Star Trek DS9 Episode 15 - Progress

The Federation is helping Bajor tap into the core of one of its moons. Somehow this will release much needed electricity for Bajoran use. It will also release toxic gas that will kill anyone on the moon. There are humanoid inhabitants living here and they have been ordered to leave. Kira is sent to help remove the last remaining farmer, who is determined to stay. She begins to sympathize with him, but in the end she is reminded by Sisko that she has a duty ... and she burns down the guys home! What the hell is up with this episode? Is the Federation some kind of Totalitarian Government?? Forcing people from their homes for the sake of government projects is just garbage. I am guessing that most common people typically dislike the idea of imminent domain, but it seems like this episode was trying to point out that sometimes its necessary for the government to kick you out of your home and burn it down. Also the guy just wants to die, so just let him die! Stop controlling everything. Friggin' Federation. Also the name of the episode, Progress? Literally, zero progress made in this episode.


15 down and 161 to go

Star Trek DS9 Episode 14 - The Storyteller

You got two plots going on here. One on DS9 involves Nog trying to get into some girls pants. (I actually like Nog, the kid is a good actor). The second one involves Bashir and Miles. They are down on this planet, every once in a while some cloud monster shows up and kills people in the village ... in fact it's sort of like that movie The Village. The only way to stop it is by telling it a story. So the king is about to tell the story and but he dies, before he croaks he tells the story to Miles who then recites it and saves everyone. They make him king. He is highly annoyed. The episode was not great, but it did have a very TOS feel to it which I enjoyed.


14 down and 162 to go

Star Trek DS9 Episode 13 - Battle Lines

"The spiritual leader of Bajor, Kai Opaka, travels with Sisko on a trip to the Gamma Quadrant but is stranded with him on a world where the dead are resurrected."


I hate looking at Kai Opaka, she is so disturbing looking. She gets stranded on this planet with Sisko and some others. They drop right in the middle of a war between two peoples. The ironic thing is that nobody on this planet can die, so the war never ends. The best part of the episode was the performance of Jonathan Banks aka Mike from Breaking Bad. The funny things was that he played the part of this alien in the same way that he played the character Mike ... a tough guy with a New York accent???


13 down and 163 to go

Star Trek DS9 Episode 12 - Vortex

"Odo discovers he may not be the only one of his kind when a visitor from the Gamma Quadrant claims he can contact Odo's people."

This visitor shows up on the space station, kills a guy and steals a "shape shifting" piece of material. He convinces Odo that he knows where others like him are, so Odo ends up going with him to a planet where this visitor uses the device too free his daughter from captivity. Instead of taking the guy to space prison for murder, Odo lets him escape.

I swear that on Star Trek they have met many shape shifters throughout all of the series. Why is Odo such a mystery? I just don't get it.

12 down and 164 to go

Star Trek DS9 Episode 11 - The Nagus

Yeah, another Quark episode. I love the character but I hope they don't wear him out in season one. This episode was funny funny stuff. I would watch a Ferengi spin off of this group, its like the Three Stooges but not as ugly. The only thing is that, in this episode it is horribly evident that the Ferengi are supposed to be a Jewish stereotype. It seriously seems very Anti-Semitic. Anyway, funny stuff.


Quark gets named the Grand Nagus (head of all Ferengi) and his brother Rom tries to kill him. In the end Quark wasn't really named Nagus, it was all sham and he ends up actually respecting his brother Rom.


Rom is another good character, he is such a friggin dope. They do a really cool scene where they mimic the opening to The Godfather.


11 down and 165 to go

Star Trek DS9 Episode 10 - Move Along Home

"Quark is forced to play a game by the Wadi, a newly encountered species, and the lives of the crew depend on the outcome. "


This episode was awesome. Only because I love the movie Jumanji and this episode was basically Jumanji in space. So Quark is stuck playing this game and the crew are trapped as pawns. One bad move and it could be death for Sisko and the others. Quark begins to crack under the pressure and finally has a nervous breakdown, which is pretty funny. In the end he loses the game and his players all "die", but not really because it was only a game. Anyway, I thought this episode was a lot of fun.


10 down and 166 to go

Star Trek DS9 Episode 9 - The Passenger

A criminal entity hides in the body of Dr. Bashir. There is a Guard that is tracking this criminal and she follows him to DS9, but loses track when he hides within the Doctors mind. Quark is dealing with this criminal trying to help him escape...not because Quark is malicious but because he is greedy. Just when you think Quark is on the side of the good guys, he always shows his true colors. Anyway, in the end the extract the criminals consciousness from Bashir and destroy it.

9 down and 167 to go

Star Trek DS9 Episode 8 - Dax

This episode got me thinking about Dax. How does this Dax symbiant thing work? Do they jump into new hosts, or they create their own new bodies? Like was Jadzia Dax just some woman named Jadzia at one point ... like a cleaning lady at a space motel or something?

So in this episode, Dax is accused of a murder that happened back when she was a man Curzon Dax (who was best friends with Sisko at the time). Curzon had an affair with a military generals wife and suddenly the man ends up dead. A group of aliens try to take Dax into custody, but Sisko orders a hearing first. He argues that Dax cannot be charged with the crime because THIS Dax is not that DAX, they are two different beings. I'm not sure I agree. It's still the same symbiant, just with a different skin right? I mean if this is true then Dax could commit a million crimes in this body and then just change hosts and she would be immune from the law.

It's a moot point anyway because the general guy basically ended up killing himself.

8 down and 168 to go

Star Trek DS9 Episode 7 - Q-Less

Is Q Less a pun? If it is, I can't figure it out. Anyway, this episode is a bit weird but it's entertaining. It involves Picard's former girlfriend Vash (who appeared in a few TNG episodes) ... it seems that Q is in love with her or something. So he follows her onto the ship and causes trouble. Meanwhile Quark teams up with Vash to sell some crystals. Then Q boxes with Sisko. It's just crazy, but Q is fun and Quark is hilarious in this episode. Also, it's so weird to see Sisko this skinny and with hair.


7 down and 169 to go

Star Trek DS9 Episode 6 - Captive Pursuit

I do no recall seeing this episode before, but it may now be one of my favorites. It was excellent.


DS9 gets their first contact through the wormhole with a being from the Gamma Quadrant. His ship is in distress and they take him in for repairs. He is only to be known as Tosk and Miles quickly befriends him. They did a really good job on the Tosk character, for once an alien actually looks cool. Also the actor played the part perfectly, the character was mysterious but likable. Finally! Miles O'Brien gets to show some range, he is not just the boring transporter guy from TNG any longer. He is gruff and irritable, but can also be a caring dude.


When another ship shows up seeking Tosk, the real plot becomes evident. Tosk is the prey in an intergalactic hunt and now the hunters have caught him. They are very disappointed with the outcome because it wasn't very entertaining. They are supposed to catch and kill him, not retrieve him from a space station. Miles tries to save Tosk by granting him asylum, but Tosk refuses. Their culture is very different than us humans. Tosk has been bred to be the hunted in this game, and in fact, that is the highest honor in his society. He was basically born to die. Tosk is actually ashamed that the hunt would end this way ... so, Miles helps him escape and the hunt continues.


6 down and 170 to go

Star Trek DS9 Episode 5 - Babel

Miles O'Brien accidentally unleashes an old booby-trap while fixing a replicator. The Bajoran terrorists placed this virus in the system 18 years prior, now it is infecting everyone on the station. They start speaking in Shakespearean nonsense...and eventually die. Bashir, Sisko and Kira work together to solve the problem. Meanwhile a visiting ship is about to explode and destroy the station...Quark and Odo work together to stop the destruction of DS9. The episode was a bit crazy and seemed rather forced, but let me just say that the dynamic between Odo and Quark was excellent. Watching these two interact with each other will be lots of fun going forward.

5 down and 171 to go

Star Trek DS9 Episode 4 - A Man Alone

At this point, there are many new faces on DS9 due to the wormhole. A Bajoran outlaw named Ibudan shows and up and immediately Odo tries to arrest him. Sisko puts an end to it stating that Ibudan has not broken any laws here. Soon Ibudan is found dead and Odo is blamed for the death. The next scene is fantastic ... the civilian population turns against Odo and chase him into a room where Odo locks the door. The entire crowd is chanting insults at the shape shifter (basically they are just saying "shifter" over and over again) and the look of panic on Odo's face is frightening. I actually started to feel really bad for him.

