be a loan shark when you run low on cash. If only you had a Get Out of Jail Card in real life. "I sentence you to life in prison for the murder of Lacy Peterson" .... "....yeah um, your honor, you see I got this card thing" Trump was pretty much a Monopoly a rip off too. A-

Simon - What the fuck is this? Never understood it really. The commercials where so condesending, "Can you handle Simon?"...."Can you!" . Screw you, get a life. It's almost as bad as Bop-It. F


Life - I really hate this game. No joke, everytime I played this game my life turned out horribly. "Your a 40 year old, drug addicted, AIDs patient" ...... "So.....did I win??" D



Trivial Pursuit - Your simple trivia game, but damn fun and damn hard! Who knows "What year Emperor Constantine I rebuilt Byzantium?" AD 330 of course! .......like I didn't just look that up right? I can't seem to find the orginal Pursuit, it's all gimmicky shit now. A+


Risk - Greatest strategy game ever, hands down. Basically you just defeat everyones army and take over the world. Only negative is that it takes like a week to play. I really suck at it too, i always end up with the Northwest Territory and Madagascar. When I was a little tyke my friend and I got into a fight over who was gonna be Hitler, We planned to stay up all night to play Risk and watched Morton Downey Jr., true story. Another good strategy game is CONQUEST OF THE EMPIRE. A-

Candy Land/Chutes and Ladders - Same gay ass game, in my mind. I know it's for kids and shit, but these games blow. I always thought it was Shoots and Ladders.....you get all the way to the friggin top and then you land on the chute that takes you back to the start.....i wanted to kill myself when that happened. I got the same rage that I would get everytime I lost at Super Mario 1 ..... "FUCK!!! (smash the controller)" .... (yell at my sister) "You where talking!!!! You made me lose" ..... (cry) .... (smack myself in the face) ..... And that was 2 days ago! F

Connect Four - I actually like this game, it's tic-tac-toe on a rack. Get four chips in a row and you win. The commercial pissed me off, with the little bitch "I Win" .... "What? You bitch. What are you rubbing it my face or something? Fuck you!" B+


Hungry Hungry Hippos - Lots of hype, and a huge let down. Looks cool, especially on the commercial. "Yeah! Hippos! Hungry ones to boot! Eating Stuff! Yeoow!" It's really dumb though. In the arcade it ain't so bad, but at home it's a bit lame. Why the 2 Hungry's? C


Parchese/Trouble/Sorry - It's all the same. Same typical board game setup and same boring premise. Screw the pop-o-matic bobble, "Sor-ry" ... shut up jerk-face!, I played Parchese with my grandmother ... nuff said. F


Scrabble/Boggle - Same thing, but it's a fun game. I really can't spell well, but I still have fun with this kind of game. My super cool high school friends and I used to play our own version called Star Trek Scrabble, you can only use Star Trek related words. It was pretty gay. PS: Fuck Yahtzee A

Stratego - Extreme checkers, knock-off chess. This is actually one of my favs. It's Risk-light, it puts faces to your plain old black and red checker pieces and it has chess-like piece manuevers. Fun game, at one point in my life I actually remember betting on Stratego games. A-

Amazing if your playing with chicks. Not cool at all if your playing with dudes. INCOMPLETE



Key To The Kingdom Game - Lots of people don't remember this one. It was kind of like a Dungeons and Dragons board game (yet I hated the actual D&D board game). You travel around the Kingdom and search for the Golden Key and you fight monsters. It was cool that there was 6 different play areas on the board. Honestly it was a good game, but there was way to many pieces to it. Heros Quest was also decent. B

Spinjas - Mutha-F'n Spinja's Biatch! Holly molly, what a kick-ass game. First you have a Battle Stadium, then take cool figures with names like "Gore" and "Mangle" and you attach the to spinning tops. You put them in a launcher and send em spinning and brawling in the pit of the stadium! So basic, but so fun. The cool thing was that you could purchase additional spinjas seperately and build your own team. It's funny when the tops just spin and spin but never touch and they keep going till one finally gives out....it's so funny. A few months ago me and Captain Naps played this game for like an hour, it was neato. A

Weapons and Warriors - Not technically a "board" game, but one of the best games ever! You have actually working catapults and bows that shoot marbles. Yo have to destroy the other persons castle by knocking off various pieces. Watch out for the catapults though because the marble flies very quickly and very far....I purpously shot myself in the face with it, just to see what it felt like and it split my lip. Hmmm, evidently this game came in 1994, which would make me way to old to be doing that. A

Mid-Life Crisis - My parents had this game in the 80's. Now I understand why! Here's the official OBJECT: Get through your middle years with more money, less stress, and fewer divorce points than your opponents. Or to declare a mid-life crisis, in which case you must go broke, get divorced, and crack up before anyone else reached the end of the game. It's the game of Life in Bizarro world. B

Most Disturbing Game Name - POOH PARTY GAME. Sure it's Winnie the Pooh, but read this little write up from a website. "Buy quality Pooh Game online. If you're a fan of Pooh Game, you'll love the selection. Click now and have your Pooh Game on the way today. ... Looking for just the right Pooh Game online? Now your Game is available from our favorite Pooh shop ... High quality Pooh Game, easy secure online ordering, and great customer service." I'm gonna puke.

Biggest Waste of Money - BLOOD BOWL. It's a football board game, except instead of humans it's Ogre's. It cost like $50 ten years ago, and I always wanted it. Now I realize it's gay. They still have tournaments, much like Magic the Gathering. My life isn't THAT depressing.


Worst game ever - BIBLE BASEBALL. The day before I dropped out of Sunday School, they broke out this little gem. I'm not even gonna explain it.

Well thats It! I'm glad I wasted your time.