Dr. Bashir figures out that Ibudan created a clone of himself and it was the clone that was dead. It was just a big plan to frame Odo. So eventually Odo arrests the Bajoran outlaw for clone murder.

Side plot: Keiko and O'Brien are arguing over Keiko's unhappiness of living on the space station.

4 down and 172 to go

Star Trek DS9 Episode 3 - Past Prologue

The big thing about this episode is that it introduces the character of Garak. He is a former Cardassian spy that had worked for one of the most feared groups in the Cardassian intelligence community ... and now he owns a clothing store. That is sort of dumb, but it doesn't matter because Andrew Robinson does such a good job. Garak is a fun and mysterious character and it adds a well needed element to the somewhat drab crew.

The rest of this episode revolves around Kira questioning her allegiance when a Bajoran defector (and fellow former terrorist) seeks asylum on DS9. The Cardassians are hot on his trail. Meanwhile the Duras Sisters arrive on the station and Garak (along with a little help from Dr. Bashir) uncover a plot for the two Klingons to sell a bomb to the Bajoran defector. His plan is to destroy the wormhole, but Sisko and O'Brien set up a sting operation and capture him. It was like Miami Vice except with a darker Tubbs and a human troll doll instead of Crockett.

3 down and 173 to go

Star Trek DS9 Episode 2 - Emissary Pt. 2

So after Sisko gets that weird orb from that old lady, he has Odo check it out and they find that it came from an anomalous area of space close by. Sisko and Dax take a shuttlecraft to this area. Now here is where the bread and butter of this show comes into existence. They discover the first ever stable worm hole. Inside the worm hole are these life forms. They take Sisko and probe his memory in an effort to understand humans. He is subjected to relive memories of his wife, and although painful he realizes that it is time to let go.

Meanwhile all of this activity has peeked the interest of the evil Cardassian (and ousted commander of DS9) Gul Dukat. He decides to enter the wormhole as well. When he fails to come back out, the Cardassians fear that he has been killed by the Federation and they proceed to attack the shit out of DS9. This was a great scene. Usually during these attack scenes the ship will shake and some sparks will fly. Not in this episode, there was literally giant firey holes getting blown into the station. It was awesome.

Basically in the end Sisko works out a deal with the life forms to allow ships to pass through unopposed. He also decides to accept the Commander position.
2 down and 174 to go

Star Trek DS9 Episode 1 - Emissary Pt. 1

"A new crew is assigned to a former Cardassian space station: Deep Space Nine. It is a joint Federation/Bajoran force, with Commander Sisko in charge, but his life is dramatically changed when he is declared the Emissary to the Prophets by a Bajoran priest. "

Here we go, the start of Star Trek Deep Space Nine. As far as first episodes go, this one was pretty good. Its basically just about Sisko getting his assignment to run the defunct (and run down) Deep Space Nine Space station. We slowly get to meet the crew and some painful memories from Sisko's past start to creep up.

It starts off with Ben Sisko as Captain of the USS Saratoga during the Borg attack at Wolf 359. His ship is destroyed and he is able to save his son Jake, but his wife dies. For this he blames Captain Picard (and rightfully so), he also is considering not taking this new post and leaving Starfleet.


Like I said, we start to meet the main characters at this point and here are my first impressions.

Benjamin Sisko - I love this guy. Not only is he probably the toughest of the Star Trek captains but Avery Brooks may be one of the best actors to star in a Trek series. It's weird to see him smiling so much in this first episode though.

Jake Sisko - Typically Star Trek has a terrible track record with child actors. They mostly suck and are annoying. But, I actually find Cirroc Lofton to be a solid actor ... and he is the nephew of baseball great Kenny Lofton.

Kira Nerys - Hate this character, such a bitch. But then again maybe we are supposed to hate her. She is kind of cute though.

Odo - Love Odo, one of my absolute favorites. Rene Auberjonois is a great actor.

Dax - Hard to not like Dax, she is smart and sexy. Too bad they eventually ruin the character by making her attracted to Worf.

Dr. Bashir - First impression, he annoys the shit out of me. But, maybe the character gets better.

Miles O'Brien - It's funny because Miles is always just a bland character, yet he managed to span two entire series. On the hand, Colm Meaney is one of my favorite actors and everything that he has done outside of Star Trek is amazing.

Quark - Quark is awesome. He is one of my top five favorite Trek characters ... even though his face looks like the inside of a dogs ear.

1 down and 175 to go

Star Trek Into Darkness

The problem with most movies these days, is that it is all action and not much plot. Plus the dialogue is so low and the action is so loud that I spend half the movie messing with the volume. Anyway, this movie at least had an okay plot. It involves Klingons and Khan, that's enough right there to get me watching. The visuals were extraordinary, the cast was great and the entertainment factor was high.


After watching TNG and seeing how many times the series used the premise of "alternate universes", I was able to buy into this concept a little bit more this time around. I did enjoy the first movie, but I was able to get into the second one much more. It's not the best movie and it pales in comparison to all of the other Star Trek films (just because for a Star Trek movie...it is not very "Star Trek"), but it's a fun watch.


The premise was not very complicated. It just boils down to Kirk stopping Khan from causing havoc. Still, the scene at the end with Khan crashing the Enterprise into San Francisco was pretty damn cool. So anyway, that's it, a decent film but not Earth shattering ... well maybe a little.


Interesting note: Bill Hader, Chris Hemsworth and Jennifer Morrison all have small voice over spots in the film.

Star Trek: The Next Generation Wrap-Up

I can't believe I actually finished watching all seven seasons of TNG. I started watching on May 12 2012 so it almost took me two years to do this. There were a few times that I almost gave up, many times that I had gotten worn out, but each time I pushed on. Now I know what it feels like to complete a triathlon or finish the Tour de France or survive multiple tours in Vietnam. I can completely sympathize with Vietnam Vets.


Overall, Next Generation is an amazing show. Great actors, interesting plots and solid directing. Sometimes I can get down on the show, but don't listen to me, I'm just a miserable creature....in reality Next Gen is possibly one of the ten greatest TV series of all time.


I did learn a few things along the way. For one, I hate Worf and for two, Q is annoying. This was a revelation because for many years I assumed that I had loved both characters. Not so much. Picard, Geordi and Data are still three of my favorite characters in all of Star Trek. Also, Troi really is as hot as I remembered her and Riker is still one cool cat. One of the best moves that Star Trek could have ever made was taking the idea that the Ferengi were some kind of evil villain and completely transforming them into a civilization of scam artists. This was a brilliant move. It is such an original "bad guy" character and they make me laugh every time.


Seeing the Enterprise D always gives me a nostalgic feeling, I remember being a teen and having the toy of it hanging from my bedroom ceiling. It reminds me of being in High School and reading the Star Trek Encyclopedia during class, a book that I had stolen from one of my friends. One day we were hanging out in his bedroom and I stuffed the book under my shirt and left.....seriously I am the worst friend ever.


Anyway, that was an interesting experience. I must admit that I am nervous about Deep Space 9 because I had only watched that show sparingly when it came out. I know many people love it, so I am hoping that it can keep my attention. We shall see.

Star Trek TNG: Episode 179 - All Good Things... Pt. 2

....so, in the future there seems to be a "getting the band back together" scenario going on. Picard and Geordi go and pickup Data (a college professor??), then they go on Crusher's starship, then they pick up Worf (a Klingon governor) and finally hook up with Captain William Riker .... btw Troi is dead.


Anyway, Picard guides all three ships into a similar scenario...two ships survive but the future Enterprise is destroyed. Picard fails. In the end Q is impressed that Picard could simultaneously troubleshoot in the three different timelines so he decides to let humanity live.


Listen, is it the best plot? No. Is it the best finale ever? No. Is it even the best TNG episode? No. Was I happy that the entire series ended with a Q episode? Not at all. But damn it was fun and very very interesting. I will miss some of these characters; mainly Picard, Data, Riker and Geordi. Makes me a bit sad. Oh well, on to DS9.


179 down 0 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 178 - All Good Things... Pt. 1

Damn, so it's the season finale. Never thought I would see the day. And as finale's go, this one is pretty good. The plot was very engaging and the filming of this episode was phenomenal.


The entire series ends up back at square one, The Encounter at Farpoint. Picard is simultaneously living in the past, present and future. In the past he is back at Farpoint with Q. Q explains that the "test" is still going on and this is the final judgment. For once, I actually enjoyed Q because he wasn't a total goofball...he was actually really really evil.


The test involves Picard making the correct choice in a scenario involving an anomaly. But, he must do this in three different time frames. The past (basically episode 1), the present (episode 178) and future Picard as an old man on a starship piloted by his ex-wife Bev Crusher.


178 down 1 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 177 - Preemptive Strike

"Ro Laren finds her loyalties divided between Starfleet and a group of Bajoran resistance fighters who oppose the Cardassian Union"


Why would Picard ask Ro (who is currently court-martialed) to go undercover and infiltrate the Bajorans (of which she is one of them) and help the Cardsassians (who she hates). Do you see where this could possibly go wrong? Regardless, I was still a little surprised when Ro Laren screws over Picard and decides to stay with the resistance fighters and fight against the Cardassians.


177 down 2 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 176 - Emergence

These holodeck themed episodes have run its course about two seasons ago, but this one was pretty good. The Enterprise takes over the holodeck and turns it into the Orient Express. Also it seems to be putting itself into warp etc. Well, it seems that the ket to this mystery is inside the Orient Express...so the crew go into the holodeck to play out the program. Data and Geordi t discover that the Enterprise is generating it's own nodes, similar to a human brain. Data figures that the ship is trying to come alive. They let the Orient Express program finish and a new lifeform is created. The creature then leaves out the cargo bay.

So exactly what the hell just happened in this episode? Hahaha, I have no fucking idea.

175 down 4 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 175 - Bloodlines

This is yet another one were the idea of it is decent, but the execution of it is just so flawed. The Ferengi Daimon Bok looks to get even with Picard for killing Bok's son a few years back. So, Bok gets a random kid and re-sequences his DNA to look like he is related to Picard....hmm, sort of dumb. Picard believes that he could possible be his illegitimate son because, well, Picard has bedded many a fine lady in his day. Bok then abducts Picard's "son" and threatens to kill him. But then Crusher figures out that it's not really Picard's son and the entire plot falls apart.


I will so however that the dynamic between Picard and his "Son" (a petty criminal) was rather interesting. Also, it was good to see Picard sort of take on the unexpected role as a father.


174 down 5 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 174 - Firstborn

"Worf is visited by a mysterious Klingon saying Worf's brother Kurn sent him to help Alexander grow into becoming a Klingon warrior."


The Klingon's name is K'mtar and he tries to train Alexander in the ways of a warrior. But Alexander just sucks at it. So basically in the end K'mtar tries to murder Alexander by stabbing him.


But that's not all!

K'mtar is actually Alexander from the future who has traveled back in time to prevent Worf from dying in the future by killing himself in the past!


Listen, it's a clever idea, but the overall plot is just sort of dumb.


173 down 6 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 173 - Journey's End

I feel that people may have thought this episode was dumb, but I really enjoyed it. The Federation is giving some planets back to Cardassian control, so Picard is asked to help move the Federation inhabitants off one of the worlds. The inhabitants are Native Americans that have left Earth to preserve their culture on a new planet. They do not want to leave and Picard is sort of seen as a white devil or something. History is repeating itself, with the Native Americans again being forced from their land.

Meanwhile, Wesley is back on board. He is questioning his future in Starfleet, he's kind of losing the passion for it. He is visited by a shaman that helps him see his future clearly. Wesley decides to help the Native's stay on their planet much to Picard's disappointment. Wesley then resigns from Starfleet and that "shaman" reveals himself as The Traveler. You may remember him from such episodes as 6 and such seasons as 1. Wesley decides to leave with the Traveler and and explore the universe. How homoerotic.

The Native Americans decide to leave the Federation and live under Cardassian control. The Cardassians allow them to stay and promise to leave them be. The moral of the story is, you have to fight for your right to look a gift horse in the mouth.

172 down 7 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 172 - Genises

And, Worf turns into a werewolf.

171 down 8 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 171 - Eye of the Beholder

I watched three episodes last night, so I will just post all three in a row. Here is the first one...

Well, I just didn't understand this episode. A crew member kills himself by jumping into a plasma field thingy. From what I understood, he killed himself because his girlfriend cheated on him...i think.

Anyway, Troi and Worf are asked to investigate this death. That's an odd pairing for an investigation you say? Yeah it is. This is because they are trying so hard to match them up, we already had a few episodes where they are an item in alternate universes and in dream sequences ... but this time its real. They actually get together and have sex. It makes zero sense and it makes me very annoyed. First we have Troi; personable, very nice and very beautiful and then we have Worf; gets along with nobody, is angry and violent, and looks like a human horseshoe crab. Why the fuck would they ever hook up???

170 down 9 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 170 - Masks

The Enterprise encounter a rogue comet that is in actuality an archive for a long extinct alien race. This archive begins to effect Data and causes him to act out the lives of every inhabitant from that race. While it was a decent idea on paper, it just didn't translate well to screen. In fact, this is the first time that I actually felt embarrassed for Brent Spiner. As Data, he has been asked to do some pretty goofy things...but this was just too much. If I had to listen to him say Masaka one more time....
And, for an episode named Masks ... not one appearance from Jim Carrey, Rocky Dennis or T-Bob.


169 down 10 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 169 - Thine Own Self

Great episode. Data is sent to a pre-industrial planet to retrieve a crashed probe. He suffers amnesia during an accident and ends up being found by the inhabitants. They think he is an "ice man" named Jayden and pretty much welcome him into their society. Data is then befriended by a little girl. But soon Data starts to prove to be far superior to the rest of the villagers and they start to become leery of him. Then they discover that he is robotic and the rest of the episode plays out like Frankenstein ... ending in the villagers killing Data. So basically this episode is Data becomes Frankenstein.


Eventually Data is recovered by the Enterprise and repaired.


Subplot involves Troi getting promoted to Commander.


168 down 11 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 168 - Lower Decks

"While enduring the Enterprise's promotion evaluation process, four junior officers find themselves involved in a top-secret mission."


This episode almost seems like a spin-off attempt. It is so heavily focused on these four officers that we do not even know. Basically one of them is going to get a promotion so they are all vying for that spot. For some reason Picard sends one of then (Silo Jax?) on a secret mission. Seems rather strange, but whatever. Anyway, she dies.

The episode was pretty good actually, and evidently it is an influential episode to future sci-fi TV writers...so I have read ....and I don't really see why.


167 down 12 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 167 - Sub Rosa

Dr. Crusher moves into a haunted house.

No lie.

166 down 13 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 166 - Homeward

I really enjoyed this episode. It involved Worf and his human brother Paul Sorvino (who was great). Paul Sorvino was on a primitive planet (seemed like the inhabitants were in the equivalent of Earths Dark Ages), anyway the planet was going to die so Paul wanted to save the people. Worf comes down in disguise to convince his brother that there is no good way to do it without revealing the existence of alien life to them. So, somehow, Paul Sorvino sneaks the entire population onto the ship and replicates their village in the holodeck. The plan then is to beam them down to a new planet without them even knowing.


The plan takes a bad turn when one of the villagers accidently exits the holodeck and ends up in the Enterprise hallway. Needless to say, his mind is fucking blown. After spending sometime with the crew, the villager seems to be somewhat adjusting to all of this. Then he kills himself.


In the end, the Enterprise beams the rest of the village down to a new planet and they never even know what happened.


The episode also has Penny Johnson in it, she was in DS9, 24 and now the show Castle.


165 down 14 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 165 - The Pegasus

"Riker's former Captain boards the Enterprise to retrieve the USS Pegasus. Picard investigates the circumstances of its loss and finds that there has been a cover-up." ... also the Romulan's seem to be heavily interested in the wreck of the Pegasus.


The cover-up involves Riker and his former Captain Pressman. Back on the Pegasus there had been a mutiny attempt, the crew had been concerned about Pressman's involvement with Romulan Cloaking Technology. Riker defended the Captain and aided in his escape, the crew all died when the Pegasus then exploded. In the end Riker does end up getting in trouble for this past incident, which is a good touch.


This episode was directed by LeVar Burton.


164 down 15 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 164 - Parallels

Worf is having a birthday party and suddenly he becomes aware that he is in an alternate universe. One in which Riker is Capt, Wes is Lt and Worf is married to Troi (which is just vile).


Worf manages to convince the crew that he is in the wrong universe, and they help him get back home.


I'm tired of these alternate universe episodes. Although, I kind of enjoyed Worf in this one, I like when he is out of his element.


163 down 16 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 163 - Inheritance

Not too much to say about this one. It involves Data's mother, who ends up being not really his mother but an android of his mother, but sort of really his mother because Dr. Soong did supply the robot with all of his late wife's memories, so yeah its basically his mother, but not really. Anyway Data finds out about this, but doesn't know if he should tell his "mother" that she is not real. Want to know the dramatic ending? Does he tell her? Does he not tell her? Well, you will just have to watch the episode yourself.


Fuck it, he doesn't tell her.


162 down 17 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 162 - Force of Nature

The plot to this one involves two scientists trying to prove that warp drive is harming the fabric of space...which they do indeed prove. The subplot involves Data trying to train his cat Spot, which is very funny. Spot is the such a terrible cat, it does not listen to anyone and seems to enjoy attacking Geordi.


It was not a great episode, but I guess it was significant in the Star Trek realm. This is because the Klingon and Federation agree to never go above Warp 5 except for in emergencies.


161 down 18 and life to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 161 - Attached

I just don't know about this one, it's pretty dumb. Picard and Beverly are taken hostage by the Kes and implants are put in their necks that keep them attached to other and also able to read each others thoughts. Why? Because they have to setup the plot involving Picard and Crusher's sexual feeling for each other. I'm just not interested. Maybe if it was more like Human Centipede then it would be at least somewhat entertaining.


160 down 19 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 160 - Dark Page

Lwaxana Troi is the worst character in any show, ever, of all-time. This episode is just garbage. Lwaxana loses her powers and then slips into a coma. Deanna meets her in her dreams, where her mom confesses that Deanna had a sister that drowned. Not in the least interesting. The only thing of note is that Kirsten Dunst was in this episode....and I didn't even notice.


159 down 20 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 159 - Phantasms

Tiny creatures are feeding on the crew, causing Data's dream program to go crazy.  .....Data's dream program??? Anyway, it was a very fun episode. Data's dream sequences were very well done and overall the directing job by Patrick Stewart was excellent. During one of Data's waking dreams he sees Troi as a giant cake and stabs her with a knife. First of all, why are they still using traditional knives on the Enterprise, secondly if a humanoid crewmember stabs another one (whether it is in an altered state or not) I'm pretty sure they would be in some kind trouble .... Nobody seems to care that Data just nearly murdered someone. Oh well, the perks of being an android.


158 down 21 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 158 - Gambit pt. 2

Last we left off, our heroes where captured on a mercenary ship. Picard was pretending to be a merchant and Riker, well he is still Riker. Picard and Riker devise a plan to play along with these mercenaries and become "one of them". Evidently they are seeking a rare Vulcan artifact that has incredible power. Yet again, part two comes to a rushed conclusion with the mercenary plans being thwarted. It was, however, good too see Riker and Picard playing both sides of the coin, it was well done.


So Sabrina LeBeauf is in this episode playing an Ensign. And, man is she fucking terrible. I was very surprised at how bad she was. How hard is it to play an Ensign at the navigation panel?? She had a good amount of lines and she just managed to sound like a kid in a 6th grade play .... from the 1930's ... with Polio


157 down 22 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 157 - Gambit pt. 1

For some reason Picard is alone on an archeological expedition and ends up getting into a bar fight. Right off the bat, this is just dumb. Why would this ever happen?? So basically he ends up getting "shot and killed/vaporized". Riker goes to the bar to figure out what happened and ends up getting captured by a group of mercenaries...where he finds Picard working with them under the guise of a merchant.


Once you get past the stupid plot, the episode is rather enjoyable.


156 down 23 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 156 - Interface

I like LaForge, but this episode just wasn't happening. It was a decent plot, they setup Geordi's visor so that he can interactively control a probe to access dangerous areas. He discovers his mother's ship is missing ... evidently she is a Starship Captain?? I don't recall this ever being brought up before. Anyway Geordi uses his VISOR technology without permission to try and find his mothers ship. Anyway, she ends being dead and Ben Vereen is his dad.


155 down 24 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 155 - Liaisons

Everyime I hear the word Liaisons, I just think of Dangerous Liaisons and how evertime I went into my local video store the VHS cover looked so similar to the Ms. Doubtfire cover. Seriously Robin Williams could have replaced Glenn Close in that movie.


Anyway, this episode is about an exchange program gone crazy. Everyone is put in odd predicaments and Picard is pretty much held hostage by a "fake" sexy woman who seduces him ... this is all an experiment so that this alien race can experience love. They also play poker in this episode for like the 20th time in the series and it's really starting to piss me off. In short, this episode seemed sort of recycled. Also in the very beginning Troi is with one of these aliens and he offers her a drink. She says No, because her stomach is still recovering from all of the dessert from the night before. Does this mean she had diarrhea?? Seriously. I could not stop thinking about that. Does she have diarrhea??


154 down 25 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 154 - Descent II

So, Data is now under the influence of Lore. Along with these Borg, they plan on destroying all organic life. Riker and Worf discover Hugh in a cave or something and find out that he is heading a group of rebels trying to overthrow Lore.


Long story short, Data turns on Lore and defeats him. Hugh is then put in as the head of these Borgs. Lore's emotional chip is taken out and given to Data, of which LaForge advises him to not yet destroy it. That's basically it. It was easily on of the best two-parters in the Star Trek universe.


153 down 26 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 153 - Descent

This episode begins with Data playing poker with Einstein, Isaac Newton and Stephen Hawking. I respect the mind of Hawking, but man he is fucking disturbing to look at. Anyway, he did a good acting job on this one, at the end of the scene Data freezes the program and the actors have to stay perfectly still....Hawking nailed it. So the actor that played Einstein was Jim Norton, I thought it might be the American comedian Jim Norton ... but it wasn't, it was some UK actor. So I looked the dude up and here is what it said on Wikipedia "one of Norton's earlier UK television roles was as the timid Gardener in the first series of the long-running CITV children's series T-Bag".  ..................???


So the Enterprise answer a distress call and soon find themselves in combot with a free-thinking guerrilla faction of the Borg. They suspect that this may be the doings of Hugh. Data is sent to speak with the Borg but is quickly captured and an away team is sent to save him. The away team consists of every important person on the ship except for Dr. Crusher (who is now the acting Captain of the Enterprise).


Down on the planet, the away team party of Picard, Troi and LaForge stumble upon a building. This ends up being the home base of the Borg. Now they finally meet the leader of this Borg faction .... Lore.


AWESOME episode. Also, this ends season 6, which I found to be rather enjoyable.


152 down 27 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 152 - Timescape

"Picard, Troi, LaForge and Data must save the Enterprise, which they find frozen in an explosion of time, taking weapons fire from an also-frozen Romulan Warbird." ... Adam Nimoy directed this.


I just could not get into this one. It wasn't terrible, but it just wasn't that memorable. Everyone is frozen in the middle of a fight, both ship to ship and hand to hand .... it is due to some trans-dimentional being that sort of got stuck in the middle of it...or something. Picard, Troi, LaForge and Data escape being frozen because they are in the process of returning from a conference on the Runabout Shuttlecraft. So the real question is "why the hell do they keep taking these friggin' shuttlecrafts when they can just beam anywhere??"


151 down 28 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 151 - Second Chances

An episode with two Rikers? Be still my heart. Its just too much goatee for one fan to handle.


So Riker discovers another Riker. Not a clone, but an actual Riker. The explanation as to how this happened is quite believable, it involves some kind of transporter screw up. I was concerned as to how dumb the "split screen" would look...it could easily look shitty like the Patty Duke Show or that episode of Full House when Uncle Jesse meets his evil Greek cousin Stavos. Anyway, it looked very believable, Burton did a good job directing and Frakes was fantastic.


The weird thing is that at the end I totally expected one Riker to die, because surely there can't be two Rikers existing in the Star Trek realm. Wrong, they both are still alive and living their own lives. Isn't that kind of crazy?


It's strange how nowadays TV shows seem to be a springboard to bigger things for most actors. But go back 20 years and it seemed like everyone was typecast. Frakes, Spiner and Stewart were all great actors on a hit TV series and it all lead to shit.  Look Alf, what happened to his career when his series got cancelled??


150 down 29 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 150 - Rightful Heir

Uggh, another Worf episode. He does just fine as a baseless thunderhead, I don't want to delve into his feelings.


In this one he goes on a spiritual journey and witnesses the return of Kahless. But....it ends up being just a clone of Kahless. The one thing I did enjoy was seeing Gowron, I love that fat freak.


149 down 30 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 149 - Suspicions

Although I typically hate Beverly Crusher themed episodes, I must admit that this one didn't nearly make me want to die as much as I expected it to. It was themed around a brilliant Ferengi scientist (which in itself is a rarity and rather intriguing), he has discovered a way to basically fly directly into the sun without dying. Sadly he is killed testing out his device, but it is not to do to a malfunction. It is sabotage! Actually, this episode isn't that good.


148 down 31 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 148 - Frame of Mind

Wow. I really, really enjoyed this episode. Riker ends up trapped between two realities, one in which he is in an asylum and the other he is typical Riker on the Enterprise. While in the asylum the doctors view him as a lunatic that speaks of spacemen and after awhile I started to buy into it too. That is how well done it was. Every time Riker escaped and got back aboard the Enterprise, it ended up being an illusion. This happens at least five times! And I fell for it every time! This episode was simply crazy bananas... Appearing in this episode is the great Andrew Prine, a man that seemingly has been in every single tv show ever


147 down 32 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 147 - The Chase

"Four competing expeditions—Federation, Klingon, Cardassian, and Romulan—attempt to solve a genetic puzzle that proves to be the key to why Star Trek's version of the galaxy contains so many humanoid life forms."

Jonathan Frakes directed this episode and typically he does a solid job, this is no exception. I liked it. Great story and excellent visuals.

Picard's former archeology teacher arrives on board to share his ground breaking discovery, DNA that links all humanoid life-forms in the galaxy. The Cardassians plan to sabotage it and destroy the evidence. Picard locates the DNA strand and activates a program that shows an alien life-form explaining the humanoid origin. This pretty much pisses off everybody. The Cardassians are mad, the Klingons are furious and the Romulans are highly disgusted. I like to think that in real life most aliens would be humanoid ... but it seems sort of unlikely.

146 down 33 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 146 - Lessons

This has to be one of the top ten best TNG episodes. Its a fairly simple plot, Picard bonds with a woman (Lt Cmdr Nella Daren) over their shared passion of music. They soon begin a relationship. Nella gets sent on a dangerous mission and nearly dies. In the end Picard must let her transfer off of the Enterprise because a relationship with her would interfere with his duties.

The acting is fantastic with Stewart and Wendy Hughes giving incredible performances. Also, the cinematography was so much better than in previous episodes. I'm not really sure why. It had interesting camera angles and the quality of film just seemed much better.

Anyway, I have nothing negative to even really say about this one. Even when they had long, drawn-out scenes of Picard and Daren jamming on the flute and keyboard ... I still found it very entertaining.

145 down 34 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 145 - Starship Mine

Many things wrong here. First of all, the ship is completely evacuated for maintenance ... this is just an asinine plot.

Next the maintenance crew ends up being a bunch of mercenaries trying to take over the ship, well done Starfleet.

Then Picard must run all over the ship like Our Man Flint and stop the terrorist plot before it is too late.

One of the mercenaries is played by Tim Russ! He is supposed to be Tuvok, it ruins the illusion!

But here is the best part. While off of the ship Picard decides to go horseback riding. He says "oh wait let me go back to the ship to get my saddle". Then he proceeds to retrieve a gigantic ornate saddle from his quarters...one that would make Roy Rogers literally dung in his dungarees.
I mean, I'm guessing that the amount of stuff one can bring along on a space mission is limited ... did you really have to take the fucking saddle?

This episode was actually pretty good.

144 down 35 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 144 - Birthright Pt. 2

So Worf finds a whole bunch of Klingon prisoners, but he finds out that his father did in deed die in battle. The Romulans give Worf the choice of being executed or live as a captive. He chooses death. But before he is executed all of the other Klingons stand with him in unity and request to be killed as well. The Romulans finally decide to let everyone go free.

What??? Non of this makes sense. The Romulans would just kill them all, since when do they give a crap? This entire plot was just pointless.

143 down 36 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 143 - Birthright Pt. 1

The Enterprise docks at Deep Space 9 and Data works on a project with Julian Bashir. Pretty cool right? Well it is. Data accidently gets hit with some energy beam and has a dream-like vision of his father. He then starts creating various painting regarding this vision. This plot was fascinating. I love how Data seems to become more human throughout the years.

Sadly this episode is ruined by yet another shitty Worf plot. Don't get me wrong, I like Worf ... as a secondary character ... but NEVER as the main man. In this one he hears a rumor that his father survived Khitomer and is a captor of the Romulans. So Worf travels to a Romulan prison planet and of course gets captured ....

142 down 37 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 142 - Tapestry

This episode is basically "A Christmas Carol" or "Time Machine" or both or neither...I really don't know.  Picard "dies", Q takes him back in time where Picard wants to make amends with his youth. He realizes that he was a giant a-hole, so this time around he tries being a nice guy. Interestingly enough, this ends up ruining his future and he never becomes Captain of the Enterprise. So the message here is....always be a prick.

Ridiculous plot ... great episode.

141 down 38 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 141 - Face of the Enemy

This episode was entertaining, but it was also complete asinine. Troi wakes to discover that she has been surgically turned into a Romulan. She has also been secretly recruited into an undercover Romulan mission per Spock.

A. Why would Starfleet agree to send a therapist on an extremely dangerous secret mission.
B. Was this insanely complicated plan really necessary?
C. Why did the episode mention Spock numerous times, yet never show him. It's fucking annoying.

Scott MacDonald is in this episode, he also stars in one of the greatest horror films ever ... Jack Frost. Check out this classic clip http://youtu.be/sg8Rm0ajj_0

140 down 39 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 140 - Aquiel

Geordi falls in love with a woman...who is charged with murder. Again, I really really wanted this to work out for Geordi. He does eventually prove her innocence and it seems like he sleeps with her, but in the end she leaves him....even though she is offered the opportunity to stay! So after all of that LaForge still ends up losing out, once again.

139 down 40 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 139 - Ship in a Bottle

This marks the return of the rogue holodeck character Professor Moriarty, played wonderfully by Mr. Sheffield's butler. Also in this episode is the sexy cougar Stephanie Beacham.

If we remember from the last Sherlock themed episode, Moriarty is built so well that he is nearly human. In fact, Picard promises to figure out a way to get him out of the holodeck and into reality..although he was bullshitting. Now Moriarty ain't fuckin around, he wants out. He hijaks the ship by sort of turning it into a giant holodeck.

The Professor really isn't a bad guy actually, he has a love interest and is generally a decent person. Odd, considering he is supposed to be rather maniacal as a Holmes villain. Anyway, there is a happy ending ... and then after Picard gets out of the Asian massage parlor he figures out a way to give Moriarty what he wants. He puts him and his girl into a cube sized holodeck where they can live happily ever after. Or whatever.

138 down 41 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 138 - Chain of Command 2

While part one of "Chain of Command" was a drag, part two was pretty damn great ... for two reasons: Captain Jelico and Picard being tortured. Jelico (played brilliantly by Ronny Cox) was the biggest asshole, mentally unstable, self serving Captain to ever exist in Starfleet ... and he is awesome. I want a spin-off. He is basically Kirk mixed with Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest. Jelico is very cocky, a cocksmith and will not fall for a cock-n-bull story....that's all I got.

Now to Picard being tortured. He is put through all awesome kinds of physical, emotional and sensory tortures. I mean, it was so brutal that it would make Marquis DeSade cream his pantaloons. There is this one scene in which they try to control Picard's mind by showing him 4 green lights and torture him into saying that there are five green lights....just amazing stuff.

137 down 42 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 137 - Chain of Command I

Chain of Command is a two-parter, that really should have been one episode. Not that I didn't enjoy it, because I very much did ... I'm just saying. Part one was very blah and it could have been summed up very quickly and incorporated into part two. Basically, Picard gets sent on a secret mission to destroy a Cardassian biological weapon. He brings along Worf and .... Crusher?? Personally, I would bring Data on EVERY away mission and bring Crusher on ZERO. Anyway, since Picard is gone they bring in another Captain to take over. Why not Riker you ask? I have no fucking idea.

136 down 43 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 136 - Quality of Life

This episode is about these little machines called Exocomps, they are sort of little mechanical repairmen. The question is weather they are sentient or machine. Not a bad episode, decent idea....but it is highly forgettable. If only Data had a handlebar mustache in this one.

135 down 44 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 135 - A Fistful of Datas

... so here is the Western episode where every character is Data! Who knew it was right after Rascals. What a terrible one two punch. Although I must say, I almost enjoyed this one. I typically like anything Old West, so this was at least tolerable ... and Data always cracks me up. Especially at the end when he is dressed like an old west "dancer"....prostitute.  For the most part an episode in which Worf and Alexander are cowboys is just plain dumb. Oh yes and this episode also begins the "beard growing" story arc. Ha Ha what the hell is going on in season six!?!

134 down 45 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 134 - Rascals

What a piece of shit. Do to some kind of fuck up with the transporter Picard, Guinan, Ro and Keiko turn into 12 year olds. ....seriously? How would this even happen??

The oddest scene is when a 12 year old Keiko questions Miles about the state of their marriage. He is kind of like, listen ... it's probably over. She seems a little annoyed by this. What the fuck is he supposed to say?!?!

Anyway, this is the worst group of child actors that I have ever seen!! They suck.

133 down 46 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 133 - True Q

"a young woman coming aboard evidences non-human abilities and is investigated by Q, who claims she is also a Q."

You nearly forget the Q is supposed to be the Villain. The problem is that "Q" is so quirky that he seems more like the comic relief. This episode sort of puts how brutal the Q Continuum is. Amanda, who is played by the cute as all hell Olivia d'Abo, is a Q/human  ... "Q" has been sent by the Continuum to kill her for being a hybrid.

132 down 47 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 132 - Schisms

What an interesting concept. Members of the Enterprise are being abducted by and tested on by aliens. I am surprised this has never come up before, at least in the traditional "alien abduction scenario" sense. It seems plausible that aliens would abduct humans off of space ships ... I mean they already abduct housewives from Midwestern farmhouses.

My favorite scene is when Data is reciting an original poem about his cat Spot and Riker keeps nodding off. It was very funny. Although I originally thought he was saying Spock. I was like "what an odd poem about Spock".

Whatever.

131 down 48 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 131 - Relics

"The Enterprise investigates a vessel that crashed on the surface of a Dyson sphere 75 years ago."

The Dyson Sphere is actually a real theory. It is basically the idea that a giant sphere could be built around a star and all of it's planets, in order to better harness it's energy. Evidently it can also pivot on a ball and never loses suction ... a little vacuum cleaner humor for you. This is the stupidest and most impractical thing that I have ever heard, in fact even Freeman Dyson himself said it's stupid.

Of course, what makes this episode great is the appearance of Scotty. James Doohan seemed to have some trouble with his delivery, but nonetheless I love these throwback episodes. I always felt bad for Scotty too, he didn't seem to fit in with the original crew. Then in the movies, while everyone else just looked like slightly older versions of their show counterparts ... Scotty comes out looking like Mr. Belvedere.

I felt bad for James Doohan too, he put up with a lot of tough shit in his life, crappy childhood, typecast, divorces, sickness, raped in prison. I have read his autobiography and he was an interesting guy. For instance, he took part in the invasion of Normandy where he was shot six times ... beat that LaForge!

130 down 49 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 130 - Man of the People

"A psychic ambassador uses Deanna's mind to influence the outcome of his mission."

This ambassador essentially transfers his negativity into Deanna in order to have a clear mind for his negotiations. Deanna starts to become agitated and rapidly age. It's an interesting idea but it was a great episode.

When I saw George Wallace was in this episode I was expecting the great black comedian, or even the great racist Alabama governor ... but no, it was some dude that I never seen before.

129 down 50 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 129 - Realm of Fear

"Barclay must overcome his fear of the transporter to solve a mystery."

How the hell did Barclay make it through Starfleet Academy. He is such a pussy.

After watching Hell on Wheels I just can't look at Miles O'Brien the same way ever again.

128 down 51 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 128 - Time's Arrow pt.2

Now for the conclusion to Time's Arrow.

I actually didn't like part two nearly as much part one. It was ok. The crew conveniently finds a portal that takes them back and forth to exactly 1893 (convenient), Picard gets trapped in the past, Mark Twain saves the day and Picard saves Earth by simply disabling the alien time portal.

Also, by the end of this episode I ended up hating Mark Twain. I would burn his books if I actually owned any of them.

127 down 52 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 127 - Time's Arrow pt.1

"A 500 year old artifact is uncovered on Earth, Data's severed penis. The Enterprise investigates alien involvement in Earth's past and Data fulfills his destiny."

Only Star Trek can follow up a Hugo Award winning episode with this gem. I love this episode/episodes. Data goes back to the 19th c and meets Jack London and Guinan hangs out with Mark Twain. It's not nearly as dumb as it sounds, in fact ... it's pretty awesome.

In preparation for this episode I read Call of the Wild by Jack London, just because I realized that I never read shit by this guy.  ...... it was good.

This is my favorite quote from the book:

"Like a true natures child, we're the Call, Call of the Wild, we can fly so high, never want to die. Call .. of the .. Wi,iiild"

So ends season 5, it was probably the best season of TNG thus far.

126 down 53 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 126- The Inner Light

"A space probe creates a telepathic tether and causes Picard to experience, in twenty-five minutes, a lifetime as a married man on a world that was destroyed a millennium ago. "

I'm sure this episode was fine, I just wasn't feeling it. The acting was great and the idea is interesting ... it was just not that entertaining. It did win the Hugo Award, the last Trek episode to do this was City on The Edge of Forever. .....City on the Edge, this episode is not.

125 down 54 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 125 - The Next Phase

While trying to create a modified cloaking device, the Romulans accidently turn Ro and LaForge invisible. The first half of this episode suuuuucks. Its just Ro saying goodbye to everybody, but then it picks up a bit and becomes pretty darn decent. Everybody on the ship thinks that the two are dead, but they rematerialize during their funeral...New Orleans style ... which only means one thing .... Riker playing a trombone.

Why would he know how to play a fucking trombone? Nobody plays the damn thing now, nevermind in a few hundred years.

124 down 55 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 124 - I, Borg

Try watching this episode and NOT want to kill Beverley Crusher. That being said, this was an awesome episode. After discovering an injured Borg, Crusher convinces Picard to allow her to treat him. Picard comes up with a plan to "infect" this Borg and send him back to destroy the hive.

The Borg suddenly starts to develop individuality, he even ends up with a name ... Hugh. So there is a big debate on weather it is wrong for Picard to sacrifice Hugh. Honestly though, Picard was correct in this one ... this was their best shot at defeating the Borg.

Anyway, the dude that plays Hugh is on the show The Closer and he is really good.

123 down 56 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 123 - Imaginary Friend

As the title suggests, this episode is about an imaginary friend. The ship is exploring a rare nebula when a little girl on the ship suddenly "creates" an imaginary friend. This friend ends up being real and can't stand adults ... a la Drop Dead Fred. That's basically it. The little girl in the episode was August from 3rd Rock From The Sun, Tommy's girlfriend. I always thought she was soooo friggin hot .... in 3rd Rock not so much in TNG.

122 down 57 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 122 - The Perfect Mate

"Picard forces himself to resist the charms of a female empathic metamorph who is sent to marry an alien leader as a peace offering." This episode was confusing ... or boring. I don't know. But it does have Famke Janssen in it, who is actually hotter now than she was in the early 90s. Check her out on Hemlock Grove. Anyway, Picard has to resist banging her ... which is so highly unlikely that this episode seems to unrealistic. Maybe Picard can't get a boner. Plus, she would not be the perfect mate because she is too high maintenance. The perfect mate would be a cute blind mute.

121 down 58 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 121 - Cost of Living

What a piece of shit this one is. A Lwaxana and Alexander based episode, what a fucking nightmare. The episode is based around Worf's troubles raising his son and Ms. Troi getting married. .... It is interesting that Lwaxana meets her husband over a matchmaking system on the computer, rather foreshadowing for 1992. I was expecting that creepy old bag of bones from the Matchmaker.com commercials to come popping out of a turbolift. Anyway, the episode ends with Worf, Alexander and Lwaxana taking a mudbath???? ..... you can only see Worfs eyes and teeth

120 down 59 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 120 - The First Duty

hehe The First Duty.

"Wesley is questioned over a Starfleet Academy flight training accident."

When one of his crew members is killed during training Wesley must choose between the truth and protecting his ass. Typically Wesley sucks, but this is episode was actually very good. I liked how Wesley didn't pussy out and tell the truth ...  nor did he lie. He just omitted certain info.

119 down 60 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 119 - Cause and Effect

"The Enterprise is severely damaged. The ship explodes, killing the entire crew."

If only that was it and the series was over. But alas, this episode is a rip off of Groundhog's Day with Bill Murray ... except this one has Kelsey Grammar in it. Honestly though, I really really enjoyed this one. It was fun and clever. I must say that I am getting tired of the crew constantly playing poker, in the future I guarantee Poker will not exist. It will be like people playing Jacks now, it just doesn't happen.

118 down 61 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 118 - The Outcast

"Riker falls in love with an androgynous person after rescuing some others trapped in "null space."

This was a great episode, it had solid acting by Frakes and Melinda Culea as well as a very interesting plot. Riker falls in love with a man/women ... or neither?? I actually have no idea what an androgynous person is. Although this episode was a sort of brave, attempt at bringing attention to LGBT issues and all, it does strike out in many ways. For one, I'm pretty sure Melinda Culea was a model at one time, so trying to play her off as a sexless Soren is just dumb ... obviously a female. The did try to make her look like Marcy Darcy but I for one have always been attracted to Marcy so yet again, fail. AND we find out that even though her race is androgynous, she is in fact female. So basically Riker falls in love with a female and this female falls for a man. Hardly groundbreaking stuff right there. The climax of the episode (rapidly raising and lowering eyebrows) is in the end (rapidly raising and lowering eyebrows) when this race finds out that Soren considers herself a woman, they send her to get some sort of lobotomy or something. An excellent scene is when Soren is in front of court and gives a speech about human rights ... and her right to be straight?? I guess. Anyway Riker risks his career to save her but it's too late, she has been "fixed". If I remember correctly, at this point Riker smothers her with a pillow and then tosses a gigantic sink through a window.

117 down 62 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 117 - Ethics

What a weird ass episode. Worf gets paralyzed, asks Riker to assist in his suicide, then has a heart attack, then is brain dead ... and then pretty much back to normal by the end of the day. WTF? It wasn't a terrible episode, just sort of weird. The episode ends with Worf learning how to walk, ... I bet that by episode 118 he's doing the fucking electric slide.

116 down 63 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 116 - Power Play

"Troi, O'Brien, and Data are possessed by entities who want control of the ship."

All this starts out with a good old fashion malfunction of those piece of shit shuttlecrafts. These things suck. Troi, O'Brien and Data crash on a planet and end up in a remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. This episode sucks.

115 down 64 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 115 - Conundrum

The premise of this one is that an alien plans to take over the Enterprise by erasing everyone's memory on board. It seems like it would work, except for one thing ... the alien SUCKS at erasing memories. The crew seems to remember who they are and how to run the ship ... the only thing that they forget is what rank they are.

So the crew needs to figure this mild annoyance out and get on their merry way. All of the major  crew members are there; Picard, Worf, Troi, Riker, Data (who thinks he is a waiter??), Ro, Crusher, LaForge and um ... MacDuff??  Well, guess who the fucking alien was the entire time.

114 down 65 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 114 - The Masterpiece Society

"The Enterprise helps a far-flung eugenic human colony avoid destruction but upsets its delicate balance by ending 200 years of isolation"

This colony is comprised of "perfect" people, they have zero flaws. In fact, if someone is born with a flaw they eliminate them. The Enterprise discovers that this planet is in danger from a projectile and Picard persuades them to begin evacuation. Soon everyone starts to see how sheltered they really are. Key issue being Geordi's VISOR. They are enthralled by it's capabilities and soon they realize that in their society something like this would have never been created. blah blah blah whatever. So basically nearly everybody decides to leave this "perfect" colony because they see how much it sucks.

And, of course, Troi has a romantic encounter with some guy. So as Donald pointed out, they have no idea what to do with the Deanna Troi character.

This episodes was good. I like how by "saving" the colony from destruction, Picard actually ends up "destroying" the colony just by issuing contact.

113 down 66 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 113 - Violations

Strange episode, but I enjoyed it. Sort of. Not really. Maybe a little bit. I'm just miserable. The premise is that, this alien race can recall people's lost memories. So this one guy takes advantage of that and starts manipulating the memories of the Enterprise crew. Once he does this, the "host" goes into a coma. Long story short, he rapes Deanna Troi.

112 down 67 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 112 - Hero Worship

"Data saves the life of an orphaned boy who begins to emulate him."

Don't we all want to be Data? Wouldn't a race of Data's be the perfect society? I think so. No emotions, brilliant, rational....yet for some reason fully functional. While it's always fun to delve into the life of Data, I found this episode a bit boring. This kid was a giant pussy.

111 down 68 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 111 - New Ground

"Worf tries to be a father to his son, Alexander, while the Enterprise helps to test a new propulsion technology. "

Here's the thing. I hate Alexander. Worst character ever. This episode sucks. Brian Bonsall was a cute kid as Andy from Family Ties but his looks really hit the wall. Worf is a such a big Klingon phony, he acts like he is so into being a Klingon ... you were raised by humans dude, give it a fucking rest.

110 down 69 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 110 - A Matter of Time

"An apparent historian from the 26th century visits the Enterprise while they help a planet prevent a nuclear winter"

So here's the thing. This guy is not actually a historian from the future but a thief from the past who happened to steal the time machine from a historian from the future so now he has used the future historians time machine to go from the past to the future in order to steal artifacts from the Enterprise and bring them back to the past so he can reverse engineer them and become rich in the future. Sound kind of stupid? It is. At least it had Max Headroom in it.

109 down 70 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 109 - Unification II

Spock is on a mission of "cowboy diplomacy" to reunify Vulcan and Romulus. There are a good amount of Romulans that are working towards this goal as well, but there are others that are bent on destroying Vulcan ... Denise Crosby I'm looking at you. Spock, Data and Picard try to thwart these plans.

Meanwhile Riker and crew are tracking down the disappearance of old Vulcan ships. They discover that Ferengi's have sold them to Romulans. So basically the plot is all coming together. In conclusion, just watch this shit. It's good. Nimoy is awesome. Also, It has the greatest ending scene in all of TNG. Spock mind melds with Picard to catch a glimpse of Sarek revealing his love for Spock. Fan-fucking-tastic

108 down 71 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 108 - Unification I

I wish I wasn't such an idiot. Unification deserves to be reviewed correctly and I just can't do it. These episodes are just that good. They could have made a movie out of this two-parter, no question about it. Great plot, great acting, great effects.

Ambassador Spock is missing. Picard goes to see Sarek (who is in the process of dying). Sarek suggests that Spock is on Romulus. Just before Sarek dies, he tells Picard that he loves his son. So, Piacrd and Data head to Romulus disguised as Romulans. They are onboard a cloaked Klingon ship in order to sneak through the neutral zone. Would any of this actually work? I doubt it. But who cares.

Of course once on Romulus Picard and Data are easily detected. Why? Well because one of them is a fucking robot and the other has a British accent. They are taken to a cave where they discover .... Spock.

So in the beginning credits it said that Stephen Root was in this episode. So I paid close attention to see if I could find him. And I couldn't. I figured he would play the same crazy Texan that he always plays, Jimmy James, Bill from King of the Hill etc. I had to look it up when the episode ended, and come to find out that he played the Klingon Commander! .... and a damn good one too. This had to be his greatest role ever. Bravo Stephen Root.

107 down 72 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 107 - The Game

I guess you would consider this a "cute" episode. Wesley returns from the Academy only to find everybody getting high from a video game. Only him and his love interest Robin are unaffected, they must find a way to make everything back to normal. This Robin girl is sooooo friggin cute. I could not stop staring at her like a total creep. No wonder, it's a young Ashley Judd. This episode was stupid, but I liked it.

106 down 74 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 106 - Disaster

This was a great episode. Well constructed and well acted. Basically, The Enterprise loses power and everyone is trapped in different locations, completely cut off from each other. The genius behind this episode is that everyone is paired off in very unlikely combinations. Picard is trapped in a turbo-lift with three young children and as always Jean-Luc is completely out of his element around kids. Troi, Miles O'Brien and Ro end up on the bridge, with Troi being in command. Riker and Data are in the Jefferies Tube. Crusher and LaForge are in the cargo bay and meanwhile in Ten Forward Worf is delivering Keiko's baby ... which is hilarious.

105 down 74 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 105 - Silicon Avatar

"The crew, with the help of a scientist whose son lived on Data's home world, attempt to communicate with the Crystalline Entity. "

I'm not a big fan of the Crystalline Entity. I can't really get into a villain that is ... well a Crystal. Except maybe the villain to all country music Crystal Gayle. Anyway, the Enterprise is close to communicating with the Entity when this scientist lady (distraught over the death of her son at the hands of this entity) destroys the being. She basically presses two buttons on the console and takes total control of the ship. I hate when that happens ... why is it always so easy! "Oh no we have no way to stop her, she locked the computers" Come on now.

104 down 75 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 104 - Ensign Ro

"After an attack on a Federation outpost, Picard is sent to locate a Bajoran terrorist, with the help of Ensign Ro Laren."

This is the first episode with Ro Laren. She is so hot ... and so bitchy ... which is so hot. This was a solid episode. It had a great dynamic between Ro and Picard, as well as an appearance by the Cardassians, whom I do like as a character.

Yet. I could not stop thinking about the first scene of the episode. It has Picard getting a hair cut from a barber. OK. First of all. Picard is bald. Secondly, a barber? Really? I mean, the invented the Flobee in like the 1980's, they can replicate food ... why do the physically need a person to cut hair? Also, Riker comments that he is considered the best barber in Starfleet ... fucking really?!?!?

One more comment. I noticed that many times other alien races give the Enterprise "One Hour" to surrender or whatever. Wouldn't one hour be different for every race. One hour to people from Earth wouldn't be the same amount of time to someone from a different planet.

ST TNG: 103 down 76 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 103 - Darmuk

"Picard must learn to communicate with an alien captain who speaks in metaphors before a dangerous beast kills them both"

This was a very interesting and creative episode. The Enterprise meets up with a new race. The Universal Translator can't understand them.  For some reason the Captain of the ship takes Picard to a planet with him to fight a beast .... I guess the reason for this was for them to bond or something. Picard must understand him in order to survive. The race speaks in metaphor based on their own mythology. There is an awesome scene in which Picard tells the captain the story of Gilgamesh. Excellent acting by the great Paul Winfield and also an appearance by Ashley Judd as an ensign.

ST TNG: 102 down 77 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 102 - Redemption II

SEASON 5

So yes indeed this is the episode in which Tasha Yar's half Romulan daughter from the future comes back to annoy Picard. Also, it literally IS Tasha Yar because they use the same actress. Do I even have to say anymore. I stopped caring about the entire Klingon plot because I couldn't stop obsessing over how ludicrous and pointless this Yar plot twist was.

The only saving grace was the minor plot in which a developer tries to bulldoze a community recreation center and the local breakdancers try to stop it.

ST TNG: 101 down 78 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 101 - Redemption

While it wasn't a bad episode (in fact I found it enjoyable), I would say that this was a weird one to end Season 4 on. It hardly ends with a cliff hanger. Worf leaves Starfleet to join Gowron in order to prevent a Klingon Civil War. He regains his family's honor. ,,,and also there are these two Female Klingon prostitutes that I actually found very sexy. Picard was awesome (as always) in his role as bipartisan negotiator. But, I don't know, it just didn't have that season finale feel to it.

So anyway, I saw this thing on Yahoo ... a list of the greatest TV theme songs of all time. These are my top 5. I think only one made it on that list.

5. Hawaii 5-0
4. F-Troop
3. Night Court
2. Simon and Simon
1. The Fall Guy

ST TNG: 100 down 79 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 100 - In Theory

Data seeks a romantic relationship with a female crew member. This episode was Directed by Patrick Stewart and the reviews on it are generally mixed, but I really enjoyed it. I loved when Data was trying to seek romance tips from various crew members and Riker was like "Just show up to her room naked from the waist down, that's what I do".

Really though, what's wrong with this lady. She is not bad looking, why the hell would she want a relationship with a robot? Maybe just for sex, because obviously she knows Data doesn't have emotions. A great scene is when she is trying to explain that sometimes when she says not to do something, she really means to do it. That shit will even confuse an android

ST TNG: 99 down 80 to go .

Star Trek TNG: Episode 99 - The Mind's Eye

Geordi is brainwashed by the Romulans with the aid of a Klingon traitor. His goal is to assassinate a Klingon Governor in order to prevent the Federation from interfering in a war ... or something. Anyway, this all occurs while Geordi is taking a shuttlecraft ... alone ... through space ... going to Risa for vacation... why would this happen??? He gets abducted by Romulans and brainwashed, they send signals through Geordi's visor in order to give him orders. A Geordi imposter is then sent to Risa. Because most Romulan ships have a black guy on hand for just this occasion.

The Romulans then implant fake memories of his vacation into his mind. Very "Total Recall". LaForge seems normal while back onboard the Enterprise until the brainwashing beam is sent to his visor ... then he turns into Reggie Jackson in Naked Gun. This episode has actor John Fleck in it, who according to his Wikipedia page "also appears in Howard The Duck, Waterworld and the ZZ Top music video Legs" ... what a resume.

I actually enjoyed this episode. Picture "National Lampoons Vacation meets Total Recall meets Naked Gun meets Roots meets Ray Charles meets 2001 A Space Odessey meets Dorf On Golf"

ST TNG: 98 down 81 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 98 - The Host

Its happened so far in every series that I have watched, so it was inevitable...I have hit the Star Trek wall. I'm literally depressed by watching these episodes. I'm sure this episode may have been good, and I know that it's a significant episode for it's effort to bring gender identity into light ... but it just annoyed the shit out of me. I mean just look at this picture...

Fuck this asshole.


ST TNG: 97 down 82 to go

Star Trek TNG: Episode 97 - Half A Life

As much as I can't stand Lwaxana Troi, this episode wasn't so bad. Sure she is annoying as hell and looks more like a horribly aging Leonard Nimoy than a gracefully aging Majel Barrett ... but the rest of the cast carries this one and I guess she didn't completely suck.

The Enterprise is helping Timicin revive a dying sun using photons. Lwaxana is on the ship and gets her Depends in a bunch over this guy. Unfortunately on his planet once you turn 60 years you have to kill yourself. So he must go home to die. Lwaxana wants him to live, but he bides by his culture and Picard will not interfere. Troi is by his side as he shits the bed.
 

ST TNG: 96 down 83 to go